Greetings all! I’ve been trying to rework a logline in another forum, and I keep getting conflicting feedback. I’m sure it equates to personal tastes, but I’ve had some who insisted I add a great deal of specific elements, then when I do others say it’s way too much. Can’t seem to find that magical happy medium.
Here’s what I seem to like best at the moment - wondering how folks here feel about it:
Title: James and Peter
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Logline: When James, the devoted caretaker of lost boys on a magical island, is forced to leave, he struggles with his personal values in order to defeat the unhinged protégé who banished him… Peter Pan.
Thanks all!
You don't have to mention his name. I would have seen it in two sentences instead of one real long one. My agent usually writes mine, so I am not an expert at this sort of thing, but here is how I would probably write it, starting off with where it takes place. If it was me I probably would have written something like, On a magical island a devoted caretaker of lost boys is forced to leave. He struggles with his personal values to defeat the unhinged protégé who banished him.
Would also pitch it on www.logline.it
How does this story fit into the Peter Pan universe? Is it some character's origin story, for example? If a script is based on pre-existing IP then it's my understanding that can be attractive to producers. So it may be worth clarifying in the logline.