Screenwriting : Pacing/tone conundrum by Kenneth Daniels

You could make the conversations funny, entertaining, and dramatic so the reader/viewer won't focus on them sitting around talking, Kenneth Daniels. You could also give them things to do while they're sitting around talking so the scenes will be entertaining.

Hey @Kenneth! This is a great question - I think you can always add an element so that this isn't just them sitting and talking, but would heighten things (think of it as an improv comedy 'game') OR make sure that the conversation does lead to something. Think of the '40-Year-Old Virgin'. They all find out that the protagonist hasn't had sex while just sitting around a table talking and playing poker, and once that reveal happens, it changes everything. Another great moving to watch is 'Drinking Buddies,' and any other mumblecore film, where they're mostly people sitting around talking, but those conversations do lead to something and it builds. So even if your characters are physically holding still, the story is still moving forward. I hope that helps!

The lack of momentum could be turned into an opportunity to flesh your characters even more, without going into exaggerated monologue territory. Less is more. Your characters can discuss all they want about their future, just as long as you don't over expose them or their backstory. I hope it makes sense.

I hear you both, Emily & Marcel, and very much appreciate your feedback. The thing that I am most conflicted by is the fact that the sort of people I am presenting as these characters are, at this point in their lives, all talk and no action! Makes it tough when the reality or their reality is long BS sessions on the couch. I show them doing other things, of course, but that's their main activity, playing video games and talking about how cool the business they want to open would be, despite the fact that their beer-swilling butts can't get motivated enough to even write a basic business plan. That is, until some things transpire which light a fire under them.

Kenneth Daniels Exactly! Something has to light a fire under your characters. Otherwise, they'll come off as cliché, lazy-ass people.

Have you considered that where you want to start the pilot might be better served as part of the “story world building” & character backstory? If you start later, closer to the day it all changes for them, then all that backstory won’t necessarily be wasted. It could inform the present. And make your opening more vibrant. Some combination of that and what Maurice said about making the banter entertaining as hell. Funny and/or bury the exposition somehow. Lots of options.

Excellent suggestion! Maurice Vaughan I have used just that device with what I would like to think is pretty good success. Most of my scenes are 'characters talking' (which is actually perfect for radio/podcast). When I was first working on my characters, trying to write more engaging dialog that revealed something helped me sort out what they should be saying and what they weren't saying - both as subtext and as me not having written it. Then, I read aloud. That made me realize what needed to be cut. I'd belabored too many details. It wasn't needed. I just had to put in enough to get the idea across. It's harder than it seems.

In my script "Nobody's Heroes" I had my main characters, five HS seniors in 1965, sit around in a diner talking right after a scene where they were involved in an anti-Vietnam-war demonstration that turned violent. They barely mentioned that but instead I used the diner scene to establish the friendship and bond that united them and would keep them loyal to each other several years later when pro-war and anti-war passions reached a fever pitch and they found themselves on opposite sides yet would rally to save one of their own. Without that "sitting around" diner scene, the story falls apart in the 2nd act.

Andrew, Terri, Michael: thank you for your comments. Each of you make valid points. As the name of my would-be show suggests, the characters are in a state of transition from their college years into their early careers. As such, the story, in essence, is a coming of age tale. I know I am not alone in the fact that the transition they are all going through was challenging when I did it. This is an indication that the story will be one that is relatable to a wide audience. I believe there should be a compact between myself and my viewers, one which hinges on relatability and believability. Were I to have these folks just jump from hedonistic college kids into professional business people, then I would be undermining that tacit relationship with my audience. So you see my issue. How do I “show” a group of young people who basically sit around talking about the future rather than “tell” through their dialog? Fortunately, it isn’t so bad as to be one of them speaking about things rather than doing them since they are instead engaged in conversations about the past, present and future. Anyway, should anyone reading this be willing, I’d really appreciate it if you would read a scene or two in order to judge how well I walked the line. The script is available here upon request: www.lotsbrewing.com

Revelations usually transform characters. You could twin that with breaking up the long periods of dialogue. For instance an old bully/rival who'm they mention in detail walks through, enters the scene, and has no effect causing them to laugh in realising how far they've already come. I'd personally make the interjections comedic if you're worried about keeping the reader invested.