Screenwriting : Loglines by Vanessa Chamberlain

Hi Vanessa Chamberlain

Like any part of the screenwriting craft, loglines take practice. A protagonist has a Goal, this is at stake, and here's the person standing in his/her way, which is the main conflict.

Vanessa- Loglines are a challenge. If you talk to someone who seems receptive (not too busy or self-centered), and they ask, "what do you do?"-- then I tell them I'm a screenwriter. With their curiosity aroused I try to describe something they can hook onto. For example, "a PhD student who studies rattlesnakes meets a woman who fears them." If this activates their attention, than I add, "she climbs cliffs but he fears them." If still interested, I say, "They trek to the Amazon where they encounter snakes and cliffs". Further, "they also encounter drug-smuggling guerrillas, a tribe of cannibals, and a deranged army officer." Maybe breaking up your story into several plot lines will help you distill it down to one sentence. You might give it a try.

Who

Dilemma

Action

Goal

Irony

Rising stakes

Thank you, guys. This is what I have, so far:

Twenty-five years after the death of her twin brother, a fragile woman with an emotionally unavailable mother relies heavily on her best friend and father for emotional support, but when her father dies and her best friend is nowhere to be found, she is left to face uncomfortable truths - alone.

Don't worry about your logline up front. It's a tool used in marketing your finished script - it's not a writing prompt/outline. Structure your story first. You have a woman (you'll show her fragility in the film) who wants something. Something/one stands in her way (conflict). Things go from bad to worse. She succeeds or fails but does she (the audience) understand what she/they need. Then write a logline that fits the story. So many new writers get trapped by the logline myth.

Vanessa- That's better. Doug have good advice. Might be a good idea to distill it some more using David's list.

Hi, Vanessa Chamberlain. How are you?

I like to write a logline before writing a script. Sometimes the logline helps me stay on track as I write.

I rewrite the logline as I develop a script, while I write the script, and after rewriting the script. Sometimes rewriting the logline during these three stages helps me think of new directions to take the script in.

Sometimes when I rewrite a logline, I realize there are words that can be omitted and the logline is easier to read or it sounds more intriguing.

Try this:

"An unstable woman must face uncomfortable truths after her father dies and her best friend disappears."

Hi Vanessa Chamberlain

I used Blake Synder's method from his book - "Save the Cat"

When an idolness woman becomes houselessness, she tries to reconnect with her best friend who bails out on her. Only to discover that her external relatives were fake, she must now face uncomfortable truths before (what is the major stake here – please add it).

Doug, thank you for your input. I have already won awards for this screenplay, so it is written. My current logline stinks, though, in my opinion and I recently changed it to what I put here in the comments. I feel it is too long.

Thank you, Adam. So no need to mention her mother, who is a big part of her problem, then? I like how you distilled it down! For some reason, I have a difficult time doing so.

How's this, David Santo and Adam Jestin, and everyone else who has responded to this thread?

A neurotic woman, unable to deal with her past, is forced to face uncomfortable truths when her father dies and her only friend disappears.

Another option, though very similar, could be:

A neurotic woman, unable to deal with her past, is confronted with uncomfortable truths after her father dies and her only friend disappears.

Being wordy can be solved by editing.

Having a great idea at the center of your story and a clean, clear storyline is the key.

The elements that you are going to use in your logline:

Protagonist.

Emotional Conflict.

Physical Conflict.

Deadline.

Stakes.

And, of course, that amazing idea at the center of the story. What makes this story unique but also universal. What makes this story unlike the other stories in the genre.

You want a logline that describes YOUR story and not any other story. So nothing generic, nothing vague. You want to create a very specific picture of your story in the reader of your logline's mind. So that they imagine the whole story from that logline.

A lead character needs to have a "franchise" - that is to say - what's their day job? Right now she's just a random human of earth. What does she do?

David Santo, She's an aspiring author and bookstore manager. Those don't seem interesting enough to grab people's attention, and the only one that really matters is the aspiring author label as she has a very specific reason to be writing the book she wants to write.

David Santo, when I try to add that to the logline, I come up with a much longer one (43 words to be exact):

Haunted by the death of her twin brother twenty-five years prior, a neurotic aspiring author struggles to write a book revealing her mother’s role in his death, but is forced to face uncomfortable truths when her father dies and her only friend disappears.

So far so good. Now we need somone specific who is opposing her search for these uncomfortable truths. somone or something we can shoot with a camera

Save The Cat by Blake Snyder

David Santo - she is not searching for the uncomfortable truths. She discovers them in the most uncomfortable way. She learns something about herself she is unwilling to accept - but eventually does.

As for a protagonist, her mother is a rotten woman who blames her for her brother's death and refuses to acknowledge her own roll in what happened on that fateful day.

David Santo, thank you so much for helping me with this and walking me through it. I appreciate your help more than I could ever possibly express.

Thank you, also to everyone else who has taken time out of their day and life to respond to my post. As an only child, it is VERY DIFFICULT for me to reach out for help. I'm so happy to have found this community!

Worked as a script analyst at Disney studios in the late 80's. I can nail just about any story down to 2 sentences max.. Many writers are unable to do this and it handicaps them when pitching a story. The first rule for writers to learn if they are laboring on screenplays. "Nobody reads in Hollywood." That's why producers and studios hire lowly paid "script analysts" to do the job for them. What is your story about?

She learns something about herself she is unwilling to accept - but eventually does.

* What is that? (that’s gonna be our theme)

She refuses to acknowledge her own role in what happened on that fateful day.

* What fateful day? What happened?

Loglines need clarity of purpose. We’re better off over-writing at this point. Then we’ll pull back later if we need to.

David Santo, I've messaged you, privately. I hope you don't mind.

Hi Vanessa,

I think there are two important elements of loglines. The first is, of course, concisely conveying the story in an appealing way, and that someone might even "see in their head" in some way when reading it. The second, though, is to ideally and clearly present a story that we haven't heard before. That's like the Daily Double of Loglines for New Stories.

That second element is really important when presenting loglines to industry insiders who have heard and have read thousands and thousands of loglines - which, of course, means that the story itself is a story that they haven't heard before. Because that's what (most) people want: stories that they haven't heard before.

Your story is one of those, and now you just have to get in the right zone of understanding/writing loglines, and bake it in that easy-to-make logline recipe as stated above by others. You might also want to make it an exercise by reading the loglines on your cable directory (or on IMDB), and see how well (or not-so-well) they accomplish that. Spend a good amount of time at that, if you can, because it can be very helpful.

Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Vanessa!

I know a PR person that talks of a famous letter (My memory is failing on this). The opening line was.

“Sorry for writing you a long letter, I didn’t have time to write a short one”.

Loglines are hard because you need to make your story unique without making it confusing.

I am pretty good. Drop me a line and I send you a book.