Screenwriting : Pitch Or Coverage? by Wendy Nichols

Good to know you're not giving up. You can do it Wendy!

As you revise, Wendy, try this. Invite some very good actors to read the REVISED script aloud to a room of 30 people. Then ask for honest feedback. Sit still and take notes without "defending" anything. You will quickly see if anyone cares about your characters ---- and why or why not. I am a theatre critic. Here is a recent review I wrote - - where I explain what bored me (very much) and why - - - “Sex Trafficking and Ghostly Encounters Rig a Jerry-Built Tale” Written By: Linda Ann LoSchiavo http://www.lideamagazine.com/sex-trafficking-ghostly-encounters-rig-jerr...

Very informative, Wendy. Thanks for posting.

Great suggestion, Linda Ann. Thank you. xx Thanks, too, Eric and Pierre for your comments. x

Wendy, the romcom plot you're suggestion (meet/breakup in first 15 pages) is pretty far off the charts for how this genre is typically structured. I suspect that has something to do with the coverage you got. It's an intriguing challenge though to figure out how to get us to seriously like characters who are such flakes that they meet-cute at the hook (probably) and throw in the towel 15 pages later. If this is what you're doing, it has to be one of the shortest character arcs in screenwriting history. And then you have to start the whole business over again on p. 16.

Wendy: read the first page of any enduring short story or stage play and you will see the same element: a character who WANTS something, is in dire need of something happening, is facing a deadline / challenge / risk in order to get something. A filmmaker just agreed to make a short film out of my radio play, a suspense drama. . . . . Here's what happens on PAGE 1: * * Allison, a recent widow, is on the phone telling her sister she needs to borrow stamps in an hour to mail her academic monograph, which must be finished and sent out right away. * * a stranger is breaking into the house while Allison is on the phone; when she hangs up, he grabs her. That happens halfway down the first page: the set-up. Are you curious about who he is? Why is he here? What will he do next? How does Allison get away or outsmart him? The play was onstage in San Francisco; a theatre group picked it and they produced it. I re-wrote it as a radio play; it was broadcast in NYC. I dusted it off and pitched it as a short film. A good story is a good story is a good story. :-D

Linda Ann that is a FABULOUS opening. Thanks for taking the time to write it up. x

He was great, Joey. He cut right to the heart of the matter and I appreciated it. x

Yep, I've certainly set myself a challenge, Richard. The story is about them getting back together. x

Excellent. Thank you, Peter. I REALLY appreciate this. x

Wendy, I just decided to "dust a screenplay off" with some Happy Writers coverage instead of jumping into pitching too. I think it's an important step (but I'll be feeling your pain any day now - lol :)

Good luck, Shari. I've had a few done now and the standard of feedback is extremely high. Much better to know the problems and work on them than to be left wondering. x

Wendy, even if CARY GRANT made a rom-com with a plot like this fly - - meet/ breakup in first 15 pages - - it is probably not the best set-up because the stakes are too low and we have not yet fallen in love with one of the love partners. What if the stakes were higher? What if one person needed to get married in order to stay in the USA? What if one person needed a spouse in order to inherit the family business? What if one person wanted to marry before dying in six months due to a fatal illness? It is your plot, Wendy, not mine. But unless a star with the charisma of Cary Grant has agreed to star in it, in my opinion you'd do better with a stronger set-up. My two cents.

Hi Linda Ann, thanks for taking the time to comment and help. It is a romantic comedy, but there's a lot more going on. The actual log line is: A group of self-help gurus attend a summit hosted by a wealthy and famous guru who puts them through a test to see who will take over his empire once he’s deceased. This sets off a series of wild and crazy events as the gurus do their best to win the coveted job. The hero finds he's up against his worst enemy - his ex-wife. xx

Hi Peter, that's a great version of my log line. Thank you. I might get you to tweak all my log lines! My screenplay is a farce - modelled on Death At A Funeral, so the main action is the gurus competing for the chief guru's empire. However, just as the romance between Peter Dinklage's character and the deceased father is essential to Death At A Funeral, the romance between my hero and heroine is a huge subplot. Originally I had a montage of photos showing their relationship and them splitting - one page - and I was told it didn't work (quite rightly). I was also told that I needed to demonstrate the gurus' talents and areas of expertise as the majority of the population isn't familiar with the self help industry. (They may have heard of the titles of the more famous books, but won't necessarily have read them.) Hence my need to rewrite the first fifteen pages, immerse the audience in the self help world, create believable chemistry between the hero and heroine, split them up and get them to the chief guru's house. I THINK I'm getting there. xx

Thanks, Peter. I really appreciate the time you've taken to comment on my work. The same thought has gone through my mind - start with them meeting at the chief guru's house. I really like the new start I have, though, so I'm going to keep writing and if it doesn't work, I'll scrap it. I guess that's what rewriting is all about. I'm afraid I didn't explain my story very well a few posts ago as I was focusing on the problems I had - the need to generate sympathy for my characters in the hearts of the audience. I plotted this story after the floods in Brisbane and wanted people to walk into the cinema and forget their troubles for a while. I think (hope) the rest of the story achieves that. It's the start I need to work on. Many thanks again for all the time you've taken. I'm actually learning a lot from the various posts I'm reading. xx

Thank you, Peter - really valuable thoughts. I particularly like the idea that characters gain sympathy through a moral dilemma; I've never heard that before. I'll edit a scene tomorrow with that in mind.

Great topic. I basically stopped pitching when I realized my script was far from ready - an easy trap to fall into. How to get it ready, and with who's help, is another story! Then, there's the issue of making a great enough pitch to get a serious request from the appropriate production person. I wish more writers would post their loglines, and I would like to see comments on whether written pitches are effective or a cop-out. Thanks!

That's a great point, David. I wonder if Joey would write a blog about the advantages/disadvantages or written versus verbal pitches. I might email him. x

Thanks, Joey. Wise words, as usual. I'll work up to a verbal pitch next year. x

I had one experience with a Skype pitch via Joey which I did by phone when my laptop etc was unavailable. It seemed comfortable for me and I felt I connected with the exec (though no dice). Maybe there's a vehicle here for some people and some situations.

Great idea, Lisa, and thanks for posting your loglines.

Great idea, Lisa. Takes a bit of courage the first couple of times, I'd imagine. xx

Lisa, your idea for pitching practice is BRILLIANT! Wendy, thank you for sharing your experiences. Writing is one of the most vulnerable things you can do, and it seems that so many people fail at it because they refuse to take criticism, or take it too selectively. Congratulations on being brave enough to make serious changes to your work. Best of luck in the final product--sounds like you are on the right track because your introspection indicates of the depth of your character.

Thanks, Rebecca. That's very kind. x

Wendy, one of my New Year's resolutions is to avoid the temptation to pitch until my script is the best I can make it. There have been countless rewrites and rewrites to come (I will use the best script services I can find and afford - there are many forms of help, beside 'coverage' available). Different readers can give you polar-opposite opinions on the same scene(s) and I also resolve not to rush to make changes until I get a consensus. I just found out today I made the top 100 of 1,000 with TABLE READ MY SCREENPLAY. A little encouragement never hurts. On your issue of romcoms with love at first sight followed by fast break up, let me think ...

Congratulations, David! That's a huge win. Wonderful stuff. I totally agree with you about not pitching until you feel your script is ready. I made that decision originally and now I'm going back to it. It's hard to be objective about your own writing and I think we need feedback from those whose opinions we respec

Thanks, Wendy. Can you post your logline(s)?

Hi David, I remember your magic turtle logline. Cute idea. I really need to post mine on my site. Today's job. I dislocated my knee Christmas night so I'm not doing the bare minimum, to be honest.

Don't get into the never ending rewrite trap. Where you rewrite and rewrite, and get coverage and rewrite, and get more coverage and rewrite. You could end up doing that forever. Eventually you have to take the chance that your script is done. Can it be better? Probably. Every script can be better and better and better and every script can be rewritten and rewritten especially after getting someone's opinion on what to change. You have to have confidence in your writing and your script and take the leap of faith and send it out there.

Tawny, 10/4