Longlines continue to change depending on which pro you get feedback from...
Hi, I hope all is well, and you are progressing on your screenplays. I have been plugging away for years in the Film Industry on both sides of the camera, but mostly as a Production Designer. These days I have added the job of a screenwriter to push my own film projects forward if you would indulge me with some logline help.
Here are five different loglines for the same short screenplay of mine, NOT AN EXIT, as you can see on my profile. It is a 40-page short, and its Genre is Superalnatural-Horror, Chrime. Pic your favorite and let me know.
LOGLINES
Logline 1
Through strange circumstances, a serial killer is reunited in a haunted house with his victims. These spirits have been waiting for a very long time, and with the help of a mute janitor, they will finally have their revenge.
Logline 2
The past is never far behind. After twenty-six years, supernaturally, a serial killer collides with his victims in a haunted house who finally get their revenge.
Logline 3
Revenge is sweet, even if it takes supernatural means to get it. The spirits of murder victims are trapped in limbo and can't pass on until their serial killer comes face to face with his crimes.
Logline 4
The mummified heads of a serial killer are found twenty-six years after their gruesome deaths and beheadings. Once found and mistaken for old horror movie props, they are displayed in a haunted house, where they meet their killer and get revenge.
Logline 5 - Wildsound Audio
A serial killer is reunited with his victims in a haunted house through a strange coincidence 26 years later. With their bodies burned to ash, all that remained were their mummified heads. The heads, once discovered, were mistakenly put into a haunted house as décor props. These victims have been waiting for a very long time, and at last, the day comes, they will have their revenge.
Responding by the # would be great! Let's see what you all think. Your input is much appreciated.
Thank you all, and keep moving forward!
Sid
Hi Sid, it's lovely to meet you! My preference of the 5 is #4. They are all a bit lengthy. Make sure your logline is as concise and specific as possible. For example, "Revenge is sweet, even if it takes supernatural means to get it" is a fun movie tagline but doesn't need to be tacked on to the logline if the logline is doing its job. This is a really fun premise! Make sure you post your loglines in the logline section of the site as well. https://www.stage32.com/loglines
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Thanks. I do have the Stage32 Pitching Guidebook I work with. However, I've not been able to follow up on everything there. Thanks for your input. I will post the loglines.
You're so right, Sid. Loglines, as with almost everything written, is a work in progress.
Hello Sid, wonderful to meet you. My choice is #1. Perhaps a little shorter..: "A serial killer is reunited in a haunted house with his victims who join forces with a mute janitor, to mete out their revenge." This story sounds very interesting.
Greetings, Sid. I'm also on board with Logline #1. Straightforward and to the point. Great concept. Sounds like a winner. I wish you all the best with it. Also: the word 'killer' is missing in logline #3.