Finally trying to get back to writing after months off. Starting with a new short that I'll be uploading soon. Logline: Struggling between resentment and forgiveness, a teen is faced with the decision of meeting his birth-father for the first time not knowing he has already met him.
Your Stage : Working on a new short... by Mike Norman
Working on a new short...
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intriguing! sounds like it has a good hook :)
Just posted the draft to my page. Any feedback would be appreciated. It's a quick read.
Hello Mike I read it and the storytelling does not work. there wasn't enough conflict or any surprise(s). The flash forward scenes (3) is a structure problem (also in production when you shoot) and gives away the surprise. The Audience KNOWS the Adult is the Son's father. There is no one else in the story. I didn't read much conflict with the MC, the Kid. He seems to be well adjusted. The bike chain scene and throwing the football scene is the same idea. Back to back does not work, even worse with a flash forward. You have 3 difference ages of the Kid. I don't know how you would shoot that. (efxs? But that cost a lot to do it right. Benjamin Buttons efxs but reversed). The real conflict starts late- when the Kid turns 18 and gets a letter from his stepdad. That is the story. But then the story ends fast without any resolution or build-up. The story doesn't match the logline. Didn't read any resentment or forgiveness..or it came too late in the story and ended too quickly.