Another member told me to minimize the number of cases with people talking when they are themselves off-screen. So I rewrote some scenes.
The question is what is correct formating when people talk to a person, and the other person is off-screen. Asking AI left me frustrated. Are the following scenes written in an acceptable way?
The first scene is after Pauline has witnessed what is the main thing in the story. She is so surprised that she suspects that she has been drinking too much. So she asks someone who is off-screen, beyond the other end of the room she walks through.
-
INT. CIA HOUSE - STAIRWELL - DAY
Pauline enters and walks to the other end.
PAULINE
I need the phone number for the A-A. Browser froze... Thanks.
-
The second scene is at the end of the story. Bertha has lost everything, so Pauline suspects that Bertha has entered the house to kill the other bad guy. Which Pauline doesn't want. So Pauline hopes that Bertha is somewhere in the house, and will hear her. It doesn't matter what direction Pauline faces.
-
INT. CIA HOUSE - STAIRWELL - DAY
Pauline enters and hurries to the other end.
PAULINE
Bertha!
-
The third scene is also at the end of the story. The two persons are facing the unseen person inside the house, the person who was earlier blackmailed.
-
EXT. UNIVERSITY HOUSE 1 - DAY
The main door is open. Albert and Marlene enter, and stop at the doorway. Marlene's submachine gun is wrapped in a piece of fabric.
ALBERT
My dear chancellor, it's nice to see you happy.
MARLENE
I really regret the guns, but we thought Bertha might show up.
1 person likes this
Good formatting. But are you concerned about clarity? Because, here it might be unclear whom the characters are talking to?
4 people like this
Hello, Göran Johansson. Identify a character who is off screen in dialogue with O.S. next to their name. Most screenwriting software will auto place this in formatting when you select it from the menu. The character that is seen does not need this, but off screen characters in dialogue do. Hoped I helped you.
4 people like this
You can use a parenthetical to make things more clear. A couple of common ones are 're:' and 'to:' which can be used to help contextualise context or subject.
MARY
(to: Adam)
Can you turn it down in there?
ADAM (O.S)
I can't hear you, mom!
1 person likes this
Dear friends, after reading your answers, I have asked myself if I expressed myself poorly.
In the previous version, the speakers where off-screen. But I changed so the speakers are seen. They are visible when they are talking to somebody else, talking to a person who is off-screen.