Thanks for taking the time Tasha :)

Thanks Marcos - I have recently started pitching that.. it's very Canadian so I think that a Canadian Producer may be more apt to want to read it.

I like the first part of the logline, Wendy Appelbaum, but maybe explain what "IBS" is.

"a man is determined to host" doesn't sound active. Maybe use "a man tries" or "a man attempts" instead.

Another suggestion: Change "man" to a stronger/more exciting word and give the protagonist an adjective.

What are the stakes (what happens if he doesn't host his annual low-budget Christmas Show)?

Thanks Maurice - much appreciated

Thanks Nate !

Maurice Vaughan What about this - Despite his ongoing struggles with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a Christmas-obsessed man must persevere again the “natural forces” that threaten his ability to deliver on his annual low-budget Holiday Show.

Wendy that is a great revision!

Thanks so much Christine - much appreciated.

You had me at Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Thanks Stephen - your comment made me laugh :)

Sorry, Wendy Appelbaum. I didn't see your comment until tonight.

I don't remember your old logline, so I don't know if the revised logline is better or not, but I like that you put "Christmas-obsessed man" instead of just "man."

I have three suggestions/notes:

#1) Avoid "must" because it makes it sound like the main character is forced to do something. Maybe use "tries to," "attempts to," or "struggles to."

#2) I'm not sure what "his ability to deliver on his annual low-budget Holiday Show" means.

#3) I still think the logline needs stakes (what happens if he doesn't deliver on his annual low-budget Holiday Show?).

No worries - as always thanks so much for your constructive feedback.

I am pitching this and it still has the older logline but it will be adjusted going forward. Thanks again Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Wendy Appelbaum. This sounds like it's gonna be a funny movie. Hope the pitching goes great!

We shall see; it's actually a TV pilot and very "Canadian" so hoping at some point some Canadian producers find it worth following up on.

Thank you Jim Boston This is such a hard sell but I love it...

Wendy, you're very welcome!