Screenwriting : Just practicing loglines by Eric Kinloch

How does he plan on taking revenge? Your logline has to tell us what makes your story unique. This just vaguely tells us what it's about, and it sounds like any other nerd gets revenge story.

appreciate the comments, I was just messing around to let the creative juices flow. I guess I'll let the wolf join real estate and somehow sell houses to the pigs years later

Bacon, Hamhawke, and Oinks lol. Anyway there will be no script for this. I just wanted to write a fun logline.

I'm doing this thing with a couple of friends on Twitter "#100pitchesbitches " we basically "pitch" ideas once a day with that hashtag attached. It's a fun way to get some ideas you never thought was in you. The real challenge is getting one done everyday.

Sounds like a great idea, I still don't have a twitter lol

You need to describe the wolf better. "So-called" tells us he is not big and bad, but is he timid, beleaguered, misunderstood, athsmatic, obsessed,or paranoid?

make it about a feminist fighting sexism. Keep the title.

I believe this is a set-up rather than a complete log line. Ask, "what is the action that is taking place?" Right now the action is "plans." So, this is describing a movie about him planning to take revenge rather than actually taking revenge (or trying to). One key thing that you could ad is, what are the stakes? If he takes revenge, what happens? If he doesn't, what happens? Also, consider removing anything after an "and" that is similar or less impactful. If he's bullied, is it important to know that he's humiliated? Which is more important? Keep working, you're off to a good start. You'll get there.

I think the children's moral story works against you. In the "Three Little Pigs", the big bad wolf is the antagonist. The pigs are the heroes (or, at least, the hard-working pig). I've read this logline four or five times now over the last two days, and the idea that the big bad wolf was the bullied victim doesn't work for me. The fact that he's taking revenge only plays into the suggestion that your protag is not someone I would want to follow.

Hey everyone, thanks for the comments. I used "So-called" for irony and trying to grasp a different perspective of the story. Yes, I agree that this logline is not complete because there was never a story behind it. The time scale would follow into the time period where we would know "The Three Little Pigs", you know after they got their houses. Making the wolf into a victim is something I can do but it will take time. Most antagonists are just misunderstood protagonists. With most origin stories, you see why and how the character turns out over time. Thanks everyone for commenting, it was just an exercise to get my imagination going.

Victim became bad? Where is good character - to associate with? You mad add innocent victim in his present vengeance.