Introduce Yourself : Bad Words by Ahad Rafee

Ahad Rafee

Bad Words

A short film script I wrote and looking for some consultancy

Christiane Lange

Yes, as Colette "ByFilms" Byfield says, you need to fix the format. You also need to fix the grammar, and write all action in the present tense.

Gaby Chartier

This is a joke right? XD

Karen "Kay" Ross

Is this all there is to the short film, in this photo? You have it in a PDF, you could ask in the Screenwriting Lounge to see if anyone would be willing to give you some additional feedback: https://www.stage32.com/lounge/screenwriting

Also, I would agree with the above notes - definitely fix the format and be sure that your verbs are active. What is in the picture seems more like the twist at the end of a scene, not the entire scene. Consider showing us the entire robbery and who this "guy" is (and why he is the least likely to foil the robbery), and maybe find some other way to foil it than shooting - it's a bit simple.

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