So, in writing loglines, I try to keep them to a sentence. I also try to cram as much story, character arc, and twists into them, which, from a note I was just given, makes them too long.
What do others find effective? Just basic this person does this? Giving color and hooks and not worrying about length? Breaking it into two sentences?
Discuss. Thanks.
1 person likes this
DM me. I have something I can send you.
I believe it should be the most concise version of the story with all the fluffy cut away.
A man heads towards certain death during an alien invasion to see his child one last time.
Vs.
An divorced alcoholic fights through hundreds of people, the army and a black ops attack to escape the aliens that are hell bent on destroying earth for it’s resources, but he discovers that he may hold the key to saving humanity.
Just me, but I prefer the first. It is the heart of the story.
Harry, I've learned not only to use just one sentence for a logline...but also, thanks to hooking onto Script Revolution, keep my loglines at 35 words or fewer.
Something like:
1. Two modern-day University of Minnesota-Twin Cities students start their own sorority in order to reach out to other female UMN-Twin Cities students tired of being marginalized.
2. A talented collegian in search of a vaudeville career in 1924 Detroit must get past her adopting family: A cagey theatrical agent and her three showbiz-minded biological daughters.
3. Angry over years of racist slights, five neighboring families in present-day San Diego stage a drug-style intervention on the perpetrators...and hope to teach them the value of unity.
Well...that's enough of that.
Harry, I wish you all the VERY BEST...and I'm glad you're here on Stage 32!
1 person likes this
There is a French novel my brother gave me. He loves it (the name escapes me). The opening sentence is the entire paragraph, about 400 words. One sentence, hard to read and impossible to enjoy. I closed book the and never went back. Yet again a rule that is arbitrary and possible only known by us amateurs.
Short, compelling, informative and well written. With as many “.” as needed.
I focus on making it as compelling as possible even if it takes 2 - 3 sentences.
2 people like this
As a copywriter, I totally believe in the adage that in Mark Twain's quote - "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter." It takes hard work and time to get the point across in 30 words or less. Writing a compound sentence to fit within the "one sentence" rule for loglines is no better than writing a 20 sentence logline.
Take the time to work on making an effective logline in 30 words or less.