Hi, I'm developing a new long feature script idea and I would like your kind (or not) opinion regarding the logline. Thanks. "When old nightmares become reality, a holocaust survivor in her quest for exposing a secret and shocking reality will have to fight powerful forces trying to silence all involved." "When old nightmares become reality, a holocaust survivor in her quest for exposing a shocking and damaging secret will have to fight powerful forces trying to silence all involved."
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The concept sounds good but I'm not sure the logline works. The "have to fight a powerful force" doesn't really tell me anything. Loglines are not teasers, there is no reason to hide things or not say what they are really about. Hope this helps.
Following up on Erica. The logline components lack specificity. What, or who,is the powerful force? What's the shocking and damging secret? hope this helps...
There are tons of logline formulas. I use: WHEN, the inciting incident happens, A SPECIFIC PROTAG, your flawed lead, MUST, the objective, OR ELSE, the stakes. Try that, be specific, see what happens!
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the concept seems sound & interesting, however - to us - the logline seems a little vague. You have these "old nightmares", the "shocking and damaging secret" and a" powerful force" that's driving your character(s) to do something but we have no idea what it is? We like our loglines to have Character introduction, problem, solution proposal wrapped into one. Out of everything, loglines are probably the thing we hate writing most because it's just SO SHORT to encompass your entire work. It's probably the thing we struggle most with as well (if not for the writing, then definitely agreeing on one) Best of luck!
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Hello everybody, thanks for the great feedback, appreciated. I will be back...with a logline :)
When you come back with your new logline, post it, and keep working the thread until the logline is so good, it can't be beat up anymore. I did this with a few of my loglines. I wrote like 20 versions on the threads until S32 was like okay - it's a wrap.