Over 3 months ago, I was admitted to the hospital. I was suffering from a deadly infection that took my whole body. Including my bodily functions, I did not have any more control. I lost my dignity. It was embarrassing & I didn't want anyone to see me in this condition.
I was dying, & I did not have the will to fight & survive. In fact, I said many times to just kill me, & relieve me from his horrible pain. Many doctors & nurses knew I was dying. I could read it their faces. I could actually see through their faces to their souls.
One morning after a couple weeks, a nurse, who looked like a character from the TV Show Mike & Molly. She looked like Mike's mother. She came in yelling you ain't dying on my watch. I hated her at the beginning, as she picked me up & started slapping me around. She would stay with me from night to day. She made sure I moved around & cleaned myself. She became my hero. Through her, I found my will. I was determined to survive no matter what.
Fuck his infection. I took in four tubes to drain it out, & a ton of antibiotics & other pills. No matter how much pain, I just screamed or did whatever I had to. This damn infection was not winning. Many times iI was 2 steps forwards & 5 back, but I could not give up.
A couple of days ago, they told me I was a miracle & getting discharged. I realized I had big challenges outside
I reflected back to when I was dying, I wanted to die, because, for the past 4 years my life was going downhill. I tried everything to stay positive, but both my charity, my life's purpose & my health were both dying slowly.
Presently I have to till June 1 019 to find another apartment or might find myself homeless.
I prayed to God, & asked him, what was my purpose to stay alive. I am so weak, I can't hardly do anything. Why did you keep me alive, only to face more challenges?
Yes I am 95% finished my book, but there seemed to be no interest.
A first I was facing the hospital challenges, now its the outside challenges. God, please give me some answers.
I will never forget all the love I have been sent by so many people. You will always be in my heart, please know I really mean this. I love you all thank you
Hang in there, George. Will put you in my prayers.
Thank you, Carolyn, I really appreciate it