THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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TROUBADOUR - EPISODE 4, "MERCHANTS OF THE SUN, PART 1"
By John Richard Sullivan
The crew of the City-Ship encounters a group of galaxy-trotting, wealthy autocrats and their massive casino ship, an encounter that ultimately leads them into peril.
SYNOPSIS:
Awakened from slumber, the crew of the City-Ship have their first encounter with another intelligent species -- the Merchants of the Sun, a group of galaxy-trotting, wealthy autocrats and their massive casino ship. Cultural and communication barriers between the two groups ensue, but a more sinister purpose for the encounter soon reveals itself. (Thumbnail picture by Angus McKie.)
TROUBADOUR - EPISODE 4, "MERCHANTS OF THE SUN, PART 1"
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Hey John Richard Sullivan, this looks interesting. I'm wondering if you could trim a little and add some specifics to the logline. Somethng like: Coming out of a cryonic state, the crew of the City-Ship under a (what makes the captain interesting? ) captain encounter a (what makes the species a threat?) species (that wants to what?).
Thanks for the feedback, Robin Gregory. I made some adjustments to the logline based on your suggestions, making it more in line with the synopsis. Loglines have always been a struggle for me. I think I prefer taglines instead. :-D Incidentally, the City-Ship does not have a captain. They don't have a command culture. It's kind of weird.