Trying to perfect the loglines here...so any help and/or advice would be appreciated. All of these projects are based on my novels or comic series. Star Mage "After discovering he's not human and the son of a fallen wizard king, an inexperienced young sorcerer is thrust into the middle of an alien civil war his father abandoned and forced to choose between his brother and his father's kingdom." Ancient Rising "A widower looking for meaning in his life joins forces with a discredited archaeologist and the Greek god Hermes in a race against a maniacal billionaire to find the mythical continent of Atlantis." Continuum Force "After discovering time travel through reverse engineering the wreckage of the Roswell UFO, a team of scientists and military embark to observe key moments in history but discover that Aliens are attempting to alter humanity's timeline." White Chapel "An FBI agent is enticed to become the progeny of a vampire who was brought to darkness by the elder vampire Jack the Ripper."
Screenwriting : Log Line Help? by J.C. De La Torre
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Ancient Rising caught my attention. It's like these aging baby boomer ensemble flicks that have become something of a genre (of flops), only yours has real hollywood-worthy premise behind it. That said, Maniacal Billionaire vs. a widower, an archeologist and Hermes is really two dimensional, in the sense that we can't even make a good guess as to what the emotional theme of the movie could be. All-human protagonists and antagonists, or human protagonists vs metaphysical antagonists, would be more streamlined in my mind. For instance, can you imagine if "Thor" was all about Thor helping Natalie Portman take down the Koch brothers? No, because there are intergalactic species on the pro- and antagonists sides since that's a fair fight. I also think that the title doesn't do justice for the potential fun the idea could be. As in UP + Indiana Jones + The Burbs How about The Sunks?
Continuum Force and Star Mage caught my attention. Those are movies I would like to see!
@Zach, If I added the word "recent" before widower would it help? The reason he's enticed by Hermes to go on this journey is because his wife and child were recently killed and he's at the low point of his life. Hermes promises all the answers to life, death and whatever else he needs if he agrees to find Atlantis and release the Gods from an Ancient curse. Hey, that would would probably be good to mention, right? LOL How about this - "A recent widower, enticed by the Greek God Hermes with answers to mysteries of life and death, joins forces with a discredited archaeologist in a race against a maniacal billionaire to find the mythical continent of Atlantis." @Amber, (blushing), thanks so much! Both are fun projects.
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Of course, I don't know if this works for your story without more details, but the log line for Star Mage might read better something like: "After discovering he's the son of a fallen alien wizard king, a young sorcerer is thrust into his father's civil war, forcing him to choose between his human brother and his father's kingdom."
His brother isn't human but I do like the line.
How's this for Star Mage - After discovering he's the son of a fallen alien wizard king, a young sorcerer is thrust into his late father's civil war, forcing him to choose between his rebel brother and his father's interstellar kingdom.
And here's an improvement on White Chapel - A vampire seeks to entice an FBI agent hunting him to become his progeny by revealing how he was turned to the night by Jack the Ripper.
I think those are great improvements for Star Mage.
Great stuff guys, thank so much! Lyse, I do think your Ancient Rising logline works much better. As for Continuum Force, the Scientists are in our present. Chris' summed it up pretty well. Wow this is so helpful, thank you!
Thanks Lyse! I like the direction you're going with Ancient Rising. Jason, building on what Lyse suggested, how about "A recent widower is promised the answers to life and death by the Greek god Hermes, but to pay the price he must first risk a dangerous voyage to Atlantis to find a prize that is out of reach of even the gods."
Jason, for Ancient Rising, it seems to me the heart is the guy looking for answers about his wife's death. Atlantis is the glitter, and the antagonists could be anything. So maybe something like, "In exchange for answers about the death of his wife, a man agrees to help the god Hermes find the one thing that can prevent the death of his fellow gods - the lost city of Atlantis!"
Nice, I like it Terry! Jay, good stuff too...I'm going to head back to the lab and see what I can come up with. Chris, great one for Star Mage. Gosh, you guys are so good. I should have asked this ages ago.