Your Stage : Writing Powerful Scenes by Ahmed Jhamaal Glover

Ahmed Jhamaal Glover

Writing Powerful Scenes

Hey guys I put together a video for new and intermediate screenwriters looking to improve their scene wriiiting. Any feedback is appreciated.

Doug Nelson

My only comment, without going into details: It's weak. Of course, that's just my opinion.

Karen "Kay" Ross

It's a good start - and it sounds like you're addressing students, which means they have context previous to this video, correct? I can say that the first minute is hard to follow because we're listening to you talk and are looking for ways that what you're saying is coordinating with what we're seeing. Not to go "PowerPoint" on your video, but if you were to start with a slide that includes text that echoes what you're saying, it could help to keep those points in mind as you talk - character bios, beatsheet, sequences, etc. Rattling off the numbers for the cards is... a bit much without a visual to support it. Also, you may want to mention what software you're using, what mode you're using (notecard), and which writing mode you're in (beatsheet?) before launching into "What we're covering today" - which I'm gathering is "the purpose of the scene"? Maybe you could have a running tally of points off to the side? - purpose of the scene - conflict - action/strategy - power change etc, etc, etc. Also, I can tell you know your stuff, but I'm not sure I would phrase it as "positive/negative", but "victory or loss" by the end of a scene - one is a judgment and the other is an objective, observable action/consequence, and the audience can assess the positive or negative. Also, are you breaking down Inception or are you writing something new and using Inception as an example? By the end of the video, it sounds like you're "writing Inception" as an example, but that wasn't clear when you started. When you started, it sounded like you were going to write something original using the software. Even if you don't change the audio, definitely find a way to create more visuals to support what your audio is.

Where and who are you teaching?

Dan MaxXx

As a viewer, staring at a blank page on a computer screen is boring. I stopped watching after a minute.

Ahmed Jhamaal Glover

Karen "Kay" Ross Thank you for the feedback. I normally use paper 3x5 index cards but they don't work well for the video, so I used some online flashcard site. The beginning is just an explainer for the method. I'm using inception as an example and a breakdown.

I really appreciate the feedback.

I'll re-record the video to make it more understandable and shorten the intro. When I post it, I usually preface it with the fact I use 3x5 index cards. This was extremely helpful. Thank you!!!

Other topics in Your Stage:

register for stage 32 Register / Log In