When describing a room you can hint at the shots.
A large library. A man sits at a table. He is staring at a picture in a book.
A man stares at a picture in a book. He is sitting at a table in a large library.
These are poorly written examples. Do you have examples of this we should read? Any good scripts?
Rian Johnson is pretty good at this. From Looper:
Cream in the coffee. White clouds boil deep down.
If you watch the film that's exactly the shot. A CU of the coffee, the cream bubbling up.
I try not to, since I tend to write TOO much detail (I started writing novels before screenplays).
Hi Craig,
If you're talking about "scene description", I think there are certainly varying degrees regarding how writers accomplish that.
I read the Parasite script a couple weeks ago, and there really isn't much scene description. What is described, though, is significant items or parts of the sets.
I read the Two Popes script, too, and there is almost no scene description in it. The same with Jojo Rabbit. Dolomite has some throughout, but it's brief and doesn't prevent the story from continuing to move. Marriage Story and Knives Out seem to do the same.
Many of the great writers seem to minimize scene description, and use it to highlight significant items, to create mood/convey tone; to illuminate character; to set up irony and to foreshadow; and to keep the story moving.
Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Craig!
Stefano Pavone like you, as a novelist first, I tend to shy away from description in screenplays, using description as that, presenting the scene the way I see it, but not trying to be overly descriptive. I have, however, been encouraged to do more of it. I'm still trying to find my balance on that score. I am reaching for the best description I can find using novelist techniques, but still sometimes the most important thing for the director to know is that Joe did this, so that further along, the item is where it needs to be for Joe or Jane to pick it up from there and use it.
Bill Costantini you’re correct I used a wrong example.
But something like:
“Craig pulls a knife and crosses the room towards Bill.”
I think shows an intent to do harm. It is more menacing than.
‘Craig across the room towards Bill then pulls a knife”
This may imply that Craig didn’t decide on doing Bill harm until he reached him.
Novelists, it is hard to break the “wordy” habits.
"Estranged Mission"
Logline: "When a former agent learns of a planned terrorist attack on the US president-elect, he must stop the suicide-bomber – his own daughter. "
When Lia finds out who the man she's grown fond of -- who stopped her from killing the US president-elect --- really is...
INT. METROPOLITAN CORRECTIONAL CENTER - (MONTHS LATER)
Lia looks out her cell door window as a corrections officer opens her food slot and drops a letter in. Prisoners TALKING and SHOUTING ECHOS throughout the concrete walls.
INT. LIA’S CELL - CONTINUOUS
Lia wears a green prison jumpsuit, a cast on her wrist, not the beauty queen anymore.
She picks up the letter and reads the sender.
INSERT LETTER - Roy Hanna.
She looks confused and then is pulled away by the news coverage on the television outside her cell, where guards watch the top stories.
NEWSCASTER
Another beheading video has hit the
internet. The terrorist committing
the heinous act call themselves
ANTI. Allah's Native sons of True
Intelligence. They’re beheading
Yaser Shallah, a member of their
rival terrorist group, Hamas. We
warn you the images are disturbing.
INSERT INTERNET FOOTAGE - Yaser is on his knees, hands bound
behind his back. An ANTI member speaks in Arabic to the camera
while another stands behind Yasar with a sword.
BACK TO NEWSCASTER
NEWSCASTER (CONT’D)
The video is directed at Shafik
Shomali, a terrorist leader who
has gone into hiding, sources say,
after a failed attempt to
assassinate former politician and
now the newly elected president,
Kenneth Wilkes, at the Miss Earth
pageant months ago. The attack was
thwarted by a good samaritan who
wanted to remain nameless.
Lia turns away from the television and back to the letter.
She sits on her bed and opens the envelope; pulls out
a handwritten letter... Included is a photo.
INSERT PHOTO - Lia and Roy at an after-party in Palestine,
hugging and smiling.
She flips the photo over and there is a written note.
INSERT HANDWRITTEN NOTE - “Just a choice right now, between
fear and love. Your father, Roy.”
Out of all the writers I read who nailed describing a “Room” with panache yet minimum expletives was Paul Schrader with Travis Bickle’s seedy digs in Taxi Driver and a novel turned into multiple films, Charles Dickens describing Mrs Havisham’s room in Great Expectations.
We'll know what room it is by the slug line. However, if it's a slower moment in the story, you can add some flavor to the scene that matches the pace. If it's a fast action scene, then you would strip it down to the bare necessities.
A slow moment from Seven (1995) by Andrew Kevin WalkerINT. PUBLIC LIBRARY, MAIN LIBRARY -- LATE NIGHT
Somerset and GEORGE, 62, the night guard, enter the vast space of the deserted main library.
The lamps hanging from the ceiling give off a warm, pleasant glow over mahogany tables and chairs. To each side of this center area are tall bookshelves. Balconies surround the room on all four sides; three levels which overlook the center.
Somerset is happy. This is his element, this peaceful, elegant place. George motions to the long, empty tables.
Christopher Phillips I don’t remember the scene. But what I see is the following:
Establishing shot, wide showing two people entering the library. Possible from the balcony to give a sense of the size of the library.
Then a two shot showing the people and Somerset’s face. Then a side shot showing them walking and the balconies.
Those shots all informed by the order of the description.
Thank everyone.
This chat I think is a great. I felt compelled to post it after the other thread discussing “great” and its destructive impact.
We have all shown great work and thinking on a single facet of writing. What order to put sentences in to dictate the reader’s experience and visions in their minds.
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Craig D Griffiths Don't forget that what we see on the movie screen isn't necessarily what was written. Some libraries have guards, many don't. Not all have balconies. So, you have to write the "flavor" that you want, but at the end of the day they might use a completely different setting based on what is available.
Christopher Phillips When I wrote Hostage it was set in a closed Irish Bar in Boston. They going to shoot it in an abandon mechanic workshop in New Jersey.
Smashing a bottle into his knee become smashing his knee with a spammer.
But until someone else takes over any particular role it is all up to you.
Dishing out words in a particular order is exactly the same as the job an editor does ordering shots to get a feeling or mood.
For me it is an important part of my story telling. I go through and pick shot as the last thing I check.
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Movies are a visual medium - the library should be mentioned first
Dan MaxXx thank you. You can pick every single shot from that page. Close in on the alarm clock and the fact that we never see the person but learn so much about them.
This is also proof. That if you are good, nothing else matters.
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John, I think the point of the post's examples is to illustrate that if you mention the library first you're suggesting an establishing shot, but if you mention the page in the book first you're hinting that your intention is to start on the insert and then widen out to reveal where you are. Yes, film is a visual medium, but the scene header is also going to state "Library" so as far as the page goes the reader shouldn't be confused as to where you are. I do things like this in my writing all the time; suggesting shots without mentioning the camera. Especially with regard to reveals of people or things coming into the frame.