Your Stage : Thoughts by Louis Tete

Louis Tete I have trouble with everything after the comma :). So, we would need to have some more concrete description of the threat and by having your protagonist hypochondriac try to hint this threat is real, not in her's head....also if she's alone stress that out at the beginning, it's important plot situation.

My Opinion - You could cut a few words out maybe -

Quarantined alone during worldwide pandemic, a hypochondriac soon realizes she's not as alone as she thought.

What’s the hook? As it reads now, it’s just another generic horror plot.

Here’s “1BR” horror movie marketing logline: “New to Los Angeles, a woman moves into a seemingly perfect apartment complex, and soon finds out that there are consequences for breaking the rules.”

Taglines: “the apartment from Hell”, “Get Out in an apartment complex.”

Dan MaxXx I have this issue with one of my loglines. The problem i have is that if i put any specifics in the logline, it would run the reveal in the story. What would you advise?

Neil Hunsdale Anna Klassen asked the same question and she got responses from professional writers.

https://twitter.com/AnnaJKlassen/status/1303475933278474243?s=20

Thanks for the info Dan MaxXx

Intriguing how tricky loglines can be. Yours uses "alone" two times. First as a problem that she's alone and the next time as a problem that she isn't alone. Fantastic.

Hey, Louis! So, my personal favorite approach when writing loglines is to stick with Aaron Sorkin's "formula" of sorts (which I attached below for you). It helps to keep everything focused while making sure that it's exACTly as specific as it needs to be.

Also! I don't know if you know about Stage 32's (FREE) "That's a Movie!" Logline Contest going on right now, but, I recommend it in a big way, and specifically if you're a person working on tweaking some existing loglines. Whatever logline(s) you submit, you'll have numerous eyes on it, including an exec who will read it live and suss out how effective it is &, correspondingly, whether or not "it's a movie". The best way to know whether or not a logline works is to keep testing it on any and everyone you can until you get an assertion like that. I hope this helps :)

Hi Louis. "Struggles" feels vague. Is it a physical or emotional struggle? It's good to give clear visuals so the reader can picture what's happening. I think the same goes for "unknown threat." And then what is the character's goal? What conflict must she overcome to attain that goal? If she being a hypochondriac is important to the story, I want to see how her hypochondria relates to the conflict and/or goal. I feel like what you have is more of a teaser, and it works great for that, but I think it needs a little more work as a logline. Otherwise, it does sound like a cool film premise - best of luck with the shoot and please keep yourself, crew, and cast healthy and well-fed!

A logline is going to allow us to imagine the entire story. So "unknown" needs to be known.

In my Loglines Treatments and Pitching Blue Book I suggest finding a photo for every word in your logline to make sure that it's something visual (it's a movie) and something that the reader can picture in their minds.

Thank you all for your thoughts, advices and support. Strongly appreciated. Gonna let those sink in and improve the shit out of it. The "unknown threat" is actually a creature using "doors" as gateways to her apartment. Neil Hunsdale , i wanted to go that way but i felt it was too vague, even more vague than mine lol. Angela Cristantello indeed, i heard about that contest :) and thanks for the formula. Wal Friman , interesting point, didn't think about it that way regarding the words "alone". William Martell i didn't want to clarify "the unknown" to keep some mystery but it's look like more confusing as many of you said, i'm gonna precise that point. Matthew J. Kaplan , she struggles physically and emotionally regarding the presence in her place and emotionally as well with her mom who's at hospital with lung cancer stage as she's getting worse and doesn't want to fight anymore.