Screenwriting : Working on my logline. by Cheri Krueger

Hey, Cheri Krueger. Those aren't loglines. They're more like taglines. A tagline is a short, memorable advertising slogan you'll see on a poster. The tagline for "The Truman Show" is "On the air, unaware."

Here’s a logline template that might help:

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”

Example #1:

“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”

Example #2:

“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”

If you want to really learn about loglines, I suggest this webinar: www.stage32.com/webinars/What-Makes-Your-Logline-Interesting-for-an-Acto...

Thank you, Maurice! Back to the drawing board :)

You're welcome, Cheri Krueger. Let us know how the revision goes.

Lemme guess...she ends up abducting her abductor? You show too much, but you don't tell, back to real logline development.

Great premise, but your logline needs more structuring. Leave more mystery in the air, but leave enough breadcrumbs so that the audience will know the basics.

Hi Cheri - you clearly have a great start and story to tell. I highly recommend this upcoming Stage 32 webinar on how to make your longlines attractive to A-List talent hosted by WME story editor Christopher Lockhart. He's brilliant and a generous educator. Here's a link so you can check it out: https://www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-...

Kinda silly to start pitching with an unfinished first draft, spec or adaptation. "Cart before horse" screenwriting.

Maybe instead of paying to pitch, ask writing peers for notes, rewrite, pay a pro consultant for polish, then pitch to real buyers.

Thanks Dan. I’m not pitching to anyone, simply asked for opinions from the members of this community. It’s pretty obvious I’m a beginner :)

I like number 3 Cheri! It catches your attention and is more visual. Good luck!

Thank you, Kelly. I’m a novelist so this is a big switching of gears for me.

Number 3 is good. The main elements a logline should cover are: indication of genre, lead character, a goal, what’s going to get in their way and what’s at stake.

I liked 2 as the seed to a more developed logline.

Okay writer fam, giving this another shot. Is it too long? Restless housewife Adrienne is obsessed with a desperate man. When Gabriel steals her embezzling husband’s millions, he takes her with him and the only thing standing in the way of Adrienne’s perfect new life are the cops. And Gabriel’s firm commitment to another woman.

****I'm adding my edited version below***

Obsessed with her kidnapper, a restless woman abandons her affluent life to help him steal millions.

I think your new logline is too long, Cheri Krueger. Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it).

It's hard to tell who's the protagonist in your logline (Adrienne or Gabriel).

Also, I suggest not mentioning names in your logline unless the script is a well-known story, a well-known franchise (like Indiana Jones), or based on a true story.

Thank you, Maurice, I appreciate your help very much.

You're welcome, Cheri Krueger.