Screenwriting : Scene help by Christine Capone

Make the hand-off late at night? So that everything's in shadow against the moonlight? (If you have to show what the hand-over is, then maybe do it by a single flashlight beam.)

Hi Eric, yes it occurs in the middle of the night. At first I had thick fog obscures their identities but yours sounds better. Thank you!

I've got some suggestions as I did study screenwriting for several years. At first read min 5 scripts written by famous screenwriters. Look the format, the writing style etc. Second, read poems, the short ones. My biggest advantage at least in my pov is that I'm a poetry writer first and then turned to screenwriting. It's very similiar. As less as possible, as much as necessary. We're painting with words. Never forget that. A poem expresses much with minimum. The shortest are the Japanese Haikus.

Hi Christina, I've read several hundred scripts but I can't think of one off the top of my head where it describes characters in this type of situation. If you know of one, please let me know : ) Thanks!

Eric I answered yours wrong. Yes everything is in the shadow against the moonlight. Can I describe it that way? Also, what do you mean by a single flashlight beam? thx

What about showing it from distance, through a long lens as if under surveillance? The dark night and restrictions of the lens would obscure both while being able to witness the handoff. Something like:

EXT. BAY - NIGHT - TELEPHOTO LENS

The moon is full and bright... A low fog drifts across the water...

Two boats rendevous a half-mile from shore, the hulls obscured by the fog... The engines are cut casting a sudden stillness...

Very little detail can be seen through the surveillance camera tracking them...

TWO SHADOWY FIGURES silhouetted against the moonlight pass a duffle bag from one boat to the other... Captured in a rapid set of STILL PHOTOS...

The engines are fired... The boats disappear into the night.

You get the idea. Good luck!

Stephen, this is brilliant. Thank you!

My pleasure, Christine. Glad it helps!

Thanks Dan, I'll check it out!

"Underpants man' is the descriptor of Walter White in the Breaking Bad pilot. Seemed to work out fine for Vince Gilligan.

Try Bird Box. There are boat scenes.

I just bought Hitchcock book Suspense with a camera. Different ideas are presented in the book using visuals. Check it out--- it might help. Michael Wiese Productions Good luck

My suggestion is to use narrative to describe the watercrafts and characters being obstructed from identification. A mist or fog, darkness, etc. As long as it's clear in the action lines, there shouldn't be a problem.

Could you show only a portion of the boat and your characters in silhouette?

Christine Capone Read Tony Gilroy's The Bourne Identity script. It's pretty much what you're trying to do.

Nick Assunto - Stage32 Script Services nailed it! Think and write visually - so that how you envision the shots in the film are reflected in your writing. You can write scene description that draws our mind's eye to what you want to show - such as "A pair of HANDS passes a PACKAGE to another pair of HANDS waiting to receive it."

Now in my mind I am seeing a two pairs of hands and a package in close up without you having to write it.

In scene description say, "faces and boat details not seen, obscured in the darkness of night. Angle on boat decks as characters pass an object between them. The item too is cloaked in darkness and all we see is its size and shape."

Thanks everyone!