Screenwriting : Writers seeking referrals or literary agent by Mikael Brusio

Mikael - I took a look at the first few pages of your script. No disrespect, but if this is an example of your best work, you are not ready to go out yet. Initial pointers: Direction - Unless you are shooting this yourself, you need to remove camera direction, as that alone will land you in the junk pile at any reputable Agent's office. Action - Over descriptive action. What I read on page one could easily be told three, small action paragraphs. You are the storyteller, let the director worry about the small details. Anybody here, with worthwhile, Hollywood connections will only recommend someone who is ready. They won't want to waste their connection's time or jeopardize that relationship on anything else. Study the craft, keep writing and you'll get there.

thanks for the heads up... your right i have a long way to go... thanks for the advice... i know ill be the best referral someone can give cause i know wat i can produce... qnd thanks for reading some...

Cool, but I think you're missing the point. "What you can produce" has to be on the page. In Hollywood ideas and potential is in abundance, it's all about execution Agents are only interested in selling you work, your potential and development is the responsibility of your management.

again not missing the point. we are all about original stories... you know the first few pages which is great but you havent gotten into the story... ill fix the directions but i was given a gift and i will present it... Fire and Ice will sell and is so easy to sell... it takes one amazing story... thats it and fire and ice has that... and so does my othe 3 screen plays my 2 tv series 3 specs, 1 webseries, and 1 new pilot.... i am working on another movie as we speak... i only improve... and my ambition and my mind will blow away hollywood and then my series of Novels to tell the stories of dreams hopes conidence in the life of so many characters that live a happy life... cause all they did was find faith in themselves.. im here to bring light in the world.. its my destiny and my legacy. thank u again marvin

MIkael - Unfortunately, you DID miss the point. Your reply of "you know the first few pages which is great but you havent gotten into the story" is a typical rookie statement. Here's another statement you should understand "if it's bad on page one, it doesn't get better" Your story could be the greatest, but if it's bogged down in over descriptive action, no one is going to get to the story, because THEY DON'T HAVE THE TIME. If a reader has 10 scripts to read in one evening, they will scour the first few pages and if it is not a fast, tight, well-paced, intriguing read, it will simply get tossed. Any experienced screenwriter/ reader can tell from the FIRST page whether a writer has chops and my tough love response is, that you are not ready to got out yet. You don't have to listen to any advice given here, but Jacqueline is right, If you present work to agents that isn't ready, you wont get a second chance.

Marvin you got me to look at the script decide to leave camera angles out and get into the story quicker. just because you dont see the revise form doesnt mean i didnt look to your criticism. for the 3rd time i got your point and thank you for the advice. if you cant read all 13 pages after I leave this comment. any more feedback will be deleted. I LOVE CRITISM good or bad and i thank you for your comments. I hope you only success and hope that you are as successful as Ill be, if your not successful already. I am gonna keep writing til my light goes out and hopefully all that i write relights it even after. I want to always make this world better and I have been pushing for this nearly 2 years. I have been more poetic, short stories, and my books like I said. I was given a gift to write stories I believe in, entertain several options before i choose one, always remember what drew me to this story, keep my AUDIENCE always in mind. this movie is one for Girls, daughters, mothers, women who need to find stregth and love in themselves, women who love romance, women who feel they give up too much of themselves even when they never thought they would but in the end they stand on there own two feet and die with Love strength pride and the one they always wanted to spend there life with. any any girls who wanna drag their bfs, husbands, brothers, stoner friends, sugar daddies, dates, and anyone in hollywood business... this movie is an easy sell cause the story is there now i got to keep reading my 2 screen writing books, with every script I write. so no matter what as a writer I will do the best I can. I am the future. the present. so take my works as gifts

But you need something to convince readers that you have a talent. Readers read a few pages and put the screenplay down if they dislike it. And everyone in the industry does that. Has there ever been a script that started out bad but ended well? I have not heard of such a script but it is possible. You saying that you are an amazing talent is fine. But unless you can show it somehow, besides saying it, then we can't really know it for sure. Because in reality someone who is a bad writer could say the same thing. So that's not proof of anything.

Try to compete in script competitions. If you really are all that you can win Nicholl and that will give you what you are seeking for sure.