Screenwriting : Need some feedback on my first Pitch Deck by Richard Lamb

Welcome back to screenwriting, Richard Lamb. Overall, incredible pitch deck. I think it’s cool that you posted dialogue from the script in the pitch deck.

Here are my suggestions:

I suggest telling the ending in the synopsis instead of saying “This will not be a happy ending.” You don’t want producers, directors, etc. to pass on your script because you held back in the synopsis.

It’s kinda hard to read the first paragraph on the Characters page. Maybe decrease the brightness of the background picture some.

I suggest stretching out the text box so “her” isn’t on a line alone (in the last sentence on the Characters page).

Add a Rundown/Details page near the front of the pitch deck so the reader will know what genre the script is, that the script is a feature script, and other information. I usually put the Rundown page after the Logline page. Sometimes I put the logline on the Rundown page. I’ll post a picture of one of my Rundown pages with my comment.

Add an About Writer page near the end of the pitch deck (before the Contact page).

Add a Contact page at the end of your pitch deck.

Adding a Rundown/Details page, About Writer page, and Contact page will make the pitch deck 15 pages, which is ok. I aim to make my pitch decks 10-15 pages.

Or you could combine the About Writer page and Contact page so the pitch deck is 14 pages.

Thanks, Maurice Vaughan. Thanks for taking the time. That's really helpful. I will follow your suggestions.

You're welcome, Richard Lamb. Glad the suggestions help. I said "Sometimes I put the logline on the Rundown page" in my last comment. I put the logline on a separate page sometimes, like you did, so there's not so much info on the Rundown page.

Richard Lamb I'm no expert (I still have a lot to learn) but I like this quite a lot. The graphics are excellent.

Thank you, Tucker Teague. I appreciate that. I'm no expert, either, but I'm fortunate that graphics are my livelihood. Who knew it could be so handy for my screenwriting!

I put the logline on a separate page in my "Escape the House" pitch deck so there's more space on the Rundown page, Richard Lamb. I also added the title in the bottom corner of each page after the title page, like you did. I've seen it done that way before, but I've never tried it. I like the look of the title in the bottom corner.

The deck looks great! Are pitch decks necessary for writers? That's another debate. But this is a good exercise to show that you understand the marketing side of the movies.

I agree with others that the deck should talk a bit about the end game. Is it just survive the night like Howl or The Purge? Or do they have to solve the origin story of the ghost like in The Ring? Or do they have to find a talisman to defeat the ghost? Etc.

If you have $$ thoughts on the production budget, I would include that on a page with some estimated dollars. The reason why I mention it is that you say it should be a relatively low budget, but your comps vary a lot in budget. I would present a basic budget in round numbers and stick to horror comps that have a small cast and a similar range in budget. As an example ($s to verify), Insidious $1.5M budget. The Witch $4M. Get Out $4.5M. It Follows $1.5M. Hush $1M.

Maybe have a page talking about the target audience. There are lots of websites that break down genres and potential audience. M-F. Age range. Education. Binge watchers. Slasher vs. haunted house vs. zombie genre.

Maybe rearrange a bit: Title slide, Logline, Synopsis, Add a Moodboard, Main characters, Setting/Location, Key scenes, Production Budget, Comps, Target audience, Contact/Team Info

Great points, Christopher Phillips!

You have a great handle on making pitch decks, Richard Lamb. Here are some resources that piggyback on what Christopher Phillips said.

Pitch deck examples (TV and feature):

https://aarondavis.com/the-tracks-tv-series-pitch-deck/

https://www.deezinersstudios.com/

Here's an article on how to make a pitch deck (it has a pitch deck example): https://screencraft.org/blog/screenplay-pitch-deck/ Ken’s pitch deck has information in it that’s helpful to a screenwriter making their pitch deck, but his deck has a different purpose (to get funding for his film), so there are things in it that a screenwriter doesn’t need to use in their deck.

And here's a great webinar on putting together a pitch deck (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-to-Put-Together-a-Perfect-Pitch-Deck-for-yo...). It's taught by Michelle Alexandria. She REALLY knows her stuff about pitch decks. I've worked with her on pitch deck jobs.

You can also do an image search for "movie pitch decks" on Bing (www.bing.com/images/search?q=movie+pitch+decks&form=HDRSC3&first=1).

Christopher Phillips, thank you so much for you input. Greatly appreciated. I'm not sure if pitch decks are necessary or not for writers, but when I discovered the trend was for producing them I fully embraced it, feeling that my background in design would give me an edge.

I'll take your suggestions on board, for sure, and I will attempt to come up with a budget estimate. It really would be a rough idea, with no experience in that area. A comparable project was the movie Wind Chill, although it was a box office flop and not a helpful comp in that regard.

Maurice Vaughan, thanks again. I'll take a look at those resources. As far as images go, I have access to a wealth of stock images since I use them a lot for my design work.

You're welcome, Richard Lamb. ShotDeck is also a great place for pitch deck images.

Christopher Phillips and Maurice Vaughan, I have a question about Comps. Christopher, you mentioned that I had Comps which were way above the estimated budget for my project. But should Comps reflect just the budget, or should they also reflect the themes of the project. In other words, what is the main purpose of a Comp?

Love it! You knocked it out of the park.

I've done a few, and they are quite involved and take considerable time to finish. Congratulations on that!

I would suggest getting a website for DARK ROAD.

Here is one of mine. I used Midjourney for the concept art and I am a motion designer, so I made the graphics and laid it out.

https://safari-pitch.com/pitch-deck

By the way, great first deck... I hear you about the 2000s. That's when my writing partner and I first gave this a go. We sold a pitch to Disney and worked with them for a year before the project was shelved due to a regime change after several bombs. But that's as far as we got. We had an agent at ICM, a manager and an ent.lawyer (still have the lawyer and I speak to our old manager from time to time, but he's out of the business now). We reconnected a year and a half ago and have been writing ever since.

Are you a motion designer by chance? That's what I do.

I pick a comp based on the tone of the movie, Richard Lamb. That's the key purpose of a comp for me. I also try to only use comps that were box office successes. Sometimes that's not possible (ex: The comp is a Netflix movie).

Tom Firestone That's a great looking Pitch Deck, Tom, and thanks for the comments on mine. I love how you've incorporated ideas for expansion of the franchise into your deck. Nice idea!

I'm not a motion designer, no. I'm a web designer and digital designer. So a website for Dark Road would be something I can easily manage. Thanks for that idea.

Maurice Vaughan, that's what I was looking at with my comps, too. Movies that have the same tone, while also demonstrating a healthy budget to return ratio. Even if the budget is above that of my own project.

Richard Lamb Thank you. I use GoDaddy to get the domain and use their website builder. I'd say do that. It's much quicker and not too expensive at all.

Wayyyyyy too long. I am lost already just glimpsing through.

Looks great. Well done.

I like it. A lot. In your bio, you said you're a designer. Was not too sure what kind though. As soon as I opened the document the question was answered... and I am assuming it's your work. So I said to myself... looks great design - the background, the colors etc. Well designed, the font, style and pacing. I like the COMPS panel too.

But I am a newbie. I haven't got a clue if it works or not, there are so many factors. Could you have added individual audios to the panels? White out of black, helped by the nice fonts and point sizes do the job.

Stretching my mind 35 years back, and who am I to dispute David Ogilvy’s statements, Irrespective, one saying still irks me, perhaps I don’t really agree (who cares whether I do or not). - If you have nothing to say, say it in reverse type or white on black. - But you have used it to max. effect. He could have been talking about press ads though.