Screenwriting : Staying true to my voice without compromising readability and structure. by Quinn Butterfield

There are millions of words.

Is this your way of telling me that less is more?

I'd write the script your way, Quinn, then get some feedback and only then ponder what needs to change. The last thing the world needs is another cookie cutter script. Only you can provide your voice.

Thanks Eric, I appreciate the input. It’s difficult navigating all of the ‘How To’ and ‘Guideline’ sites and books and trying to figure out which pieces of info require strict adherence and which are personal opinion. Thanks for your thoughts.

We just finished a first draft of a half hour comedy pilot. We received feedback on it and now finishing thr second draft. It always best to finish a draft, get feedback then revise it rather than commence a sexond draft blindly.

For me, the first question I'd ask is what's the endgame? Do you want to produce this yourself? If so, format/structure mean very little. As long as your cast and crew can understand how to perform/shoot it, write it how you want. If you're trying to sell it, then yes, less is more - and following the industry standards becomes crucial. Yet, using words like "melt" will establish your "voice" within that structure.

As paradoxical as it is, I think a writer does step on everyone's toes and at the same time, it does not. Eg: "She wears a long blue dress" - That's for the costume designer. But for sure you don't need: "A last fall collection jacket, with shinny little yellow stripes that remind us of the bla bla...." Then the costumer designer will choose what the character is wearing anyhow. Maybe the blue jacket becomes a green shirt. In the end, the entirety of script is just a guide for the actors and filmmakers. So as far as stepping on toes I would say, keep the essence of screenwriting in mind: Only what camera sees and microphone records. (writing a line of dialog is fine, but a constant: "She screams due to frustration while remembering her childhood" - may be beyond your scope as a screenwriter)

If by simplifying your work, you mean being economical with words... I think that is important, yes. Because it is only a guideline.

As per your voice, I would say don't tuned it down. Being economical does not have to compromise your voice at all, I think. Like the example you gave of the Melt instead of sit, is a great example of how to have a voice being "economical". "Melt" instead of- "He sits and his body becomes attached to the chair, as if the sun itself was glueing him to the bla bla..." If you think it's absolutely crucial to write a sentence a bit in a more "novel fashion" , then do it. Still as economical as possible and not more than once or twice in the script and only if you you MUST write it like that.

What I'm trying to say is, screenplays are practical documents. A BIG cog in the film wheel. So it needs to respect some functions for the well to turn. But as long as it keeps the wheel turning, you can design it as you see fit. And your voice is something to cherish. (This was a long one, I have taught a lot about this and of course this is only my humble opinion)

I think the approach can be simplified, at least in my view. 1) Make your script as quick of a read as possible. 2) Remove anything that doesn't move the story forward, set mood, or enhance character. 3) Avoid anything cheezy, cutsie, or attempts at being overly clever. Beyond that, anything goes, and it's a good bet if you keep these things in mind, your voice and vision will come across just fine. JMHO

your point of view about Life will be subconsciously in your stories and characters.

The best screenwriters write simple plots & complex characters, with minimum words. Simple is genius.

And read stacks of screenplays. Stacks meaning 1000s. It’s all there for us to study and steal. Ever wonder how young Executives with 0 training become Experts, teach screenwriting webinars and blog? They read stacks of screenplays, develop their own shit detector/opinions of good and bad writing.

Since I am new to all of this I appreciate the input greatly. It seems that everyone agrees the line is far finer than I thought. I'm grappling with the romantic side and the business side of all of this and trying to find where the middle is. Thanks!

I haven't sold any scripts but have received notes after production companies gave me the read. In my opinion, you should write what is real to you. Then if you receive notes or feedback from professionals, take what you can bare to change and keep the rest. If you realize a pattern on one of the areas you couldn't bare to change, explain that area in your pitch. If it still doesn't fly, it may be something you'll need to give up.

Quinn. Congrats on getting to FADE OUT. Screenwriting is different than other forms of writing. They have a certain cadence to them that comes from writing economically. Overwritten screenplays make the reader work harder so if they have a lot of screenplays to read that night, they reader might look for reasons to pass on the script without reading the entire screenplay and give it the consideration it may warrant. I know that isn’t how things should work but it is a lot more common than a lot of screenwriters think. Anyway, here are a few tips for writing economically. They aren’t rules – just some suggestions you might find helpful.

Keep action lines to three lines or under and four at the very most.

Write only what we can see and avoid character’s thoughts. You should only write the physical manifestation of their emotions.

Keep a single event, shot or sequence within one description. Have the sentences that compose your description all related to one another then if the action changes you should start a new paragraph.

Don’t describe every detail in the scene. Avoid describing character’s every movement. Paint your scenes with broad strokes and let the reader’s imagination fill in the rest.

Make all your action immediate so eliminate words like "suddenly", "then", "begins to", "starts to", as” and just make the action happen without any sort of temporal qualifier. For example: "Suddenly, he runs off." becomes "He runs off." "She starts to climb" becomes "She climbs." Replace the "to be" verbs with an active verb or eliminate them entirely. For example, "She is in uniform" becomes "In uniform.” "It is dark outside" becomes “Dark, " etc.

Avoid words that can usually be eliminated such as “are”, “and”, “there”, “it is”, “it's”, “to go”, “to say”, “is”, “to be” and words ending in “ly” and “ing”.

In dialogue you can usually eliminate first words of dialogue such as "Well", "No", "Yes", "Of course", "I mean", etc. Eliminate words like "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" unless used for irony or emphasis.

Avoid having your character ask questions but when they do don’t have the other character answer if the audience will automatically assume what the answer would be.

Good luck with your screenplay.

Quinn, pretty much as Dan G wrote. If you'd like an example of 'writing tight', read my Our Time short script posted on my profile page.

Quinn:

Congratulations on completing your first draft and moving on to the rewrite stage. As many screenwriting books tell you, it's okay to spew out your first draft and get your ideas on paper. I assume you worked off an outline and thought about how scenes connected together. The rewrite phase provides the opportunity to edit the material that doesn't work and add things that shore the plot and structure. If something is not essential to conveying the story, whether it's too much dialogue or narrative, it's wise to get rid of it. I know many readers appreciate scripts with lots of white space and sharp conversational dialogue that avoids sounding clunky. While remaining true to your voice, it's a good idea to respect a page limit (generally no more than 120) and dense writing that slows down the reader. This is merely my opinion based on my experience. Best of luck with the rewrite.

FADE IN — I wish you the best: cheers and much success on your project.

I have been participating in classes in ScreenwritingU; one of the first things that is focused on is: Is it a marketable concept; i.e,, high concept? If it isn't then this is probably a learning script. Title is key and logline. If that can turn people on and they say "Wow I want to see that," You may have a marketable script. Feedback is so valuable. Have you post title and logline to see how people respond?

Thanks for that advice Dan Guardino and good question Quinn Butterfield.

Your voice will not be lost.

There are no two words in the English language that mean the same thing, they come close, but never the same thing. If your character melts into a chair, they melt into a chair (sounds like summer in Sydney).

The most important thing I have learned from reading a lot of scripts. The more clever you try and be, the worse you look. People don't want to see your writing, they want to see your movie. Don't use words that send people diving for a thesaurus. That will instantly break their connection to your work. They should never look away from your pages.

The structure your story takes is up to you. Start at the end, jump around, tell it backward. If it works it works. If it doesn't, well... you know the outcome.

Readability is something completely different. I am reading a script for someone. It is nearly unreadable. It is a collection of words that read all interesting and spooky but mean nothing from a film point of view. It would probably be a better novel. It is not a story to be told visually.

Lastly, if you are going to do something unusual. I am a big fan. Do it well and you will look like a master. Do it poorly and you'll look like a gymnast that face plants. Don't try the backflip till you know you can stick the landing (that is correct, I have no idea about gymnastics).

Your voice is the screenplay, without you the story would not have been written. Unfortunately, if you plan on submitting your work to someone else to possibly produce it, then they will ultimately pick your script apart anyway. Reason being is that you had a vision to write the script, when the Director and or Producer gets the script they will adjust your vision on paper to line up with their vision for filming the story. In many cases if it is a big Production company your script will get up to at least 5 revisions before the first frame is filmed. So, unless you plan on filming your own script you must be prepared to accept the changes the Production Company makes. When you submit your script you need to be able to sell it to a Production company and negotiate whatever you can up front concerning the creativity within your script and just walk away (this is a harsh but true reality), unless you negotiate with the company to be a part of the Script revisions. I learned this myself while writing my first Screen Play. I hope this helps.