This has a interesting Taken/ Liam Neeson feel to it once he knows who the person he is saving is revealed.

I like it. It's like taken meets the village

It sounds really interesting. I think the comments re why is she important are good. I also think you should choose a better word than "heaving".

Hi Nathaniel! Great hussel! Way to go!! Yes, very intriguing..!! :-) **** Keep on creating!! Rachel :-)

I like your concept! Just a couple comments - I heard that you shouldn't use names in a logline unless it is necessary. Also I would choose a more descriptive word than "important". Good luck!

As with screenplays themselves, the mantra is edit, edit, and edit again. Loglines are best in one succinct line and a maximum of 30words, much less if possible. In short, edit, edit, edit.

I think you could add a few more details on the crisis or the theme of the story, it sounds like a little under fleshed at the moment, I would suggest another draft.

Greetings Nathan, and Happy New Year! As others already pointed out, "important" is vague. Also, the "ticking clock", or "what's at stake" is missing. What does the cult want from her? What happens if she's not rescued?

When I read the logline, I have more of action than horror in mind. It's mostly because the specialist gets an entire sentence of how tough and determined he is. Maybe it is helpful in this regard to create more uncertainty, threat or danger. Also, the great conclusion of the replies so far: 'very important girl from the United Kingdom' is something that feels a little odd as a reader. Why is she important and why is it important that she's from the UK? Maybe it works, if you're more specific with Ava, summarise the specialist's characterisation to an adjective and expand on the kidnapping.

I hope it makes sense.

Best wishes

Julia Petrisor and so many others gave awesome comments, I think it sounds more like an action thriller. If ava would have kidnapped by Ghoul or jinn and somehow the blood drinker descendant of Dracula has no choice but save ava in order to save his cult, and ava's boyfriend thinks the blood drinker has kidnapped and he is after blood drinker and BD is reluctantly saving ava. Ghoul and jinns await the feisty night.

I agree with the comments above that refer to why exactly is the girl important and putting that before the girl's name, such as 'Senator's daughter Ava' for example and then delete the part that says 'very important girl from the United Kingdom'. Also 'clutch' I think should read the plural 'clutches' instead but then grammar has never been my strong point. Otherwise this reads fine. Hope that helps :)

This doesn't really sound a very original plotline, but it needs editing anyway - maybe something like: Ava, a VIP from the United Kingdom, is kidnapped by a cult group. The specialist who steps in will stop at nothing to rescue her from their dangerous clutch.

Nathaniel, I genuinely feel like there's a BUNCH of promise with this logline. I'd consider the following:

-Providing us with a more specific label of our protagonist. What kind of "specialist" is this guy, what does that mean, what else could be helpful to know about him trait-wise? Delving into these details will tell significantly more story because at the end of the day, so much of this story is what it is because of WHO our protagonist is. That's why we need to spell out of the core of this character in our logline (and is, incidentally, why I firmly believe it's a better idea to just leave any characters' name out of a logline...that name doesn't tell us anything about the character themselves). Incidentally:

-"Ava, (a) very important girl" doesn't really tell us enough about who that character is, either. What kind of girl is she? Is she a toddler? Is she a pee-wee soccer champion? Is she an heiress? Moreover, what it is that makes her 'very important'?

-We could identify the stakes a bit more here. The inciting incident is clear, and the obstacle is relatively clear, but we haven't identified the "or else", and THAT'S what's going to hook the audience in.

Loglines are a TRICKY tricky beast because there's so much that we need to highlight in the most engaging way possible in the tightest (max) two sentences possible. But! When we finally nail these things? That's what gets our projects sold. And yours 100% has the potential to do that.

As intriguing as this plot is, the logline has way too many adjectives and adverbs.

Maybe: "When Ava, the daughter of a British dignitary, is kidnapped by a dangerous cult, a cult specialist must step in to rescue her, stopping at nothing, even if that means battling the evil robed figures of the dark forest." Of course, I don' t know what the script's really about or any of the details but at least the concept is clear.

Actually you don't even need "When Ava." It could be "When the daughter of a British..."

A concise ;logline that hints a thrilling movie.

Can I poke at this one? A Wyoming woman must rescue her kidnapped daughter from a forest cult before the full moon sets and her daughter is sacrificed. might be better served as "When a Wyoming woman's daughter is kidnapped, she must rescue her before the members sacrifice her when the full moon sets." Just to give it some forward action and momentum. Would definitely read.

The Greenwood has an excellent logline: short and sweet word limit, sells the genre, protagonist and their stakes straight away; TAKEN meets THE LAST EXORCISM sort-of vibes - give your lead a likeable personality trait (e.g. ‘troubled’, ‘desperate’) and this is a solid A+ logline

Sounds perfect for the current folk horror revival.

I love interesting untried mystery/thrillers and this one definitely would catch my attention. I also like the fact that it features a mother and daughter. Well done.