THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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SIN EATER (ABDUCTION)
By Kelvin Angel Matafu
SYNOPSIS:
A wife notice a change in her husband behavior towards her, she takes on a mission to find out about who is behind of her husband change. After two year of searching she finds out there is another woman. And she plans to ask him why he's been cheating on her for over two years, so she hires a kidnapper to do the work with instructions of not harming him. The kidnapper after being given the photograph of a man and lady in question. It turns out that the women is the kidnappers wife, so they tend to it together.
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Hi, Kelvin Angel Matafu. Your concept sounds interesting (especially the twist -- "it turns out that the kidnapper is the husband to the mistress"), but I think your logline needs some work. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The pilot logline and episode loglines for a TV show might not follow this template, but the series logline could.
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1 person likes this
Maurice than you
You're welcome, Kelvin Angel Matafu.