I decided to write a more detailed bio for the class as my journey may be helpful.
I am from Minnesota, born and raised. Those are not my cows, but I am just far enough south of Minneapolis/St. Paul to be about a 5-minute drive from some cows.
I have a degree in screenwriting as well as one in advertising. Before the pandemic, I was an airport office worker. I was laid off, and a short time later, came down with a moderate case of COVID-19 in April. After recovering, I started working on my most promising work again after taking almost a year off of it to do research, a move that appears to have paid off. Early drafts were getting 60 out of 100 from WeScreenplay analysts and after a year of research, I was able to put out a draft that earned a consider (97 out of 100) from two WeScreenplay analysts after a series of notes and revisions.
I wanted as many professional opinions as cheaply as possible, so I came to Stage 32 and bought four 10 page reads from my target quadrant (women ages 25 and above), which were mostly favorable. I knew I had something when my Starmeter jumped from the 7 - 8 million range to the 700,000 - 800,000 range after those reads.
I then bought two full reads with 60-minute consults from two producers. The first producer loved it so much that what was supposed to be a notes meeting turned into a general. The second producer only had a few notes and said this could be a studio-level project and that I should try and get A-list talent interested in the lead. The day after the second meeting, the email about this class arrived.
I call the script Doing Business As. Its current logline is:
"In a community where piety and the patriarchy mean everything, a shy homemaker finds empowerment when she opens her small town's first male strip club."
What makes this story stand out is that it takes the successful formula of a woman finding herself solving a poroblem created by a man (think almost any Goldie Hawn movie) and adds a Magic Mike element (also a box office winner).
For those interested, I have a four-minute pitch with storyboards and a poster on my stage here:
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Hey Tom, thank you for story. I wish you all the best for the future and it sounds like you're getting somewhere and improve. It's inspiring to read that you can significantly improve an older concept. How long have you been working on Doing Business As, if I may ask?
Thank you! I started the first draft in early September of 2018, finishing it in early November 2018. I sent it out for coverage and was told the premise was good and the second act was good, but the begining and end needed work. I tried fixing the story just off specefic examples of problems and that resulted in a slightly better draft I finished in June of 2019.
It was then I realized I needed to find what famous screenwriter William Goldman refers to as “the spine” of the story. I needed to find out what women struggle with emotionally that men don’t, so I started listening to audiobooks on women’s pyschology while I worked at my local airport office. More importantly, I read biographies of women and feminist essays, and that’s when I realized two important things that men don’t deal with: women tend to feel ashamed for expressing sexual desires and for expressing anger. I started the third draft in June of 2020, making sure to include those feelings of shame and showing the protagonist overcomming them. That’s when I recived to considers. From there, it’s been tweaking the story. The darft I have posted here is number 5.
I know this is more than you asked for. Hopefully it’s helpful to you and our other classmates.
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Wow! it's great that your hard work is paying off, and that you are receiving so much praise. So, have you tried 'selling' it yet? I'm also interested to know, has your degree in screenwriting really helped you?
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I got cut off while I was trying to introduce myself the other night. I was born and brought up in London but live in Cyprus (a tiny island in the Med). I am an English teacher with a PhD in English literature. I have been writing for a long time - academic mostly - but started screenwriting four years ago and I've written four screenplays but had no thought or idea about selling them. Last year I decided to give 'selling 'it' a go with a true story about Ernest Hemingway. Currently, six producers are reading it. I don't know though... we'll see.
Hey Selma, I hope you only got cut off in the beginning and didn't miss anything else of the class. With your academic background in English literature, I suppose you have a broader view of the language. Does it help you a lot? And good luck with your project, Hemingway really was one of a kind.
Thanks! Interesting question about language - I have found that I have been pretty good at writing American style dialogue and British dialogue - I get the nuances. But I think any writer, whatever their academic, background, probably has a good ear and can pick up the subtleties of the language. On the other hand, too much acquired knowledge can be limiting - the more I think I know, the less I know!!!
I guess I chose the wrong studies in that sense. While I think I generally have a good notion for cultures and social dynamics, the languages I've learned are all dead: Greek and Latin. Can't properly write in those, can I?