We hope the following loglines intrigue you, and we're always open to feedback!
When a curious teen living in the Middle East learns that her dad is not her biological father, the mother blocks her daughter’s search for identity due to societal shame and conceals her secretive birth originating in Germany.
When a curious teen living in the Middle East finds out that her dad is not her biological father, she tries to uncover her origins, but her mother blocks her daughter’s search due to societal shame and hides the secretive birth originating in Germany.
A curious teen living in the Middle East finds out that her dad is not her biological father and yearns to uncover her origins, but the mother blocks her daughter’s search due to societal shame and hides the secretive birth originating in Germany.
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Hi Carina!
The premise sounds very interesting!
Just looking at it from a different angle -
“When an inadvertent discovery about her heritage rattles her tight-lipped mother, this curious teenager embarks on (an international? Transcontinental) hunt for answers about her real father; unearthing the sordid remnants of German ties in the process/unearthing the sordid remnants of a German link in the process .”
Best of luck!
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Hey Carina, try this:
"When a Middle Eastern teen discovers that the man she believes to be her father is not, her mother does everything she can to prevent the shameful truth from coming out."
Is the teen being born in Germany really that important?
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When a middle eastern teen learns her dad isn’t her biological father and she was born in germany she …. but her mum… hoping to hide the truth and bury the shame.
Wordy, a reordering may help. But something that has some action. Let us know what will happen.
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With gratitude & appreciation, gentlemen! This helps.
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Carina, I'd like to take a shot at the logline, if it's all right:
"After discovering the male parent in her life isn't her biological dad, a Middle Eastern teen seeks to uncover her origins...despite her mom's efforts to keep the shameful truth from coming out."
You've got a heck of a premise there...and I wish you all the VERY BEST with it!
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I think "the male parent" sounds awkward, Jim Boston, and your logline needs the stakes. But other than that, I really like your logline!
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Anthony Moore, I do like yours a lot as it really depicts my story, except one aspect; i.e., "An American teen" not "Middle Eastern". I actually was thinking along those lines too.
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If you're looking for a logline under thirty words, here's a possibility:
A Middle Eastern teen’s best hope of finding her biological father rests with persuading her mother to reveal the shameful secret about her daughter’s birth in post-WW2 Germany.
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Jim Boston, thank you very much for your suggestion and support. I'd have to agree with Maurice Vaughan, that "the male parent" sounds off.
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@Sabrina Miller, I like your's a lot too:D An American teenager's best hope of finding/ learning about her biological father rests with persuading her mother to reveal the shameful secret about her daughter's birth in post-WW2 Germany.
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Carina and Maurice, thanks for the heads-up.
Sabrina, your logline runs rings around mine...thanks so very much for contributing!
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You're welcome, Jim Boston.
You're getting closer to a great logline, Carina S. Burns! Here's a logline suggestion: "When an American teenager in the Middle East discovers her dad isn't her biological father, she tries to uncover her origins, but her mother does everything she can to conceal the shameful truth about her daughter's birth in post-WW2 Germany."
That logline has the inciting incident, the main character (the daughter), her goal in the story, the antagonist (her mom), and even the location. I like to put stakes in a logline, but adding the stakes might be too much for your one-sentence logline. If you want to add the stakes, you might have to use a two-sentence logline.