Screenwriting : Logline advice by Stephanie DeWitt

Hi Stephanie DeWitt, how about this: "An NYPD Detective, on the cusp of retirement, must confront his sordid past, while on the hunt for a serial killer that may be a fellow officer".

Hi, Stephanie! Sounds good. I'd suggest watching/listening to anything by Christopher Lockhart re: loglines. Another good rule is to use the "WHEN a character(s) does THIS, then THIS happens, and they MUST do THIS" format. Such as, When a washed-up NYC Detective listens to the city's most forgotten citizens, he/she discovers a serial killer could be a Cop, and must defy his own to catch a killer.

Thank you both! David, I will definitely check Christopher Lockhart out! Thanks again!

Days from early retirement, a disgraced NYC Detective must track down a serial killer exposing his crooked career on the force.

(guessing the Serial Killer is his ex-partner?? :) ).

The most over used and meaningless phrase used in loglines is “confront their past” or “deal with the history” etc. It is vague and used in so many loglines it becomes meaningless.

Hi Stephanie,

Try this:

"An aging NYC detective tries to end his career on a high note by publicly catching an infamous serial killer, but all clues seem to point back to his own department."

"After ________________ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a soon-to-be retired NYC detective tries to catch a ______ (adjective) serial killer who citizens believe is a police officer."

OR

"A week (???) before retirement, a ______ (adjective) NYC detective tries to catch a ______ (adjective) serial killer who citizens believe is a police officer."

Just a personal op. what's this stuff with retiring cops always having a major task couple days short of fishing?

Why not make it rookie eager to prove himself? Check out "True Detective" triology...no Murtaugh's there wasting their soon-to-be-over careers onto chasing bad guys...

While investigating a serial killer case, a NYC detective nearing retirement finds the clues are pointing back at him.

@Kiril, guru theorists call that, "ticking clock" (i think). Plot setup to create urgency/drama. If main character was a rookie cop, he would have years to solve case. No urgency.

Very good, but it might be a good idea to sell the concept through the "confront his past"-part.

To bring a serial killer in front of justice a soon-to-be-retiring NC City detective must admit he’s been wrong his entire career, covering up for his ex-partner’s lethal double-life.

Dan MaxXx I dig it, just don't buy it...If I had like a week ahead retirement, Chief of Police himself couldn't rattle my...you know what...urgency better comes from having a career ahead, you can potentially waste with mistake...

But lotta movies implement this "ticking clock" and it flows good...better yet if your partner is a suicidal, wacky nutjob...

The logline misses the emotional thread to draw in viewers.

If by confronting his past you mean actions that led to his son to become the serial killer to get back at him...then there should be enough conflict, smoke and mirrors for a good story

Thank you all! Back story on this: detective has nightmares back to when he was a rookie and shot and killed a guy in a domestic dispute he thought was holding a gun. It was a cane. The son witnessed it all. Years later, son finds an opportunity during a crime to steal a badge and gun from a cop shot dead by a criminal who also died because the cop got a shot off before dying. The son goes on a crime spree to get back at the detective. My co-writer came up with the storyline and I just rolled with it. Positive thoughts would be appreciated as I have sent a query letter out to a manager contact in LA.

Stephanie DeWitt What about a female angle to the past? Like a rookie officer who is set on settling the score because of something the Detective did to her back in CADET school. The audience would want both the detective and the Female officer to come relative unscathed and wiser in the end since they both represent the Law. This would then be strictly a "quarrel" between them.