Screenwriting

Ok, I suggest having Garna say that, Gregory Barone.

Sorry, I'm late with this; life got in the way. I changed a word in both panels to see if it works. thinking of adding more dialogue to the other panels, but not sure if I should.

Garna, the giant, still towering over Garerit, now with a slightly puzzled yet hopeful expression. The giant has his hands resting on a huge, fallen pine tree, looking at Garerit with expectation. His body language conveys effort but also trust, as though he believes the tailor's small size could be an asset in his task. In contrast, Garerit is standing calmly next to the tree, looking up at the giant, but his posture is unfazed. His crossed arms give the impression that he is taking his time to consider the request before answering. The size contrast between the giant and the tailor is stark, making the giant's request feel comically disproportionate.

SB (Garna - Speaking, Dialogue Bubble): "You've shown strength, little man. Will you help me carry this tree? It is too much for one like me to bear. I need to haul this tree back and have it cut up for firewood before the night sets in."

(Ch5 Pg6 Panel 5 - Full-Width Panel)

Garerit stands confidently, with a grin on his face, as he gestures to the huge tree trunk. He directs Garna, the giant, who is now bending down and looking at the trunk with a sense of duty. The panel should emphasize the size contrast once again, showing the tailor's small figure and the gigantic trunk that Garna will carry. Garerit's posture is casual and nonchalant, clearly in control of the situation despite the physical disparity.

SB (Garerit - Speaking, Dialogue Bubble): "You take the trunk, Garna. It's big enough for you. I'll handle the branches. They'll be easier for me to carry!"

Hey, Gregory Barone. I think adding "You've shown strength, little man" helps. Maybe have Garerit say somewhere on the page "I'm just a man" and have Garna reply.

Add that to Panel 2?

Yeah, I think that's fine, Gregory Barone.

I actually cried multiple times writing INSPIRATION INC. which was very shocking to me because I personally just don't cry much. But the story is very personal to me. I have a mild form of synesthesia and I don't create mental images. I can't visualize.

This is one reason I struggle with descriptions.

But by making my protagonist what she is, I was able to explore my little color quirk in a way that is, honestly and truly, striking to read. And it kicked me way harder than I expected. So, I cried. And talked myself out of crying. Then tried to reread back to catch the flow and cried again.

That's when you know it's got that magic. Good job. If it moves YOU, the writer... It'll move the reader. You did that. So whatever scene did that, keep it. It's got the sauce.

Agreed 100% Meriem Bouziani, and I definitely love a good puzzle myself. My best life's works, Petal and Finding Elpis, both have a jigsaw puzzle structure (Petal much more explicitly, and even then it's more of a broken jigsaw puzzle with a whole bunch of pieces either missing or misplaced, that nonetheless trusts you to complete the picture) and I feel it's the most natural setup for both of them rather than a single, cohesive plot (which has definitely pissed a few people off in Finding Elpis's case lmao, God help them if I ever show them Petal). I took huge inspiration from Kunihiko Ikuhara, particularly Revolutionary Girl Utena, with which I can only hope I even manage the tiniest chip of commonality in terms of matching talent. You can rewatch the series endlessly, analyse every possible detail right down to the particles, and still find something new. I dunno if I can ever work with him, but Ikuhara-san would definitely be my dream director since I'm trying to emulate him anyway lol

Thank you, Elle Bolan, and you're 100% right, when you yourself are the most moved... your audience is sure to be, too. Sounds like you got a real gift with INSPIRATION INC., which is quite special and rare. I also don't cry much, certainly not over my own works (the few times I do cry over someone else's work, it's likely an anime/manga, or Persona 3 lol), but BoFS's climax, well before I wrote it, was clear to me as early as TER's climax, and I resisted it but when I read over how heavily it was foreshadowed, and reframed the prequels' points seeing the connections coming out... it was sealed lol. I was already both excited and scared to tackle it, and then when I wrote it... I swear something inside me changed. I'm even more determined to get this series made, my resolve even stronger that I'll take every single other one of my stories to the grave. Thought I was fired up before saying that, now I realise I'm extra serious lol

That’s so inspiring, dream big.

I hope you achieve it one day Banafsheh Esmailzadeh

Thank you, Meriem Bouziani, I hope so, too :) I'm accumulating pitch rejections, but I still have hope that my dream collaborators are out there and I'll find them. Finding Elpis itself is about dreaming big and getting even bigger rewards, so you can definitely see why I'm ready to keep everything else of mine to myself and have it be my one public contribution lol

Hey, Elle Bolan! Congratulations again on finishing the first draft! My week's going great. I finished a one-page script for November Write Club. I was gonna use it as a writing sample, but the concept is unique! I'll either pitch the one-page script, make it a longer short script, or turn it into a feature script.

Nice! Congrats on finishing! I realised a similar thing myself; ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to tell stories, and in my preteens I decided to commit to writing books, and as such I spent the next chunk of my life honing my skills to write novels rather than novellas and novelettes (nevermind that writing and drawing my own comics is also not off the table even though again, committed to novels). In university for the lolz I took a playwriting class and realised it was actually really fun and something I might like to do more of, but put it on the backburner because there's not much of a market for plays and my novels could eventually become them anyway.

Now, though, with my writer's block for novels entering its third, maybe even fourth year... I'm thinking maybe this whole time I really was meant to be a screenwriter. I still think some of my stories are better suited for novels and others for comics, but working on Finding Elpis (especially completing BoFS the other day, whose climax was actually quite similar to Seed's but MUCH more of a gutpunch; feels symbolic in a way lol) has made me even more certain that it's my best work and quite honestly, the only one I actually want to share with the world, and I'll do so even if I have to turn it into a literal life's work as a DIY project.

You're welcome, Srinivasa Peddi. If I meet anyone who's looking for this kind of story, I'll let you know.

And it's Stage 32's November Write Club. It can help you reach a goal(s), it's a chance to connect with writers, directors, producers, etc., and you can get support for your goal and projects. Week 3's blog came out Monday. Today's the last day to do the challenges in the blog for a chance to win three prizes! www.stage32.com/blog/november-write-club-week-3-how-to-make-a-strong-fir...

Maurice Vaughan Thank you so much, Maurice — truly appreciate that.

And thanks for the heads-up about Stage 32’s November Write Club as well. It sounds like a great opportunity to learn, connect, and stay motivated. I’ll definitely check out the Week 3 blog and the challenges — always good to keep pushing forward.

Really grateful for the guidance and support!

You're welcome, Srinivasa Peddi. Great. I forgot to put this in my last comment. Reach out to the Success Team at success@stage32.com. Geoff and his team can help you connect with producers, executives, and more.

Thank you, Maurice Vaughan — really appreciate the tip. I’ll reach out to the Success Team.

You're welcome, Srinivasa Peddi. Have a great weekend!

You're welcome, Elle Bolan. I'm rooting for you to finish your script and sell it! I'll pay attention to the pacing in Fight Club. Thanks.

One of my favourite ones that I've used has got to be the in TER when Erik Rhodes bests Phosphoros in a fiddle contest and takes Rhode's Golden Violin as his prize. Phosphoros was going to trap him by invoking Heads I Win, Tales You Lose, but my boy foiled him by knowing how the song goes XD

I like that setup and payoff, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh! I like when it looks like something is going bad for a character and they switch it up! That's a great writing tool!

Thanks Maurice Vaughan, I agree :D discovering "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" gave me the inspiration for the scene and the lore of Rhode's Golden Violin, and of course there's plenty of subtext and callback to RoP in Phosphoros's attempted Heads I Win, Tails You Lose twist of the song, so it was incredibly satisfying to write, if I do say so myself.

You're welcome, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Inspiration can come from anywhere.

AI is a tool that, like the automobile, the steam engine, the airplane, TV (which didn't replace movies until they merged into streamers) amd a host of other gadgets in our homes we take for granted, will be an inevitable tool in writing. But it cannot replace people unless people want to be forcefed formulaic watered-down, unimaginative stories, which they usually succumb to, succeeding generations so used to it as the only thing that they don't even care.

I use AI to market my work because I don't have a clue, but AI hasn't gotten me a contract so it's clearly not shown itself to be better than me.

I never use it to write scripts even though ChatGPT like a whining boy keeps saying, "Would you like me to write a better version of that for you now?" and they answer always is no.

But--I've shared this before here in astage 32--one day, I overwrote or oversaveda later version with an earlier version cause I write on both my phone and computer I was so scatter by it that I refused to rewrite it. But one morning after the dust had settled on my self-hatred, I asked either it or--I think it was Copilot-- to resurrect it from the dead because I had heard that deleted files still exist in the ether zone somewhere.

Unfortunately, what I got back was a totally new script. AI ain't that good, at least for espionage work.

But I gave the rewrite a chance. Most of it wouldn't work anyway because Amanda and Samantha are not girlfriends. Amanda is Josh’s girlfriend, Samantha’s brother. But she and Samantha have moments because Amanda is supersexual and loves Samantha as a friend (they already "did it" once, at least that's what the loose blouses are meant to suggest when I wrote that.) But I did learn something that enhanced my script: If you go to a show, there's "slightline" where you see the singer from a balcony (I wouldn't suggest it at MSG unless you have a good pair of binoculars and perfect eyesight) and mosh pitthe floor, where you go crazy with all the other moshers. In my hands, the girls want sightline but since Josh’s is the one hacking up the tickets for his sister and his girlfriend, he insists on mosh pit . Fun story, eh? because he's hiding from the police.

Use AI but find where that line is, as we do with children and pets. Use it as the tool to enhance but never replace your work. and keep writing better scripts than the industry can churn out one after the other like an assembly line of fast food. there'll always be a market for art But just look around you at the art out there. Can you afford to live on the money your art will net?

Well, yesterday I did finish my first draft on INSPIRATION INC. I already see some spotty character work that needs done on the front side, but all in all I'm pretty pleased with it. Still wrestling with the experimental pilot. I also did some great networking this week.

Congratulations on your goals and progress! You're doing such a great job of meeting these goals each week. Making it look easy and stuff.

Congratulations on finishing the first draft, Elle Bolan! Rooting for you to finish the script and your experimental pilot!

Thanks. I might write another short script today or this weekend. I usually finish a short in 1-3 days (outline, write, and rewrite). It depends on how long the script is and what else I have going on.

You know, I bet I could write a short script. Flash fiction and micro fiction were a big part of my previous work. I bet I could convert some of my unpubbed stuff into script.

Oh and thanks! I'm excited to do the next pass. I have a rewrite on tethered to do first though.

You're welcome, Elle Bolan. I'm sure you could write a short script. You can pitch short scripts and use them as writing samples. I plan on making a post today/this weekend about my experience writing the one-page script. Writing a one-page script is harder than it might sound. And I'm planning on making a tip list post for writing short scripts next week.

Hi Eileen, do you like sci-fi?

Hi Billy, I'm afraid it isn't my strong suit although I do love suspense (Twilight Zone). I love drama, historical drama, mystery, thriller, biopic, narrative nonfiction, biography, romance, pretty much all genres except sci-fi. I really enjoyed House of Dynamite, The Beast in Me, The Pitt, Landman, Murder in a Small Town, the Dropout, Murdaugh type series even if fiction, the Substance, Broadchurch, The SInner, Absentia, Your Honor, Wayward, just to name a few :)

Happy Friday, Maurice!

I'm working on a Body Horror feature script that's kinda like The Substance, Eileen Cope. I'll keep you in mind for a Pitch Session. Hope you have a great weekend!

Thanks Eileen

Maurice Vaughan Thank you Maurice. My book published in Turkish. I personally translate the stories in English and keeping them in PDF version. If you would like to read I can share one of them with you to get your opinion. Just let me know.

You're welcome, Murat Ersahin. I have a lot of scripts and books to read, so it might take a while to read Turkey. I'll let you know when I can read your book. I bookmarked your profile.

Maurice Vaughan Okay Maurice, as you wish. I would like to hear you in future.

Selling is horribly difficult. I have created 3 no-budget TV-movies, which means that I am one of the most experienced persons here. I have even won a prize as best director. And I still find it difficult to sell a script.

Yes and yes Goran. Unless you have connections. Then they come to the well over and over again.

That’s a great way to organize companies.

All my best wishes in realizing your goals.

This is an invaluable post, Phoenix Black. Surprised it's not getting a bigger response. Maybe people find this too daunting? I hope not, because this is the kind of planning, effort and discipline that it takes.

Great share.

Hey , Phoenix Black . Great job. Sorting out what will work for you will provide more clarity and possibility. Good luck !!!!!!

I'm incredibly jealous of how organized this is. I mean that to be complimentary.

I'm about to start this kind of research and would love to know how you use chat gpt to help with your research, what prompts you use etc. I mostly use it like an organization tool because that's not my strong suit.

I wish you good luck. Last year I went through various lists on the internet, lists with production companies. Most refuse to accept scripts from us who have no agent. Or the companies have no email address on their web site. But I found about 100 to write to.

Hey, Sebastian Tudores! Knowing how to edit could help screenwriters with pacing.

agree 100% Maurice Vaughan ! thx

You're welcome, Sebastian Tudores. I can't make the webinar today (wish I could!), but I plan on watching it later.

I learned screenwriting by directing and editing the scripts I wrote myself. So learning editing is a good idea. But there are cheaper programs which are easier to learn and almost as powerful. I have used Adobe Premiere Elements a lot. But I did use Premiere Pro from 2003 to 2005, when I learnded filmmaking at a public access television station.

When writing, I like the UI to get out of the way. That's why I prefer the undistracted environment found in Beat for macOS. Plus, it's free. There's also a pay-once-own-forever version for iOS and iPadOS for under $15.

Final Draft...

Story Work and Final Draft work for me.

I've been using Highland Pro for several months now and like it a lot.

Trelby freeware. Easy to learn. Can handle all relevant file formats.