Your Stage : The Opening of My New Screenplay by Alex Hunt

Congrats on finishing your first draft of another story. That's fantastic. I think you've got some issues with the 'SPIDERMAN' component, though.... I'll let more knowledgeable Creatives carry on this conversation...

Bruce, this is for a feature film. I never intended it to feel like a romcom, so it is interesting that you have read it this way, so that is definitely something I need to look at! I wanted to represent a strong young relationship within the film, a couple who have good chemistry with each other.

Thanks Shawn, I realise the comic might cause some troubles. It can be written out as any random comic but right now I just wanted to write something that I would love to see on the big screen and also capitalise on the success of geek culture. Do you think referencing Spider-Man would create too many legal problems down the line or would referencing it be passable?

I don't know, Alex. But I do know there are creatives on the site who do. I'll let them answer. Way to work the site!

Alex, yes, "Spiderman" is a copyrighted and owned property. You would have to get written permission for its use or you could be sued. Why not just make up some new comic book hero for your script? Make it your own. :)

Thanks Beth, I though that might be the case, however I have made it easier to rewrite the comic as something else entirely if need be. Do you know if just referencing the characters or the comic could be a problem? I've seen films like Clerks do it and always thought it was okay to do?

Alex, perhaps it's best to ask or confirm with a copyright or an entertainment lawyer. In a film like "Clerks," the producers more than likely sought permission from Marvel or Stan Lee or DC Comics or Disney or whomever legally owns those comic book properties/characters, because the producers of "Clerks" would be using those properties as part of their "product," their film—they would profit from their specific use in their movie. Perhaps they paid royalties or something to whomever owns the rights? I don't know? It all depends on HOW they used those properties. Look, painting Spiderman on your kid's or neighbor's wall is perfectly legal. However, when you attach something to a "product" of your own, using someone's copyrighted property and putting it "out there" as YOURS you are going to have a problem. Keep in mind, you are currently showing a property under your name on your web site that does not belong to you. Personally, I would tread very carefully. Ask a lawyer to be absolutely clear on where that line is drawn between "fair use" and "copyright infringement." Fair use: "In its most general sense, a fair use is any copying of copyrighted material done for a limited and “transformative” purpose, such as to comment upon, criticize, or parody a copyrighted work. Such uses can be done without permission from the copyright owner." Note it says "limited" or "transformative." Anyway, ask a lawyer!

Alex, personally, I have not seen "Clerks." Perhaps it is a parody? I looked at the trailer and some of it did not look "specific." However, you are being specific. So, again ask a lawyer to be sure. Spiderman is obviously a recognizable property, one who's protected by well-paid lawyers! Best to you!

Thank you for your help Beth, it is something I need to look further into. I did realise that it could be a problem when I first started writing and made sure that it could be swapped out without hurting the story, however if it can work I think it would work better within context. I've been doing some research into it and have found that referencing other work is not illegal. This is not an adaptation of the comic, however the comic is a macguffin within the film, and that itself might be a problem and where I will need a lawyer's opinion on its inclusion. The first five pages of my script do not include the comic and therefore are fine to show. Thank you for helping me out with this though, it's tricky knowing what you can and can't write about these days, the fact that this aspect stands out to yourself and other people helps let me know that it is something I should look further into! Out of curiosity, do you think that the writing itself in the opening was any good or is there something i could improve on?

Okay, Alex, I took a quick look at your first five pages and it is very much about Spiderman, Peter Parker, web-slinging, etc... ALL your characters are talking about him, arguing about him... He seems to be a driving force within the script. So that probably is a copyright issue should this go further: optioned, developed... With that, it's hard to understand what this story is REALLY about? The opening is two people talking/arguing/obsessing about Spiderman and other well-known superheroes, which (I'm sorry) isn't very interesting, simply because the reader (or audience) probably already knows all this stuff about Spiderman, etc, so therefore it is redundant, derivative. I understand the characters are comic book enthusiasts and that they share that in common, they're "geeks," but that's really about it. They seem rather one dimensional thus far. The flashback didn't add depth nor move the story forward. Plus, there isn't a sense of story or genre in those first five pages. Nor are there any hints towards a central driving question or goal—at the end of five pages the store owner just shows them "something cool." Nothing of consequence happens in those pages. It's very passive. Telling. So, perhaps reexamine your opening. Does it give a clear snapshot or idea of what's ahead? Does it setup the story and the characters in an engaging way? Anyway, I hope that helps. My comments are meant to be constructive. I do wish you the best with your script. :)

Thanks for your comments Beth. I was hoping that the opening informed the audience that the two characters had an easy going yet strong relationship, building them up before furthering the plot, which happens after the first five pages, the comic book owner shows them the book that they then plan to steal. This is what I put the opening out for though, it's difficult to get an idea as to how people interpret what you're writing (especially living in a part of the UK where there are no nearby writers groups!), so these criticisms have been a good eye opener as to some of things I need to revise and make stronger. Thank you for taking the time to read this excerpt of my script.

Oh good, I'm glad that helped! :) However, bare in mind I'm only looking at the first five pages without full knowledge of the script nor your creative intent—what you wish to achieve. So, just use what's beneficial or what makes sense to you. I will add, I did not get that they might steal the comic book. Not at all. Could be just me... But, with that, I say omit Spiderman. You don't need him. He's distracting. You could just create a comic book character and the notion that there's this rare comic book worth stealing. All that matters is how relevant that is inside the world of your story and to your characters. Also, see how you can be more immediate. Get into the story quicker. With your opener you spend precious space, and reader's patience, on trivial argument between characters. What would incite these two characters to steal a rare comic book? Who are they? What's happening in their world? Is their comic book store closing down? Anyway, perhaps seek out other scripts/films that are somewhat similar to your story. Perhaps read other heist stories. See how they are structured, setup. That may offer some insights for you. :)

I like that, Bruce. Well said, sir!

Also, Alex, there are many entertainment lawyers on Stage 32. You could utilize the "Connect" feature and search our membership by occupation/location, perhaps reach out to a lawyer and kindly ask to "pick their brain" on a quick question about use of Spiderman—in dialogue/reference and/or in image. Or on this past free November webinar "On Stage with RB," RB had entertainment lawyer, Jaia Thomas, as a guest and she and RB went over the following: • What is the burden of proof on the idea of someone who thinks that their idea was stolen? • What is the line between based on true events based on rights? • What happens when filmmakers want to use certain popular songs in their films. Perhaps within that conversation they touch on something that may help you. Their conversation starts around time 8:57. Here's the link: https://www.stage32.com/media/1301431357276169923. Jaia also has a Next Level Webinar about Script Protection & Idea Theft available on-demand. It can be found under "Education." And should anyone be interested, Regina Lee, taught a very insightful Next Level Class—it certainly helped me!—How To Hook Your Reader In The First 5 Pages. It too is available on-demand and can be found under "Education." And, just to throw at you... Have you ever seen the film "Galaxy Quest?" I know it's quite a reach, as far as being similar to your story, but what they do so fantastically in this film is create their own sci-fi TV series that obviously mimics Star Trek and its world, obsessed fans and sci-fi conventions. No direct mention of real life comic book or sci-fi characters. :) Anyhoo, I hope that all helps! Again, I wish you the best with your script. ;)

That's a good idea Beth and thanks for the link, I am checking it out now!