Hi all,
I'm writing a query to find management for my screenplays. I would lov to hear your thoughts on this query email/ Thanks in advance!!
Hi ,
I hope your day is going well. I am the author of eleven novels and am now focusing on screenwriting, having completed five screenplays. I studied comedy at The Second City under Kay Cannon (Pitch Perfect, Cinderella) and Joe Kelly (How I Met Your Mother). I’ve written a dark romantic comedy called The Problem with Plums that I think would be a good fit for (agency name)
The family that kills each other loves each other. Or so thought Gerald Hawkins until he met the free-spirited Heather who makes him wonder if this strange family tradition might not be as genuine as he’d been led to believe.
Think The Royal Tenenbaums meets Knives Out (minus the who-done-it and plus a quirky romance).
I would love for you to consider representing me.
Thank you much for your time and consideration.
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Hi Thom, First of all, best of luck! I would suggest starting with your first sentence as you have it but then jumping right into the meat of the query. After that you can add your bio stuff. You want to make sure they immediately see why are writing...if they can't quickly find your pitch they may stop reading before they get to it.
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Query 1 script at a time.
Subject line: Title, genre.
Body: Logline. Maybe a brief personal greeting that shows you know who the person is. Brief bio that is the logline on you.
Everyone is busy - so give them the important information and then get out of there.
All of those other scripts? Send them a query every month for a different screenplay. If every month they read an amazing mind blowing logline from you? They are going to ask to read a script.
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Why would you mention Knives Out and follow up with an apology (... minus the who dun it and romance).
Query is too long and reads too desperate, imo. I think the logline has a sentence tense error (“met” should be “meets”).
I would delete the first sentence and begin, “I studied comedy..”. and write a logline that is funny to read.
Delete, “I would love for you to consider...” You dont know this rep at all. You are the talent. They need you.
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Thanks for the great feedback, everyone. I'll rework this query. I really appreciate it.
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Hi, Thom Reese. I would redo the logline.
I would put "I’ve written a dark romantic comedy called The Problem with Plums that I think would be a good fit for (agency name)" on a separate line and follow it up with the logline.
I would put "I studied comedy at The Second City under Kay Cannon (Pitch Perfect, Cinderella) and Joe Kelly (How I Met Your Mother)" and any other parts of your bio after the pitch.
Maybe add the script's tagline (if there is one).
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What William Martell said. Brevity is your friend. If it takes more than 60-70 seconds to read the entire query, it's too long.
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Hey Thom Reese - in the Writers' Room I gave the members a sample query letter that I wrote which has been pretty effective. It is just for Writers' Room members so if you want me to send you a copy email j.mirch@stage32.com
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Good advice William Martell.
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Thanks, All. great feedback. Jason, I'll be rejoining the Writer's Room shortly. I dropped out for a while while I was focusing on health issues.
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Work on the logline. Only use action verbs in them. Good luck!~
avoid saying how is your day going - get straight to the point: "Dear Agent, my name is X. I am writer submitting for you consideration the rom-com X."... agents etc read hundreds of queries. don't waste their time. go for the jugular and get out. Just the facts, ma'am.