Over the past several decades, Western society has re-evaluated masculinity. Roles once assumed, provider, protector, decision-maker, are now routinely questioned or discouraged. The critique of toxic masculinity was necessary. Harmful behaviours needed naming. Yet in the process, society often failed to distinguish between destructive expressions of masculinity and the constructive traits that families and communities still rely on. During a recent dinner, my wife and I noticed a group of young adults celebrating a birthday. The young women were confident and socially fluent. The young men, raised in the same cultural moment, appeared more hesitant and unsure of themselves. The contrast raised an uncomfortable question: what has happened to our boys? The answer may lie in what we have chosen to cultivate, and what we have quietly abandoned. Empowering Girls, Forgetting Boys Over the last half century, cultural and institutional effort has focused on empowering girls and women. Education systems, media narratives, and public policy have encouraged ambition, independence, and self-belief. This shift was overdue and transformative. Female educational attainment has risen sharply. In most Western countries, women now outnumber men in university enrolments and completions. No equivalent project emerged for boys. Instead of offering updated frameworks for male adulthood, society dismantled the old ones and assumed something better would replace them. Traits once associated with masculinity, decisiveness, leadership, competitiveness, emotional restraint, were increasingly framed as suspect. What followed was not renewal, but a vacuum. Boys learned what not to be, but were rarely shown what to become. Gender Neutrality and the Role Model Gap Gender-neutral education and parenting promised freedom from rigid roles. In practice, it often produced asymmetry. Girls were encouraged to adopt traditionally masculine traits and were supported in doing so. Boys were offered the same aspirational language without any clear vision of healthy masculinity. The outcomes are visible. Across OECD countries, boys lag girls in literacy, school engagement, and behavioural outcomes. They are more likely to disengage from formal education and more likely to be disciplined or excluded. At the same time, strong female role models multiplied, while positive male archetypes quietly faded from cultural prominence. The implicit message was not that masculinity should evolve, but that it might be unnecessary, or worse, inherently problematic. From Assumed Roles to Compressed Lives This shift reshaped family life. In the mid twentieth century, one income could support a modest household. Men’s responsibility for provision and protection, however imperfect, offered predictability. Women’s domestic role was economically viable because the structure supported it. Today, housing, childcare, and living costs are priced on dual incomes. Time-use and household finance data show that single-income households have become increasingly unworkable for middle-income families. Stay-at-home motherhood is now rare and often socially questioned, not because it lacks value, but because it lacks economic feasibility. Women have gained independence, but also inherited a heavier load. The Dual Income Reality The modern economy assumes two working adults. Mortgages, tax structures, and lifestyle expectations reflect this. For many women, paid work is no longer optional. Yet time-use studies consistently show that even in dual-income households, women continue to perform the majority of unpaid labour: childcare coordination, household management, and emotional work. The result is not simple equality, but compression. Professional responsibility sits alongside primary domestic responsibility. Freedom has expanded, but so have stress, cognitive load, and time scarcity. This is not because men are absent, but because masculinity has been culturally narrowed. The Transfer of Responsibility Historically, men were expected to shoulder certain burdens: decision-making under pressure, boundary setting, risk management, and protective leadership. As these traits became discouraged or culturally ambiguous, the responsibilities did not disappear. They shifted. Women now disproportionately manage household organisation, emotional stability, conflict resolution, and long-term planning. Sociologists and family researchers increasingly describe this as “mental load”, a form of invisible labour that intensifies rather than eases with equality. When initiative and decisiveness are culturally discouraged in men, responsibility does not dissolve. It concentrates elsewhere. Relationships Without Polarity Relational dynamics have shifted as well. Traits once foundational to male adulthood are now often met with suspicion. The result is a cohort of men who are emotionally open and agreeable, yet hesitant to lead, commit, or take responsibility under uncertainty. The pastel men. The paradox is clear: greater equality alongside diminished relational clarity. Surveys consistently show women reporting higher autonomy, yet also higher exhaustion. Partnership becomes constant negotiation. Family formation is delayed. Fertility rates fall. Emotional labour increases. Have We Overcorrected? The question is not whether toxic masculinity needed confronting. It did. The question is whether we replaced it with anything coherent. Masculinity, like femininity, is not a flaw. It is a framework. When expressed well, masculine traits, resilience, courage, decisiveness, responsibility, serve families and communities. When suppressed without replacement, society gains politeness but loses reliability and resilience. Women gain independence, but absorb more work. Men lose direction, and society absorbs the cost. Rebuilding Constructive Masculinity Public discourse fixates on what men should not do. What is missing is a clear vision of what men should become. Language matters. Constructive masculinity frames strength as service rather than dominance. Role models matter. Celebrating men who lead responsibly, protect without controlling, and commit without entitlement restores legitimacy to masculine contribution. Mentorship matters. Boys need visible pathways to adulthood. Longitudinal studies consistently show that the presence of engaged male mentors improves behavioural, educational, and life outcomes for boys. Most importantly, society must distinguish between harmful behaviour and strength itself. Being decisive, protective, and resilient is not oppressive. It is often necessary. The Core Paradox The campaign against toxic masculinity sought to reduce harm and promote equality. Too often, positive masculine contributions were removed without replacement. The consequences are visible. Families struggle on a single income. Women carry heavier financial, domestic, and emotional loads. Stay-at-home parenting is marginalised. Men are less prepared, and less expected, to take responsibility under pressure. Masculinity, when cultivated well, is a public good. Suppressing it without offering alternatives does not liberate society. It redistributes the burden and weakens the foundations of family life. The task ahead is not to cancel masculinity, but to reimagine it. To mentor boys toward strength rather than shame. To cultivate resilience, responsibility, and purpose in men, not in opposition to women, but alongside them. If we do not, the outcome is predictable. Fewer toxic men. Fewer capable ones, and a growing generation unsure of what they are meant to become.
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"Hi Maurice,
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Being new to the...
Expand comment"Hi Maurice,
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You're welcome, Hana fatma daira. You could make a post on the Job Board for screenwriters to adapt your stories and concept artists to make art for you. www.stage32.com/find-jobs...
Expand commentYou're welcome, Hana fatma daira. You could make a post on the Job Board for screenwriters to adapt your stories and concept artists to make art for you. www.stage32.com/find-jobs