Screenwriting : Forget the Loglines! by Rachel Ochsen

First Lines:

Stillness, underneath a frozen lake- Fjord Reves-

Slowly...

-a pickup truck SHATTERS, PLUNGES through its ice. Sinking.

Last Lines:

Francois (V.O.) "Mon Mattie..."

FADE TO BLACK.

Francois (V.O.) "...I do not know."

Never thought about first & last lines only - I generally start writing first & last scene. Interesting idea. I'll give a try.

First (action) line: Traffic seeds by, an air horn SCREAMS, a large roadside cardboard box shudders, rolls down the embankment into the weeds.

Last line, (dialog): Together we can make the magic that brings any wish true.

From my current WIP, an animated fantasy feature:

FIRST LINES:

OVER BLACK -- an orchestrated “ta-dahh!”, followed by rousing

applause--

MANUEL (O.S.)

--yes, yes, thank you!

An old silent IRIS IN reveals --

THE OVERJOYED, WONDROUS FACE OF SANTIAGO (6) --

--as he gazes, from the wings, upon the brightly-lit stage. Delicate hands snugly hold his shoulders as he and his not-yet-seen mother, PALOMA watch--

FINAL LINES:

INT. STAGE - THEATER - NIGHT

The audience stares agape with anticipation for Santiago’s *

return. Maria has the stopwatch in hand--

The door bursts opens. A winded Santiago steps through, arms out in presentation.

As the audience rise to their feet with exuberant joy-- *

--the overjoyed wonder that once filled six year old Santiago has returned.

As he takes his bow, we--

CUT TO BLACK:

A beautifully orchestrated “TA-DAHH!” accompanies, as a title card slowly fades in--

“MAGICIAN & SON”

I hate log-lines and plot synopsis. Not only does it ruin the film but it never actually represents what you are about to view. I’ve read some FANTASTIC log-lines before only to be severely disappointed by a terrible film.

Since it says lines, plural, I'm including the first and last paragraphs.

First:

The sun rises on the pumps and mini-market of a gas

station by a long stretch of desert road. Above metal

shutters, a sign reads, “CASPER’S FUEL MART.”

Last:

After a long moment, the hatch opens and Penny climbs

out, her shotgun slung over her shoulder. She approaches

him. They face each other. Neither says anything.

0PENING

Graphic- ‘Nothing is a more desperate deed than running in the night with long horns … all as mad as the thunder and lightning above.’ - Frederic Remington

ENDING

Down the coast we hear the lonely swoon of a distant loon & out on the water, the ruffle & snap of a canvas sail.

Then the phone rings. ..

FADE IN:

THE END

The Valley

The cold overcast sky paints the FOREST in blue and grey tones.

The station wagon disappears down the road as the sign continues to burn.

AMY

AMY late teens maybe twenty, thin, short dark pixie hair, white t-shirt and jeans is slumped in her chair completely uninterested in what the cop sitting opposite is saying.

He drops down beside Amy pressing on the wound in her chest, he grabs is radio, his voice fades into indistinct mumbling.

DRUG KING

Inside a vast derelict warehouse DOM and NICK lean against Nick’s Honda Accord which has just enough bling to say “money” and “thug” at the same time.

SEAN: We need a plan B.

LOVE, MONEY, BOMBS

Sitting at a small dining table in a kitchen end of an austere boring living area is NEWTON (30) thin, white, male, dressed in a drab grey shirt and pants.

HOLLY: That poor man.

ABFD

In slow motion we see a man from the side running, we track along side as bullets rip into things all around him.

Peter gets out of his car and walks slowly towards the house.

——-

This was fun. An opening paragraph would have been more telling.

Ali Joumaa Agreed but remember that log lines aren't meant to be seen by the public. They're for producers.