Screenwriting : Thoughts? by Christine Capone

Remember: If I can't see it, I can't film it. You have to show him getting a thought... A palm slap to the forehead, then dialog 'now I get it.' Then he bolts from the room. Basically it's action, dialog, action.

Thoughts and feelings are internal - we can't see them. You need to focus on actions.

Can I write "He stares out at the ocean then frowns. A thought suddenly enters his mind. He runs down the street."

I agree that "a thought occurs to him" is something an actor could play, but it can be played a dozen different ways, i.e., the thought could alarm them, fill them with dread, make them feel foolish, happy, excited, curious, etc. Bolting from the room just tells us they're in a hurry. Like Doug mentioned, hint at their state of mind first, e.g., do they smile, laugh, go slack-jawed before they run off? A little bit of context, without over-directing the actor, helps.

EX: (Character) leans back, sinking into her chair. A thought creeps in her head:

"I should have given Mark my chick-fil-A sandwich. He'll never go on a date with me now."

(Character)'s pondering face turns to dismay as she dashes toward the door.

OR

(Character) anxiously shifts in her seat, absent in thought. As the air grows thin, She jumps to her feet at the unsettling thoughts before promptly walking into the kitchen.

You can write it any way you fancy. It honestly just boils down to you're writing style.

:)

It depends on what you're trying to convey, and how you're trying to convey it. An "Aha" moment can often come across as forced or contrived, so it's best (IMHO) to accompany it with either action or dialog.

Tim headed out the door. He paused, his jaw clenching. He turned and retrieved his gun from the hall table.

Tim drew two columns on the chalkboard and labeled one PRO, the other CON.

Tim looked over at Earnest. The Basset hound stared back from his perch on the pillow at the end of the couch. TIM - I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I need to go back to work before I drive you insane,

Tim snapped his fingers, his eyes widened as the solution became clear.

You get the idea.

'He stared into space for a brief moment, took a sharp deep breath, then hurriedly left the room.' So you're showing that he had a moment of thought without actually saying it.

I would add action and the thought in the same line.

Craig rolls his eye as he remembers the ......

he looks at a poster on the wall, or item he is holding,

which brings on the thought or memory.

These are all very helpful. Thanks everyone!

Write it in a creative, entertaining way like you would for any moment in your script.

You do not have to over-describe nor be melodramatic (rolls eyes, slaps forehead) to create an image or give an actor plenty to work with. Writing style certainly plays a part, of course. Subtext, etc. The context of the scene informs, too.

Anyway, here are some quick, random examples of lines from scripts of characters realizing something, or thinking or feeling something:

Recognition punches Rose in the face.

Something sad stirs in Joe. He studies the binoculars for a moment, then sets them back on the shelf.

Realization slaps.

They stand frozen at the threshold, awestruck by the horrible scene in front of them.

Urgency mounts with each step.

As she talks, her whole demeanor changes. Relaxes. That brittle, self-conscious edge dissipates. Something profound is shifting.

She slowly blinks and lets her new reality ooze all over her.

Brooke backs out of the driveway. Abruptly hits the brakes. She looks back at her house with concern. Sits idle for a moment, ponders. Finally, shrugs it off.

Hope those examples help stir up some ideas for you, Christine. Good luck. ;)

Great info Beth, thank you!

Dan so basically the story sold the script and all the small details didn't matter much. I tend to focus so much on the smaller details and and maybe I shouldn't.

Damian. Dan M didn’t disagree with you. All he said was “a couple of unfilmable sentences won't make a difference” which is true. Nobody in their right mind would pass on a script because of something like that.

I usually just write what the thought is in the action, this way the reader knows whats going on and why it's important.

I agree with Peter Dowd. So much more interesting this way.

Do yourself a favor and read "Leathal Weapon". It's one of the best written screenplays written by a newcomer or oldcomer around. It reeked of Shane's style which broke the mold. From beginning to end it was an entertaining read. He gave personality to the narrative passages. He'd add little asides or comments that would be riveting. He made everybody realize they don't have to be dry in their writing because it's just directions.

Dan MaxXx did my eyes trick me. Did you speak in favour of unfilmables. Have I influenced you towards the dark side. I know I am far looser with my adherence to anything.

You’re right. Use them to inform performance. Actors know what the character they have built in their head would do.

How you holding up? My hermit like lifestyle is paying off. It is hard for people that need human interaction (which isn’t me as a rule)

Damian, actually, many of us here know Dan M as he’s been a member for years. I’ve given you warnings before. Both personal attacks and hijacking someone’s thread are not appreciated.

My apologies, Christine. :) Now let’s allow the thread to return to its topic. Thank you, guys.

Hi Christine, well, usually, movie characters do not have 'thoughts', as thoughts cannot be seen by the audience of the movie. Thoughts are more novelistic than cinematic. You can SHOW that he has had a thought and rushed out. It depends what he was doing prior to rushing out and in what context the scene happens. For example, an object or a view, or a person, or an encounter, or a call or a message can be the trigger for his thought and then rushing out. Basically, he sees something, or reads something, or meets somebody then abruptly stops whatever it is he was doing and rushes out - it will be sufficient to SHOW that something prompted him to think of something and then rush out.

...Rocco suddenly casts a thousand yard stare...

Well Dan you did get me to read Lethal Weapon since I do have some time on my hands : )

Right. I gotta jump in here.

Firstly, I just want to say, it's wonderful to see a few regular posters yanking up the e-brake and u-turning on this topic. I've been arguing (often alone) for years now that unfilmables aren't as bad as some make out, regularly citing highly acclaimed professional scripts that have used them and knowing full well it's never held me back on building a career. It's so vindicating to see this happen, especially when we had a similar topic about this only four months ago that made out using any form of unfilmable was the script equivalent of coughing Covid-19 directly into an industry member's eyes.

So do not worry Christine Capone. Some reasonably good examples have been provided and I feel you have your answer.

Secondly, the accuracy of historical truth in this industry, especially regarding high profile stories is paramount. People are trying to build careers and pursue their dreams. We cannot brush over inaccuracies or keep retelling legends in a form of Chinese whispers. It is important. Really important. I don't care if it takes a thread off topic. We've been told countless times they are free to "ebb and flow".

I 100% agree with the ethos of what the Dan MaxXx account advises and how they relate that to Shane Black's attitude to writing. I'm a strong advocate of owning the page and believe it's probably the most critical factor in being taken seriously as a professional. I also want to make clear I have a tremendous respect for a lot of the advice they often give, regardless of tone, and particularly in relation to new writers who are breaking in now. They are, in principal, correct in context of the topic at hand.

However, in this case, and is often the case regarding Shane Black, the anecdote isn't completely accurate and Damian Lloyd's version of events is also a lot less accurate on top of that. This is why aspiring screenwriters need to be so careful with taking forum comments or Wikipedia entries to heart.

The history of Shane Black first getting representation and selling "Lethal Weapon" is covered in Powerhouse: The Untold Story of Hollywood's Creative Artists Agency in a passage by David Greenblatt who was his agent at the time. If someone has a better source, please provide it.

To summarise what the book explains; Shane Black was strongly recommended to Greenblatt by his client Fred Dekker who described his friend Shane as the best writer he knew and thus Black was encouraged to walk into CAA and ask for a meeting. It's important to note this was during the period of CAA's rise as the top agency in the world and they were desperate for new talent. Black handed Greenblatt a copy of his spec "Shadow Company" which Greenblatt liked, knew he could get Black work from, and thus called him back asking to represent him, which Black jumped at and quickly led to a job offer from Fox. Black then came to Greenblatt shortly after with the first thirty pages of a new spec he was working on called "The Nice Guys" which caused Greenblatt to stop in his tracks reading and exclaim that it was the best writing he'd ever seen. Black, now in a state of obsession and exhaustion, unsure if he even wanted to finish it, came back two days later with another thirty pages and again after another two days with the full one-hundred-and-thirty page spec now titled "Lethal Weapon". Greenblatt read it on the spot and thought it was so good, he walked into Tony Ludwig's office, interrupting his call and demanding he read what he felt was the best script he'd ever read. By that afternoon, CAA secured seven offers to buy the script and a deal was struck with Warners the next day.

Also please note, there is a big different between Black's spec script and the production script used for the film which was re-written (uncredited) by Jeffery Boam.

As ever, the more detailed and accurate these retellings are, the more I feel they are inspiring. This is the reality of how things work. Black got in via recommendation, took feedback, and worked his ass off on a limb, really finding his trademark voice, and turning the opportunities he had into a history success story. This is why you can learn so much about how to move forward by studying the past.

Instead, think of ways to make the audience have that thought. Then have your character run off.

For me, it depends what the character is doing at that moment. You don't actually have to say he or she has a thought. Instead couch it in the background scenery, if you will, with something there twigging a memory or an idea in his mind that gives him a new direction to explore. It's one of the rare cases in writing where more words is actually better than fewer words.

If it's early in script then show it eg 'his eyes widen. He clicks his fingers and excitingly leaves the room, almost forgetting his jacket.' But if it's later in script, then just do it how you want or break the rules. Doing this once at a moment where there might not be any other better way to convey it wont break or kills your script chances. Especially if it is buried deeper in script when the reader is already hooked and you have shown that you know how to write a screenplay and use all the norms. As long as it makes sense as is logical and reader doesnt have to stop and re-read the part 4 times to get what your character is doing.