Your Stage : Updated logline by Stephanie DeWitt

Forgive me, but that logline sounds deeply sad and depressing to the point, well, that it may not incite interest. Surely, there is some uplifting aspect? A goal? The goal of the protagonist is to survive, to overcome, yes?

Even the serious film Beautiful Boy based upon the true story and two books written by father and son about their years of struggle and experience with addiction, relapse, and recovery is inspiring, about the struggle not only to to survive but to thrive.

Perhaps reflect more of a narrative with a goal at the logline. Right now it only states mother dies of cancer, daughter loses her faith and wants to harm herself. No real sense of a narrative form, rather just a statement about really sad events. However, the story is in the daughter’s struggle, her recovery. That aspect needs to be in the logline. Hope that helps. ;)

Hey Stephanie! There are many formulas for loglines. Try: When the INCITING INCIDENT happens a A FLAWED LEAD, your hero, must, THE OBJECTIVE, or else, THE STAKES.... try this and see what u get

Thank you both. The problem I’m having is the varying advice, which is either I have too much information or not enough. So I’m unsure what to follow. The storyline is on my previous post for background of the story. She finds a journal her mom left her that basically helps her regain her faith in God. I will find a way to incorporate that.

Thank you! I appreciate all your info and advice. I would love to pick your brain since I’m just learning and you have vast knowledge about the process!

When death finds her mother, a young girl must hide her desire to rejoin her by looking to the cross.

Thank you, Jason! That’s a good one!

Rephrased: A grief-stricken 13-year-old girl devastated by death of her mother loses her faith in God and contemplates suicide.

Just as she becomes tall enough to reach the branches, the tree of life is full lemons for little Julie, torn between pulling her own roots from this earth, or watering the seeds her recently deceased mother has planted in her.

Thank you both! Jason - I would have never come up with that but I would like to keep when death finds her mother if that’s ok and allowed. I definitely have a way to go with wording but I’ll get there and I appreciate all the advice!

Jason - I’m also sure you could have taken that a different direction if you knew her name was Raine. The whole rain/storm/rainbow theme fits in here.

Well, I hope the use allows for a storm of cash to Raine down on you and your family! :) best - Jason

Hahahaha I laughed so hard at that. If it gets me somewhere, I will make sure you are rightly compensated. It’s not all about the money tho. M It’s getting to where I can have a career as a writer. The money is just a bonus.

It’s all good. No one else pays for my writing, why should you have to! LOL :)

Lol maybe we can collaborate on something down the road and see what happens!