Hello there. I've been doing some extensive re-writing of old projects recently. I've completed the newest drafts of two of my film projects titled "Old Man Fox" and "Necessary Arrangement". I'd greatly appreciate any ratings or opinions on how the loglines read. Thank you!
Your Stage : New Loglines by Kyle Climans
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Working on the same. I'm currently rewriting on of my earliest scripts and will be sending it to my readers for feedback before entering it into contests.I'll check your loglines when I can make time.
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Hi, Kyle. I left feedback commentary, just my two cents, under each of your posted loglines. Hope it helps!
Thank you very much, they both helped a lot. I appreciate you taking the time provide feedback!
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You’re welcome, Kyle! Happy to be of service. I wish you the best with your screenplays. They both sound promising! :)
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When people struggle with their loglines, it's usually because they state the premise/inciting incident that happens in the first ten minutes or so in the, but fail or have trouble in conveying the level of the stakes and struggles, and the purpose of the climax.
What are the stakes after the botched kidnapping? Evil dudes still pursuing her.
What are the struggles they have to overcome? A young woman and an old dude must fight them to prevent the kidnapping from being successful.
What is the climax? The final battle and survival.
An American college student flees into the desolate Canadian woods after (her father's enemies) (a band or criminals) botch her kidnapping, and fights their pursuits with the help of a reclusive old man.
I'd watch that.
I wouldnt' put "in order to survive." That should be understood.
Best fortunes to you in your creative endeavors, Kyle!
Both have been edited, thank you all for your advice!
I'm open to any more advice people are willing to give.