I write... a lot. I write like it's my job (because it IS my job). I write every day, write multiple different things in a day, tell others how to write, and think about what I write, while I'm writing it.
And most of the time, I'm okay with what I write. Some stuff is better than others, some is just meh, and some is embarrassing.
But in general terms, I'm okay with my work.
And then, this week... all of a sudden... I Hate It.
I hate the words, I hate the rhythm, I hate the plots and the characters and... everything.
That's... new. And not good. I'm supposed to be championing my stuff out here, I'm supposed to be convinced I'm awesome.
So I spoke to a friend, and he asked if it was imposter syndrome. And I don't think it is. I don't think that I don't belong here - I very much do, I worked hard to get here. It's also not that I've lost motivation or anything.
So I took a walk. Ate some gooooooood pasta (with SO much cheese, omg). Took a breath. Opened the script for The Closing. And read it.
I read it, pretending I'd never seen it before.
And I could not put it down.
Turns out I was fatigued. I had been staring at these pages, these words for so long that everything seemed to blur into one another - and everything was shit.
I needed a break, and I needed to come back to it with fresh eyes, with the eyes of someone who sees it all for the first time.
As writers, we get so bogged down sometimes. We forget that just because the idea has been living inside OUR minds for so long that it feels boring and feels like it's not new or innovative, or interesting anymore... that does not mean that to the outside world it's not a fresh new take.
So. Deep breath. Good Pasta. Walk.
Don't hate it.
It's good.
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I know the feeling.
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That love/hate relationship with writing is the best/worst part of it. An yet there's noting else I'd rather be doing.
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Ambivalence sets in near completion of a script because after a certain point, it writes itself. I'm never confident till a few pro-readers weigh in objectively.
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This is why when I finish a first draft, I put it away for one to two weeks. You need some separation and recovery to come back, view with fresh eyes, make an honest assessment and dive into the rewrite.
It's definitely not imposter syndrome. It's what Coppola said about any artist that doesn't always suffer from doubt not being a true artist.
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Thank you! I needed to hear and soak these words up today!
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I totally know where you're coming from. I'm sorry; it sucks to be in that place. I suffered through imposter syndrome for over 24 years. I'm so glad you're finding your way past.
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Ronika Merl I think all writers have a love-hate relationship with writing. Others look at the finished work and say, wow, that's easy -- then have unrealistic expectations about writers and the time it takes to make those words sing off the page. Sometimes those words just flow off our fingers into the blank page. Other times, it takes a week, or more, to write one phrase. Yea, we get it. We all get it. But like RB says, once you think your work is done, that's when you step away and go back and look at it with fresh eyes. Writing is hard. I am not a fast writer, either. I deliberate every word, jump on a thesaurus so I am not redundant. While I think I have researched enough to finish the draft, always, once I get in, I have to jump into another tab and research more.
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Most welcome Nicky Johnson
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We've all been there, Ronika Merl. Our "inner critic" is a cruel yet necessary voice to the creative process. Without it the story-telling-world would be, at best, filled with cliches and, at worst, boredom. Hang tough and enjoy the pasta!
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I've been this way, Ronika Merl. I think you nailed it on the head. You were fatigued. Taking a break has helped me when I was fatigued with a script. Sometimes it's a day, a few days, weeks, etc.
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Ronika Merl Had this happen this week, in fact. In my case, it was emotional fatigue from a personal situation that was totally unrelated to my writing. The neat thing is that after reading this, a light bulb turned on and I realized what was happening. And thanks to your transparency, I can come out of it. So thank you for this!
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Good pasta! Love it! Thank you!
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I understand where you're coming from Ronika. Same thing happened to me when I wrote my Master's thesis... In this current situation of my first entry into screenwriting though, I'll admit it's difficult because I don't know how to translate my story into the script yet, because there is so much that I need to explore still. Nevertheless, I try to keep my motivation in check and work on it at my own pace.
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This was an amazing read Ronika. You described pretty much exactly how I feel!
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I can relate @ronika Merl. Its never easy.
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In addition to inspiration and imagination, writing is held up by WORK. Tools and hard work.
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Glad you got a break :-)
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What I’m getting is that cheese is the solution. But really, we always need to be reminded to take a break. Walk away. And then to actually do it, not just say “I know, I know”. Thanks for the reminder!
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I'm actually satisfied with pretty much everything I write, but that's subjective so I pass it on around as soon I'm over...been booed many times so far, but no one's ever said "the worst script ever read"...so I'm just like many others...potential's there but needs work...and that's the closest to the truth I guess...
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A good reminder that sometimes we work so much and don't realize we need a break - because we're human beings ! Writing can be so intense. Thank you for sharing Ronika !