Screenwriting : What's your latest script about and why should people read it? by Phillip E. Hardy, Prolifique

"Why did you write your latest feature or teleplay?"

Because a director friend suggested I rework my TV series into a feature.

Why should industry people read it?

It's fun! In the reworking, it became a cross between a political thriller and a RomCom: Vengeance carries a heavy price, but not for those who love.

I'm writing my one and only feature because it's the greatest TRUE story ever told.

Industry people should read it and produce it, or they will be on the dark side of history, forever.

Well, I guess if I don't blow my own horn nobody will, so here goes.

I wrote Danny-XY-Kalifornia because of a u-tube clip I saw. In the clip a transgender woman (male to female) was being beaten, literally to death, by two young men, for god knows what reason, and it broke my heart and enraged me so much so I had to create a character that would be a champion for that community hence Danny Kalifornia was born.

Below is the feedback I received from Coverage Ink

DANNI KALIFORNIA is a curious, if not exciting, coming-of-age drama that chooses to do something interesting with its narrative structure by tying it directly to the whims and choices of the protagonist. The script hides this at first, however, as it chooses to tell the story in broad, familiar strokes. This can be primarily felt in the setup of Danny’s internal struggle - i.e. his transgender identity - and the choices of antagonists such as his father, John, and Billy. In John’s wounded father and Billy’s closeted homophobe, the writer creates a landscape that echoes the well-told story of a protagonist trying to fit in and find his identity but, up until Danny shooting Billy, it struggles to reveal the true direction that the writer wants to take.

While there are elements of different types of stories and genres within it, DANNI KALIFORNIA is, first and foremost, a character study that is brave enough to evolve its tonality - passive and nervous to raging and unstable - with its protagonist. This takes shape when Danny is sentenced to prison and, in what remains of the first half, the writer opts to look at what it really means to find one's identity. In the prison environment, the writer makes no bones about the fact that this transformation isn’t going to be pretty - something that is made clear as soon as Danny is thrown to Nero in the jail cell and the odds are stacked against him.

It is this ugliness and Danny’s evolution into Danni that gives the script it’s most memorable moments, such as Danny saving himself from Nero in brutal fashion. Danny’s transformation to his new self feels invigorating. For that reason, DANNI KALIFORNIA certainly stands out.

With regard to the way the structure plays out, the writer hits several key turning-point beats with aplomb and, because of the energy on show, the script never really slows down. From the point where the film stops becoming a “prison movie” the audience is forced to quickly recalibrate, but the writer does well to enforce the notion that it is not the genre that is important, but the protagonist and his/her journey. This question manifests itself the most when Danni segues into alternative porn but, because of how the story is anchored to Danni, the audience only really questions the writer’s intentions a small amount during this section

As the story evolves yet again into Danni’s final stretch of her transformation, she becomes a manic yet increasingly interesting protagonist who is hell-bent on doing anything to protect her own fractured identity. This journey comes full circle when a Male Porn Star slips a finger into Danni’s ass - a choice he soon comes to regret when he’s forced to go down on the embittered trans star.

With this journey wrapped up, the writer opts to remind the audience of all the characters that Danni has pissed off on the way and, as a result, the last twenty pages are nail-biting. This starts with Danni’s confrontation with Billy - a decision which will color his fate - and continues with Danni stealing from Nicky before going back to the bar with the optimism of starting over in his mind. While the ending itself is an absolute downer, the choices that Danni makes leading up to it suggest that his story has already ended with her own empowerment and that, in setting up a system where Kimberley still gets the money, she has chosen to go out on her own steam.

Whether or not this is true is obviously subjective, but the final act itself does well to perpetuate the idea that Danni will have to literally die in order to protect her identity. Despite the downer of an ending, the writer does well to surprise us with who will be the one to end Danni’s life - a realization that comes with the knowledge that Danni has pissed off a lot of people on the way. Because of the reveal that it is, in fact, Nero’s brother and not Nicky or Billy that will pull the trigger, the writer manages to create a sense of surprise. Furthermore, the way in which Danni is murdered rings true to the time and setting of the story, reminding us all that we live in more measured and understanding times.

Because my co-writer had access to a barge. So the story revolves around that set.

Steve: I'm my biggest promoter. LOL

Why? Because I think my concept would be cool visually.

Why should Industry ppl read? Because the concept would benefit their own careers, regardless if I am fired or not :)

"The Last Don" is an action packed sci-fi thrill ride. Think Luke Skywalker on Earth but in a John Wick movie, with Obi-Wan giving orders and advice from orbit. The planet is dying, the mafia is now one of four mega-corps running the world with the other three are trying to stop Project Eden, a venture to send young candidates to populate a new planet, and one shy young man must overcome his own insecurities to save the future of humanity.

Phillip E. Hardy, Prolifique I wrote my last pilot "The 40" because I'm a PK (Preacher's Kid) and Sci-fi junkie. The industry should read it to get away from their reality for an hour. Reason why I read and watch TV. Onward and upward.

I only write shorts now - I'm working on a dual character (good/bad) character relationship piece.

Is it wise to share the secret sauce of why your story is so incredible on a very public place? I tend to think if your idea is that amazing, dont give it all away.

My latest script is a rewrite of one I wrote a long time ago. It is based on a true story about a con man who gets conned into paying for his own hit. I think it is a good story, so people would want to read it but it's not a spec screenplay.

Jon Shallit I think you win on the reason :)

I don't give a damn if anyone reads it or not. If I like it when it's finished - I'll Produce it (or not).

Well, Phillip, I'm going to go ahead and dish on the latest screenplay I've sent to "FADE OUT," "Small Flyers."

"Small Flyers" came about because ever since the early 1980s, I'd wanted to write a script about two little girls wanting to fly airplanes. At first, it was going to be an adventure set in the 1930s and would involve a pair of preteens wanting to be stunt pilots.

Last year, I decided to revisit the concept...except I thought "Small Flyers" would work better if set right after World War 2 and if its focus changed to the two preteen girls wanting to emulate their dad, who was trying to readjust to civilian life after flying forty missions for the US Army Air Corps. (And I thought the story would hit more bases as a combination adventure-comedy-drama-family movie.)

Here's what's in it for industry people to read "Small Flyers:" (1) They get a chance to take another look at a time that changed world history in general and American history in particular, the 1940s. (2) The story questions one central theme of the American postwar experience: "Ladies...thank you for building those bombers! Now get back in the kitchen!" (3) It throws light on some issues we're STILL wrestling with as a nation here in the 2020s...namely the roles of Black and Brown people in the US, the roles of schools here, and parenting in America. (4) I'm sure (hoping!) industry folks will find it a fun read.

And whether you're an industry person or not, if you check out "Small Flyers," I hope you'll have as much fun reading it as I had in the writing.

Mine’s a period-piece horror pilot about witches, witch hunters and the blood-trailed wake their war leaves behind them. Morally complex and darkly relatable characters make up this ensemble. Love, betrayal, vengeance and werewolves make up this twisted tale of who’s the greater evil, the true villain. Why should people read it? From beginning to end I transport you to the atmospheric world of gothic horror where a ghoulish and cathartic journey awaits my readers.

Hi Phill, I would like to add to this based on a story from another writer. This writer had written what they believed to be a timeless classic. They got to pitch it to an executive, something many of us don’t get to do. The feedback was, “Why do I need to make this now”.

The quality was there, but due to the timeless nature of the story. There was no “now” motivation. The executive could want a year, two, five.

So not only why should they read it. Why should they read it NOW.

The only thing I can add is give them a sense of loss. If they don’t read it they are losing something. Loss hurts twice as much as a gain bring joy.

Got a short one I just pitched today...why? Cause it stands chances of FF wins and spotlight on a shoestring budget.

Craig I’ve had the same experience when pitching - why now? But I think if you’re excited about your screenplay, you already know why others need to see it now. It’s called good marketing, Philip lol!

Your teleplay sounds great, Phillip E. Hardy, Prolifique. Really unique.

My latest script is a Virtual Reality/Drama short script, not a feature or teleplay. It's titled "RACEism." People should read it because I think it will help some racist people stop being racist and it's a unique concept that's cheap to make.

"The only thing I can add is give them a sense of loss. If they don’t read it they are losing something." Great advice, Craig. I don't think any exec wants to miss out on a great thing.

This is a great prompt and community building post Phillip E. Hardy, Prolifique. Great feedback from several people about being specific. The more the specific the better! I like to ask myself "why" until I can't get any more specific. I encourage everyone to post your loglines - https://www.stage32.com/loglines.

Hi Cara, this didn’t happen to me. I am relay a story that was told here in Stage32 by someone. I think it is important to think of timing.

I am not talking about chasing a trend. But also realising when that boat has sailed. Unless you can complete subvert something. I can’t see anyone spending big money on a Zombie movie at the moment (as an example).

There always needs to be a sense of urgency presented to a buyer of anything. That is my we see advertising “24 hour sale”. We need to in our stories or pitches produce a sense of urgency.

That is the point I was trying to make (perhaps poorly). If someone can delay a decision, they will make the urgent decision first. A sense of urgency is our friend.

Niki:

Thank you for posting. Appreciate your feedback.

Actually, Jon Shallit's barge story reminded me of my freshest project: a short currently in the UK Yarns competition. A director friend contacted me to collaborate on an entry. The story had to be set in the UK and had to be based on one of six Greek myths, with a max runtime of five minutes. So constraints galore. The cool thing is that if your project is selected, they give you a budget and post-production services to shoot it. Plus they show and promote the finished product. So, fingers crossed.

Ah, the eternal question!!

I guess you have got to feel deep in your guts that your movie has something important to say, beyond genre, and beyond story.

I think, for a filmmaker, in order to impress people with his 1st or 2nd feature, it is not enough to have a well packaged & polished product. You have to take them for a ride into the unexpected... You have to get them internally.

Well, at least that's what I'm trying to do with mine.