Either put DAY or NIGHT, not times. You also need a title page, right? Get rid of the "CUT TO"s. Just go to the next slugline; that already means "CUT TO". If you must put a DISSOLVE TO in, use it sparingly. The action of the new scene should express how much time has passed. Always give the director as much flexibility as possible. You don't keep capitalizing your characters name. You only do this the first time they're introduced in the story (but always capitalize your characters when they speak.) These are fundamentals you should know already. Perhaps join a screenwriters' meet-up in your town. You need to takes care of these things before you ask another person to read it, especially if you want serious interest. Also do Twitter. There are tons of resources and reinforcement of basic rules given freely. Good luck!

Thanks! Yeah, I'm still learning, but I'm getting there! Thanks for all the info and tips.