Screenwriting : Writing action by Christine Capone

Still as can be, he (rubs his chin) (scratches his head) [relating to how is he thinking or about what]... walks away.

Above better to use a descriptive word for how he walks... shuffles, skips, hops, saunters, strides...

I have read some that say never use then. Then again, I rather like if/then; when/then logic set ups. Personally, I do work to not use then.

.....contemplates his next move, then walks off.

Hey Christine, my biggest concern about a word in that sentence is not "then" - it's "thinking." How do you show "thinking" on screen? When you're describing action, be sure to think visually. So to Philip's point, what does your character do as he thinks? Direction is meant to direct the mind's eye, so draw our attention to character traits and actions. Hope that's helpful!

it depends on the action around the thinking.

Agree with Jason. "He stands there, teeth grinding and fists tight, then walks off."

You could use this style: “He stands in front of her. Thinks for a moment. Decides to walk away.” Logan script is written like that.

(chararacter name) looks out at the horizon, exhales, walks away.

"Then" as you've used it isn't too problematic, but it can often be omitted, giving the moment of action a little more life. To tweak your example: "He stands there thinking. Walks away." has more immediacy about it (although it's not that exciting a line of action, a touch basic.) It also makes it feel less novelistic.

And this leads me on to another point that has been touched on here. I would avoid internalising. Lines such as "he thinks" "he considers" "he wonders" "he feels" are the province of a novel, not a screenplay. You ideally want to be focusing on externalising such thoughts. Hope that's helped , Christine. Happy to talk further if you like. Feel free to message me.

Depending on context, “then” can indicate continuing action or a brief pause before continuing action. I see it used well here and there and don’t give it much thought. I have used it myself. But like everything in screenwriting always be judicious with your choices—even the little stuff. As far as “thinks/thinking,” it’s not very descriptive, rather generic. Try to choose verbs or phrases (he considers, ponders, tries to decipher, studies, takes it in) that offer more meaning or are more specific and lean more into the context of what’s happening or the character’s emotions, motives, needs, proclivities, personality, etc. Hope that helps!

As Alessandro suggests, something like "contemplates his next move" or "considers his choices" or "regretting what he's just done" etc. those ARE internal actions, BUT they evoke a picture in the mind of the reader. I can imagine what I see when you write that, much better than "he thinks."

However, there are better ways to phrase it that evoke the character's mental state, intentions and would even suggest to the actor how to perform it without actually telling him to 'raise his eyebrows' or 'wring his hands' or 'grit his teeth.'

For example (off the top of my head):

"He considers his next move. Uptown, his heart's just been broken.

Damn her.

He snuffs out his cigarette --

-- and heads downtown instead."

Obviously, that's more words than your original sentence, but hopefully, you can see the combination of action and intention that I've tried to convey by using emotionally and visually evocative language.

Hope that helps.

Hi Christine. I just read the script for Michael Clayton by Tony Gilroy; a terrific read. I'd recommend it. He might write something like this..."He stands for a moment, absorbing what he's just learned, then calmly walks away." He often tries to convey the inner character in action narrative. Can't overdo it, but I think needed sometimes.

Hi Everyone, this is all so helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment.

David that helps! My character receives some bad news that's going to financially affect him and I wrote, "He stands there for a moment, thinking, then angrily walks away". But the fact that you wrote "absorbing" really helps. Thanks!

Phil, how did you know my character smokes! haha. I love what you wrote. How he's feeling emotionally really helps.

Beth, that definitely helps! thank you!

I wish I could respond under each of your comments. I'm reading through them and do have questions/comments.

Hmmmm--yes--I hear what you're saying...

If you seem to use it a lot, like you said, then that's probably a part of your style of writing. Some people might break that up into two simple sentences. Here's an example from the script for Eighth Grade, which just won the Best Screenplay award from the Writer's Guild. Writer Bo Burnham does a little of both, and uses "and" instead of "then".

Kayla keeps walking. Stop. Takes out her iPhone and looks at it.

Other writers break it up, and some use the word as a coordinating conjunction that connects independent clauses. I personally try to break them up. I think it's more a matter of personal style.

I do agree with what Jason said about creating a visual for your phrase about your character thinking, though.

Best fortunes to you in your creative endeavors, Christine!

I was refering to "" How do you show "thinking" Owen. See what Jason and Bill said earlier in this thread.

Christine - learn to write tight, very tight; i.e. He stands, ponders, walks away. Every inch on the page is valuable story real estate, don't waste any. Dan is right - there is a cadence and every writer develops a unique style (mine is quite staccato) maybe yours is more fluid. It doesn't matter. Hint: use no adverbs (find a stronger verb) & only write what can be seen/filmed.

Another thing to consider is to vary how often one writes emotionally. As Phil pointed out up above, you can take your writing to the next level emotionally. But too many emotional cue points may annoy a Director who is considering your script because the script is upturning every stone and leaving little to the Director's Imagination. If you can add emotional descriptives throughout your script without stopping your progress, do it, but when finished, let the script sit for several days, then read it through, preferably on paper, and see if you over did it or not.

Pondering he hesitates... than walks away

You're overthinking this. "Geoffrey thinks to himself for a moment, before walking away." You have to come up with a descriptive, concise and visual way of conveying to the reader. In addition, do your best to not write things like, "We see." "We can hear." THE BEST WAY TO LEARN THIS is to read a bunch of scripts, especially ones that are movies that you would like to emulate. You want words, dialogue-driven violent pieces, Tarantino's the guy. But, whatever movies you enjoy, and you are doing your best to emulate, read those scripts. See what those writers are doing. GOD BLESS and STAY FRESH! ;)

All extremely valuable advice. Thank you! and yes Sam, I try and read scripts related to my genre. It definitely helps. I like to be as succinct as possible. That is my writing style. I'll def. read more of Tarantino's scripts. Thanks for the advice.

Christine Capone Ask ten screenwriters how to do something, and you'll get ten somewhat different pieces of advice lol. Short and impactful is best, but in the end, you have to find your style, your voice as a writer. Reading lots of great scripts will help you find it. :)

Haha Phil!! Very true.

I would write "After briefly standing still, he walks away." I try to keep the actions limited to what an audience would see. We can't see people thinking, but we can see their body language. Also, since action is assumed to be in chronological order, there's no need for the word "then."

Well A.S. Templeton, I went to Medford High, or as we called it "Meffa High" so....I think my grammar could use some work. haha! But I see your point. I also have to take out "clenches jaw" I used that a few times. Thanks!

make action active not passive.

Owen, at the left of the 'red enter sign' you have a a pictogram that says 'post a photo'.

About action writing, personally I learned a bit by reading the screenplay"The Bourne Identity". Read the part where Bourne takes out two policemen in Zurich (page 16-17). I do not suggest you should write action like that, but I thought the 'flow' was interesting.

So all the feedback was tremendously helpful and now thanks to you guys I have to rewrite parts of my script- thank you and for your post Christine Capone.

But I will leave you with this small portion of La La Land, which is so well written and "then" is used quite often... see for yourself.

"Mia and David walk down a street. A few open restaurants and bars, a few other closed storefronts. A lot of old, weathered buildings: 1930’s stucco, Art Deco signs.

Then -- David’s ears perk up. He hears something. MUSIC...He looks around. Doesn’t see the source. Heads to the end of the block, then sees, just up ahead, a few people entering a building. Seems to be where the music’s coming from... "

It is very tight writing and I apparently have a lot to learn.

So your telling me I have to get super successful before I can use "then" in my screen play- that's just not fair.

Who ever said it's fair?

No, James, of course not. Lol! Just use it well. Use it effectively. All writing tools and the entire structure and system of language (grammar) are available to anyone and everyone, no matter who you are. ;)

I am intrigued by the concept of "Emotional Writing". I see how it can be annoying to those in the Industry who may feel insulted that they are being told what emotion is going on, yet, it's also possible that the script reader who is reviewing a script may sort of zip through without fully understanding if the characters are understanding each other emotionally, or not.

That is an interesting point Alessandro Machi which is how does a writer show the reader what the emotional mindset of a character, especially with important emotional beats.

(Disclaimer: I know some of us already know all of this, but these notes might help some of our newbies.)

Alessandro, characters understanding each other emotionally is secondary (or less than secondary) in a screenplay. The most important element of a screenplay is the visual. In a way, a screenwriter tells a story through images and without mentioning emotions. That means we have to think through how we can express emotions through those images. That's sometimes easier said than done.

I also want to say something about reading scripts. I have only read a few because, when we find a screenwriter "breaking the rules," it becomes easier to justify the very things that will keep our scripts from the being the best they can be.

For me, watching the movie with commentaries by directors, actors, and producers have had more of impact than reading scripts. Writing a screenplay is part of producing a film. The more I understand about producing a film, the more equipped I am to write a script that is producible.

These are the basics that I follow when I write scripts:

1.) Definite structure--for me, the beat sheet works because I understand it. So, it's a good idea for each of us to choose whichever structure paradigm that best suits us. Remember, a construction company can't build a house without framing (structuring) it first--structure is vital in building something that lasts.

2.) Concise action with little description--one to two lines per action (three at the most). The important thing to remember is that the action lines guide the shots the cinematographer takes. This is the question we want to ask as we write action lines--what is the image the audience sees? Most descriptions should be brief, unless the descriptions directly impact the action.

By the way, inserting directions (such as "cut to") adds unnecessary clutter to a script . Most directors cinematographers are experienced enough to know how to handle the shots.

3.) Short and sweet dialogue--what characters say should support what they do or don't do. With few exceptions, I limit each dialogue to no more than 3 lines. (In my edits, I cut out most of the interjections that I tend to use.)

4.) Conflict, conflict, conflict--this doesn't have to be brutal conflict that ends up in a duel-to-the-death. It just has to be different perspectives that could or do cause trouble, whether big or little trouble.

This is some of what I've learned over the last five and half years of applying myself to learning the craft of screenwriting. I still haven't reached production yet, but I have a talent/literary agency considering representing me and I have two national actors attached as the leads of the first script in my franchise. I started in Ohio with no connections whatsoever with Hollywood. I'm still in Ohio and am going to press on seeking the people who will catch the vision of bringing good love stories to the big screen.

Emotion on the page is often communicated through subtext. And character emotion should translate or transcend to an audience's emotion—that's the whole point of storytelling, is it not? We experience things vicariously through characters. Really, the craft of screenwriting is about creating an emotional experience for your reader, and, hopefully, for an audience. You can follow whatever formula or "rules" or plot recipes you wish, sure, they are helpful and insightful, but unless you truly engage your reader both mentally and emotionally, get them to meet you halfway, entice them to want to know ‘what happens next,’ you're not going to captivate someone from the page. It's often the intangible quality of a screenplay that makes it stand out, that truly resonates with readers. It's that special something you can't quite put your finger on but yet we all know it when we see it and experience it. Perhaps it's voice, style, approach, talent, a great concept, or someone's specific handle on craft, their art of entertainment, etc, I dunno? So... my two cents, read as many scripts as you possibly can. It's all there. How to write great action. Study different approaches, styles, uses of setup and payoff, how it all works together as a whole, and what makes you keep turning pages. What makes you “see” the cinema in your mind’s eye. What works and what doesn't work. Superficial "rules" and ‘dos and don'ts’ and/or formulas are just a wee bit to consider. The rest is far more difficult and takes much time to develop—or so I have found! Lol! Best to you! :)

Thank you everyone. I'm going to read all the comments over the weekend. Some great info here!