Introduce Yourself : Award-Winning, Optioned Screenwriter... not produced. *le sigh* by Joe Friend

What else is there to say about Joe Friend that hasn't already been trotted out in tired advertorials via snarky pseudo-pop-cultural elitists cum mouthpieces for his one true adversary, El Pulpo Grande? I'm not sure... what I do know is the comparisons to Pol Pot are unfounded. I can also confirm he is a genius, but not in the way that "makes young co-ed librarians-in-training let their hair down to a wailing Van Halen guitar solo when he enters a room" as described in that obsequious Rolling Stone article guest written, coincidentally, by Oliver Stone - not wanting to relive the memory by having to read it again, I believe he described him as "Effulgent"... in any case: pure drek; let's stick with what we DO know. -Yes, he completely disappeared in front of a handful of guests at his bi-weekly arm-wrestling dinner parties... but no, he did not come back arm-in-arm with several supermodels; he came back with the ghost of Captain Lou Albano. -His live-action Jetsons screenplay was purchased by Michael Bay and placed into a vault... Bay's logic: “way too good." Bay intends to wait until James Woods is officially "too old" to be cast as George Jetson. -His undersea lair is nearly complete... I bowled there during his "muddy shoe" party. -He burned 6 square blocks of Chinatown to the ground because shark fin soup was being served. -Once, during a lawn party, Ban Ki-moon challenged him to a jet ski race from the back of the U.N. across the East River to the "Pepsi sign" on Long Island City and back... Joe totally lost. But enough factoids about a man whose career has included: pizza delivery man, midwifery, champion free diving, precision demolition, cat wrangling, and, of course, his favorite stints as body double, stunt double and decoy to Hollywood's elite. We shall, as they say, seize the moment and look forward to whatever it is he will be setting his sights on next - I, for one, am glad to have been tasked with penning his Stage32 introduction... ghostwritten, as it were, for we are really "just an amalgam of our shared experience" as Joe likes to say - then he stares off, into the setting sun, and maybe it's the ether and scotch, but I'm pretty sure we've already forgotten what we were talking about.