THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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THE LEVIATHAN
By Marcel Nault Jr.

GENRE: Thriller, Drama
LOGLINE:

In Albany, New York, a haggard detective comes out of seclusion to solve a mysterious murder which suggests all too familiar motives of a trauma that inhibited him for far too long.

SYNOPSIS:

Teaser…

Nightfall... A young woman’s disemboweled body is hanged in the foyer of an abandoned building – the derelict Stone Brewing Co. – in Colonie (Albany County). Some religious symbols are drawn in blood on the floor and on the right wall.

The first act…

36 hours later... At his apartment, Randall Shaw, who has been on hiatus for almost three years now, is visited by two detectives with the Albany Police Precinct. Enter Dets. Emma Markowicz and Barry Jenkins. They need his expertise on the murder of the as-of-yet unidentified woman found in Colonie. Randall refuses at first and argues a bit with the detectives, but they try to convince him of the importance of solving the murder. After some gnawing and hamming, he reluctantly accompanies them to the precinct for a reunion with his colleagues and higher-ups, and a briefing on the murder. They then head to Colonie, informed by some fellow officers at the crime scene. Entering the foyer of the brewery, Randall sees the victim’s body and flees the scene like a wild roadrunner. Emma senses that something is definitely amiss here and tries to comfort him. She reenters the foyer and alludes to what happened with Randall to Barry. An idea just popped in his mind. He snaps pictures of the crime scene with his phone. On their way back, Randall cycles through Barry’s pictures on his phone and discuss – more or less – their meaning with him and Emma. An argument ensues between them seeing as Randall is not cooperating fully. Nobody talks anymore. Randall, after slamming Barry’s rear car door shut, heads to his apartment complex. For him, it’s a metaphor for “opening old wounds” that he swore he’d never face again. Later in the evening, he instinctively calls his sister, confessing that he misses his ex-wife Sarah Lane, almost on the verge of tears. A watershed moment for him, because he realizes that the only way to move past these tribulations might be this murder. Without deliberation, he calls back at the precinct and demands a meeting with the higher-ups on the case the following day. Moments later, he goes for a run.

The second act…

During the next day or two, Randall gets back in the game. Slowly, but surely. We also get a closer look at Emma’s and Barry’s personal lives… and troubles. At the medical examiner’s lab, the detectives know a bit more about the first victim – identified as Jennifer Griffin – and the circumstances of her death. They focus their discussion on her, but also the religious symbols found at the crime scene. The subject is brought up because Randall seems, for a second, entranced by those symbols as he recites a verse from the Book of Job. Then, it just comes to him; an epiphany. He decides to return to the crime scene in Colonie. Emma and Barry are flabbergasted by the idea, but they follow along. At the precinct, we see a weird package on the receptionist’s desk, containing a Bible, a few pictures and articles with religious references.

The third act...

Barry and Emma question Randall's sudden "epiphany" as they reach their destination. Randall hurries to the brewery and goes on a rant about the significance behind the symbols. Barry confronts Randall; it's time to share with the class. Randall doesn't budge and a staring contest ensues between both of them. Before he implodes, Barry notices something odd about one of the windows, one that's tinted in red, as if something was above the windowpane. An old copy of SUNY's student journal: The Eastern Register. It's dated October 16th 2006. The headline reads "The Casualties of Kuwait: USMC Thrown Under the Bus". Emma also uncovers an old photo a USMC unit posing in front of a tank during Operation Desert Storm, in Kuwait City. Two hours later, they're at the precinct. Randall and Barry try to put their differneces aside and question themselves, along with Emma, as to why that murder occurred. That package might be the key to solve this murder. Not to mention that newspaper article and that photo. As they discuss this in length, as well as their personal lives to break the ice, Sgt. Mark Rosetti knocks at Emma's office. He says that they might have a lead on the victim's death: Crooked Tiger Club. A witness saw the victim nearby at Washington Park with another man. Barry damn well remembers the place. It might just be a coincidence though. Before he leaves Emma's office for the day, Rosetti has a tense exchange with Randall. Something definitely went down between them.

The fourth act...

The next day, Randall and co. decide to interrogate the senior bartender at the Crooked Tiger Club, Frank Mundziak A.K.A. "Frippy", and his co-worker Jason Knox the next day. They both know her considering she was a barmaid here not too long ago. Jason has an uneasy air about him, almost resentful towards her. Maybe Jennifer was an ex-girlfriend and more than just a co-worker? Exiting the bar, Randall and co., desperate, clueless, without any answers, are hitting a wall. Barry's phone rings. It's Deputy Chief Jeffrey Piacenza. They're needed back at the precinct as soon as possible. He shows them a CCTV recording obtained from a reliable source. More specifically, captured footage of Jennifer Griffin with a man at Washington Park. When the group sees who the man is, they can't believe it. It's none other than Terry McCormick, the CEO of Oracle Technologies. A suspect? What would he be doing with her? After discussing this ad nauseam, Barry and Emma take a moment for themselves to make sure that they're on the same wavelengths. Emma decides to clear her mind as she heads to the bathroom and breaks down in tears. She might've touched a nerve... Barry decides to get some coffee in the waiting room and watches the local news, in which the anchrors talk about the Colonie Murder. Some people are interviewed and give their thoughts on what happened the past few days. In the meantime, Piacenza takes Randall to his new office. They have a quick chat to make up for lost time. From out of nowhere, Randall receives a ghastly phone call... from the killer.

End scene.

Tasha Lewis

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Kevin Pike

you should write at a hint of a resolution does he make it or not?

Marcel Nault Jr.

I haven't thought about that Kevin, thanks.

Nate Rymer

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Stephanie Munch

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DeShawn Buckner

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Nathan Woodward

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Nathan Woodward

I feel like you can leave out the emotionally damaged part because the killings reflect his traumatic past. It's like putting the same information in twice, but I'd definitely watch this.

Shawn Colpitts

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Shawn Colpitts

I like it. Very compelling. I do not think it is too long at all. Any longer, and yeah, it would have been. Great job in my opinion. I'd watch.

Zachariah Rosalie

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Efrain Perez

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Leonardo Ramirez

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Leonardo Ramirez

Great logline!

Jenean McBrearty

As we are rating the log line and not the story, the log line is a bit long. It could use some editing, for example: After a murder in a small community, a detective is assigned to apprehend the killer whose MO suggests all too familiar motives of a childhood trauma that demands resolution, too.

The synopsis needs editing also, for example: In the hospital waiting room, Barry watches news reports that include speculations about the case; Randall receives a phone call from the killer.

Your version: It's nighttime. We see what's left of the derelict Stone Brewing Co., situated on the border of the Mohawk River, in Colonie (Albany County); a once-proud center of Albany's finest brewery back in the day. In the lobby area, shrouded in darkness except for a few rays of sunlight, one of the windows is peculiarly tainted in red. A young woman, unidentified as of yet, is hanged in the center, wearing a white nightgown, with her intestines ripped from her stomach and blood running down her knees. Below her suspended feet (and on the right wall adjacent to her), religious symbols are drawn in blood. The scene makes one's skin crawl.

Edited version: The body of an unidentified woman is found hanging in the foyer of a now-defunct brewery, dressed in a white nightgown, blood dripping from a disembowelment. Below her, religious symbols are drawn in blood.

Jenean McBrearty

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Marcel Nault Jr.

Jenean McBrearty I'll definitely take that into consideration. Thank you Jenean!

Ty Strange

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Sarah Kennedy

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Alana Gerdes

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Debbie Elicksen

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Debbie Elicksen

I will defer to the people here with the constructive and fantastic feedback. As far as the story is concerned, I'm in. I didn't even finish the first full sentence of the teaser and I would have added this to my Netflix or Prime list. It's the dark side in me, I guess.

Lenny Levy

I a;lways enjoy a murder mystery and this sounds like a good one. I agree with Jeanan that the synopsis may be a little too long.

Richard Lamb

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Richard Lamb

Certainly makes me want to know more.

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