Screenwriting : Logline help by Tony Byrd

Tony Byrd Loglines must feel more compelling. The one you have doesn't want me to drop everything and go watch this film.

"Introduce the set-up first, then the protagonist and his goal, and the antagonistic force"

berkley a toy manufacturer while tinkering with a new drone soldier is terrorized within there compound as they struggle investigating why their employees keep disappearing

Who is the protagonist? The toymaker or the toys?

The toymaker

This is toy story with a dark twist. I feel like it needs something significant in the logline to truly grab

This sounds like the movie "Small Soldiers".

Suggested logline: "A group of talking toys, abandoned by their owner, come to life and seek revenge against him for leaving them behind."

we cant sleep on childs play either lol instant classic - a talking toy comes to life by an toymaker and goes after its owner who leaves them for dead.

Is your audience going to be mostly adults or kids?

It's for adults.

Hi there, Tony! When I'm writing a logline, I find two things in particular super helpful to bear in mind:

A) Keep it to two sentences max (you're obviously fine here already), but make sure that your language is crystal clear AND hyper-engaging. ...Tall order, I know.

B) Bear in mind the following formula:

"When a (protagonist) + (inciting incident) + they must (obstacle) + or else (stakes)."

This is a good start, though!

What should I do?

What makes them come to life? Why are they attacking the toy maker? If they only come to life in order to attack the toy maker, why would he "leave them for dead" if they weren't alive to begin with? I think it would be good to answer these questions with your logline.