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THE CRABS

THE CRABS
By Andrew J. Ramirez

GENRE: Horror, Comedy
LOGLINE:

After two young people afflicted with crabs go swimming in a polluted creek, the lice mutate, grow in size, and begin to attack local teens.

SYNOPSIS:

Horror scripts these days (and films made from those scripts) need a gimmick to get the interest of the audience. It’s no longer as easy as giving a crazed human a weapon or a typical monster movie. What you need now is something taboo, and I think that’s what THE CRABS provides. In this script, the Pubic Lice STD, known as “Crabs” in slang, is the monster. How does this happen? Well read on or read the script to find out.

It’s the early 2000s and George W. Bush is president of the United States. For some reason he believes that the social policy he should push forward most is “sexual abstinence” among the youth. That is, holding off on any sexual activity before marriage. Like the youth would now, my generation scoffed at the notion, and it became a joke to tell each other that we we’re abstinent. That may not have been the case in rural Texas where this script takes place. At least not for most teens.

One night in a small a rural town in Texas, two men pour a mysterious substance in a creek. They leave the scene immediately (since what they are doing is illegal) and we never see or hear from them again. Kassie is the “it” girl at her high school and she happens to be dating a college guy. One morning, she skips class to meet up with her boyfriend and they began to get intimate. They decide to go in the creek where the mysterious liquid had been poured the night before.

Kassie and her boyfriend aren’t the most hygienic people, and they happen to be infected with pubic lice. The pubic lice mix with the mysterious substance and begin to mutate. Later that day, we see them (now bigger in size) leave the creek for land. Rose, the true main protagonist, aspires to be a journalist and leave her small, conservative, boring town. She happens to know Kassie and after a someone dies outside of Kassie’s house (hint: it was the crabs), Rose wants to get to the bottom of the story. Kassie won’t just give Rose what she wants, so in exchange for telling her the story, Kassie wants Rose to bring an innocent girl to one of her “kickbacks.”

Rose agrees and eventually takes the innocent girl to the party. What the party goers don’t know is that the crabs have mutated to great sizes and burrowed into the ground. The group figures out that the crabs attack when they think about anything sexual. They must survive the night by destroying the crabs or waiting for help to arrive. I can’t spoil this one's ending (i.e. who lives), so you're just going to have to have to read it.

*Script available on Script Revolution or for serious enquirers only.

Jenean McBrearty

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Jenean McBrearty

Love it! Considering where crabs love to live, this had me from the gate and made me itch to see the finished product. I hope the backstory lets us in on how/where said crabs were caught! Woodstock-like festival? Political rally? Is this another Attack of the Killer Tomatoes riff? :)

Andrew J. Ramirez

A company that messes with chemicals poured waste into a creek where one the protagonists lives. She and her college boyfriend get hot and heavy in the creek, and the crabs they were already afflicted with mutate after that. I wanted to write a script as ridiculous as Sharknado was and I think I succeeded.

Sasha Stella

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Nathaniel Baker

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Egi David Perdana II

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Ray Ghasemi

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Sigurjón Helgi Kristjánsson

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