Screenwriting : Logline help by Samuel Rodriguez

Hello Samuel, I think your logline is fine. You described the adjective of the main character well and this may turn out to be a fun idea that you're working on.

How about this? "An disabled songwriter must overcome the guilt of losing his fiancee and connect with his sick daughter. Soon, he finds the inspiration in her for his next big hit."

Hi Samuel, A generic template for a logline goes like this: protagonist +verb+antagonist+pursues a goal+high stakes if goal isn't achieved. A good logline, tells us who the protagonist is, what they are trying to acheive, who or what is standing in their way and what will happen if they fail. Loglines often have irony built into them, as this provides conflict and in the words of Syd Field, 'drama is conflict'. If you try and write the logline after you have written your screenplay, you may find that you have trouble getting the logline to work. This can mean the focus of your screenplay is not as strong or as clear as it should be. In the case of your logline, you have two ideas that aren't connected at the moment, a man who wants to connect with his daughter and wanting to write a hit. You need to find the core conflict and tie the two together. Hope this helps. Keep plugging away at it! Kind Regards, Eoin

Don't forget the "but" which Fiona cited. All protagonists must have obstacles to overcome, they could be external or internal. Hope this helps.

Thanks for the replies Eoin and Jorge and others. its very good advice. There's another element to the daughter but I am afraid that I might give too much away in revealing that. Anyway that being said I came up with this. 'When a hard working disabled songwriter learns that his daughter has developed a brain tumor. he must move on from the death of his fiancee and spend time with his daughter before its too late.' That's the main focus of my story but he also crafts a very a sweet song for her at the end, should I include the song part in my logline too or leave it out.

I like this new tag line so much better Samuel! It tugged at my heart. For me, I wouldn't need the song part in the log line. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hi Samuel, As Linda says, this logline is much better. You're now starting to hone in on the conflict and heart of your story. One suggest I might add, is that you make protaganist's finacees death, the reason that he and his daughter are apart. That implies a big obstacle for him to overcome. If you wanted to add even more conflict, you could consider that his daugther is the reason his fiance is dead and he is disabled (car crash, DUI etc). Just a thought. Keep exploring it. You're doing great so far :) Kind Regards, Eoin

Thanks for the feedback and the encouragement guys. I feel that this draft is stronger than my last draft. In my last draft, the story was all over the place but I fixed the major issue with it in this draft. You guys are welcome to read it, just shoot me a private message. I'm still kinda cautious of posting it on here.

I like that you put in disabled. It has a world of challenges with it alone. : )

One exercise I've used that I think improves is trying to boil it down to six words, to make sure the central concept has legs, then build up from there. ex) A hardworking Disabled songwriter learns that his daughter has developed a brain tumor. he must move on from the death of his fiancee and spend time with his daughter before its too late.' Possible Boil Down: Songwriter overcomes grief for dying daughter.

Thanks for the feedback Peter, I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Look, figuring out the logline is a great and important exercise, but the bigger question should always be - is this a movie? What makes this a movie? What is visual and compelling about the concept? A disabled musician must spend time with his dying daughter....Why do we want to pay to watch that? What is the EXTERNAL story? Where is the conflict other than coping with his emotions and fiancée issues? That's what isnt coming thru in the logline and its what makes this concept sound more like a book than movie. Film is about thinking visually even more than thinking emotionally.

Thank you, Danny. Great advice. Sometimes I get so conceded with making it short, I loose the reason I am making it. I need to check my loglines.