Screenwriting : Any Logline specialists here? by Linda Gudrunar

A logline is a single sentence description of your story that is usually 40 - 60 words. But shorter is better. It contains --

Who

Dilemma

Action

Goal

Villain

(add irony if you can)

Here's an example from one of my scripts.

A spunky Indian teenager builds a peace sanctuary between two feuding families, her own Indian family and her boyfriend's Pakistani family next door to encourage cooperation between them, but her dreams for peace get foiled by the boyfriend's surly father.

(And no secrets or open-ended innuendo. Industry execs need clear goals and results to be interested).

A naive young white African trapped in a war zone ​tries to escape a self-destructive kidnapper.

Might need more.

Phrases like "self destructive element" and "forces her into trouble" are vague.

"She cannot be saved and she cannot be trusted" sounds a bit breathless, your challenge is to dramatize these story elements and then once again reduce the story to logline elements that increase the pressure and urgency within the story concept.

In logline we don't generally add character names and ages, preferring a generalized description?

Overall I would like to see more specific stakes in the logline, or a teasing implication of more significant, specific story material and twists.

("not knowing that her captor is the daughter of a powerful warlord at odds with Western political leaders ..." or something that lies beneath ...)

Sometimes it's helpful to write the entire story that you want to write, and then re-invent the logline based on what's actually on the page.

If it's not written yet, it's helpful to have a fully-crafted logline that grabs you and drives you forward.

I agree with Dave over irony...watch "Machine gun preacher" might be close to your subject...the main guy's basically a scumbag who's reformed finding god only to turnback to killer, now defending hopeless children in the mist of African country civil war...so, lotta irony in there...

Thanks guys, very helpful :)

Here's the logline formula I use in my Screenwriting Adventure class, which indicates the protagonist, the initiating action and the ensuing plot, the theme of the story and character journey. These should combine in a way that makes it clear who the story is about, what the challenge is and what the stakes are. Ideally it also readily conveys the genre. It builds on defining all of these elements of your story first.

Here is a more simple version which may also help :)

Thank you for sharing Gregg. I appreciate it!

Funny you should ask. I wrote a book about creating loglines. Message me and I’ll send you a link for a free copy.

A young white girl in Africa is kidnapped and tries to convince her kidnapper a another young to escape with her. But her captors self destructive nature makes escape even more dangerous.

I take it white and war are important. But what is the emotions in the story.

Without having enough info but knowing this is a Tv series, not a Feature -- and

whatever logline you construct here, the Irony is automatically in the fact that - for whatever reason - the protagonist tries to save the life of her captor...

"Suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, a white girl must convince a black - self-destructive - female captor into both escaping concocted negotiators and get out of the African warzone."

Your 'ticking time bomb' element here (think "24") is the fact that the female captor is "self-destructive" -- even after they escaped from their stronghold. That's why you want them both to stay together the whole ride, bonded but never really trusting each other.

I think it would be easier for me to write a logline if it were a feature, this story has layers lol... The protagonist is a white European, living in Africa with her parents. Her father is a doctor from France and her mother a yoga instructor from Italy. War breaks out where they live, and the girl is separated from her parents, dumped in the desert by rebels and left there to die. She embarks on a journey on her own, trying to find her father. On her journey she stumbles upon one danger upon other, but has a good instinct and manages to avoid getting into trouble until she meets the antagonist who kidnaps her in order to protect her criminal act. The protagonist is naive, been raised in innocence and security, and even though the antagonist has violent behavior, she's not a bad person, just in a bad situation. The protagonist tries to talk her into running away with her and seek help, not realizing, the antagonist is not like her, she cannot save her, but it doesn't mean she cannot be saved. I base this story on my own experience with a victim of human trafficking. I am educated in International Law and worked with a victim (investigation, interrogation). Three times I arranged for her to get into security in another country, but when she was about to leave, she bailed out and made a conscious decision to go back - even though she knew she would be attacked, raped, threatened and most likely killed. I warned her about it, but still, she went back. Eventually I gave her an ultimatum, and she picked the threatening environment. I found it incredible, how she could make that decision, but I don't think I can understand it. These two characters are based on our relations, me trying to save a woman that could not be saved by me :) The story is a fiction though!

A great story! But Yes, I get it! These sort of stories are very difficult to turn into solid loglines, Feature or TV series. Requires multiple eyes. Maybe post your original logline on www.logline.it and hope the three top logline specialists react and don't agree, Best, Rutger

Thanks Rutger... I've also thought of, instead of pitching it as a TV Series, writing several screenplays (sequence), it would make my logline battle less painful LOL... but I'll look into your link. Thanks again!

If there's no solution:

In the midst of an African war a naive, white teenage girl is unsuccessful in her attempts to get through to her mentally unstable kidnapper.

Thanks Wal, I used the advices above and wrote a logline that I think describes the story :) it's on my profile. Thank you all for your help, amazing... you gave me focus <3