The thriller is about, A girl who is dead and her father is searching for her and one day he find her but she doesn't know that he is her father and how finally the father and the daughter gets united.
Screenwriting : You were asking a low budget thriller by Sam Francis
You were asking a low budget thriller
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First part is okay, sorta "Lovely Bones", but second part confuses me...find more clearer goal/resolution...people still strive happy ends and "lessons learned" type of stuff...
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Hi, Sam Francis. Are you asking for feedback on your logline?
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That doesn’t have to be low budget. I could write that in a single room. But it could also be huge.
Set it in a hospital treatment room. You’ll need location costs, plus audio and sound design to sell the idea it is a hospital.
I have a similar story. A child is stolen when she is young. When it is discover this is a stolen child she is 19. She loves her abductor as she was a great parent and doesn’t like her biological family.
Yeah, craig D Griffiths .The story line you have mentioned is little similar to my story. You believe it or not it's true.
A father journeys to find his daughter, who is presumed dead. However, things change for the worse when he sees her with amnesia. This logline sounds a bit better.
No it's not what you are actually thinking, she's really dead
Sam there is no new story on the planet. Our stories have been told heaps before.
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Here’s a logline template that might help, Sam Francis:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.