As the title of this post says, I've been told by my coverage reader that you shouldn't put too many actions or emotions in parentheticals.
I know that I'm not the director of my story. It's his or her job to man the camera and guide the actors in their environment. On the other hand, I feel that there are certain actions that are necessary in the script to give the audience an idea of how a character would react or what he or she will do next.
Am I alone in this? Do I really need to remove them?
P.S. As I'm writing this, I've listed fifteen actions/emotions in parentheticals in my script. I know nothing is set is stone, but is that excessive?
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Marcel. I use them a lot...and have been criticized at times from some reviewers but very few...I have had many reviewers. Most reviewers have told me that my writing is very professional and polished...so you have to sift through the suggestions. I also tend to use (beat) or even (long beat) frequently to control pacing. I see the characters in my mind so I feel it adds to my visualization of the action when I place these brief instructions. I have 2 screenplays in the top 1-2% on Coverfly, and I have a family drama that has been as high as #2 on the Red List, so I see this as validation that I can get away with it. Just my thoughts. Best of luck...
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I think it really depends on the usage and definitely depends on the reader's taste. Personally, I've always been a minimalist with regards to parentheticals and description (while I lean into dialogue too much for sure), but my feeling is that you should write what you can show and show it efficiently. So I think using a parenthetical to link an action to dialogue is efficient and shows something, while emotion should come across in the dialogue itself and the description.
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Interesting to read and not the first time, "somewhat" the subject and relevant subjects being brought up, to my recollection, The first time however, "officially" and specifically reading in detail.
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I use parentheticals, Marcel Nault Jr., but I try to use them lightly. Fifteen parentheticals in a feature script? If so, that's not a lot. That's a low count.
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You mention how Parentheticals can stifle a Director. But it's not just about the director - how about the actors? It's their job to interpret the scene and the words. If you give specific directions on how to execute each and every moment of dialogue, not only does it deprived them of choices but it stifles their art. Nobody wants to sign on to a movie only to be kept on a leash.
Imagine if Johnny Depp wasn't allowed to portray his character as a daffy drunk drag queen; imagine if parentheticals instructed him to say "This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow" all dark and threatening or jovial and psychotic?
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The only thing to assess is “too many”. Why do they feel like that. Is the content of the parenthetical unneeded? Is it better served as an action line?
The best use I have ever seen was in “unforgiven”. Gene Hackman is told that the brothel owner had a contract with the prostitute that is now worthless. Gene Hackman repeats the word “Contract”. He could have been surprised, he could have been disgusted. But instead the script just has (property).
Gene Hackman performed that line like he was discuss an object not a woman.
So, it is not a number of times, but a how. If the use is not great, it will feel like too many.
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In a recent subtext class this topic came up, and the takeaway was don't rely on them. Most often you can convey direction with actions lines and dialogue, and only use when these two elements don't completely convey how you want the actor to react/feel/etc. So, use sparingly.
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95% of the time they are unnecessary. If you are directing the way an actor delivers a line, take it out. Thats their job. If you are putting in long action lines, they should go in action line format not parentheses. If youre directing who the person is talking to because theyre in a group but only speaking to one specific character, thats FINE. Leave it. If youre directing a small action like the way the character moves or turns or smiles or laughs, take it out 95% of the time. but if its something important like (grabs a gun) then keep it!
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The only time I ever use them is if the actor would not possibly know how to say their line by what is happening in the scene. For example, if it was supposed to be a joke but the actor wouldn't know it.
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Danny, I have to disagree with your second sentence. Writers are not gods, people ignore us wholesale. But ambiguities are poison to a story.
I call back to the Gene Hackman example I discussed.
I believe (I am happy to be educated away from this opinion) that a writer must tell a complete story. Performance, visuals and whatever is ever needed to tell a complete story.
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Screenwriter is an author of the character...actor is an author of the role...to make some things clear...now, yes, expressing the tone of the conversation via parentheticals is a good choice (that's why it's invented), however I've noticed in some scripts it's misused for action lines, so generally don't do that...
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As a former reader, I would mention format issues (bold words, caps, parentheticals, whatever) when the scripts were boring. I'd use format as a way to skip reading.
So basically dont be boring on the page. Also, if your reps approve, leave it.
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This is a great discussion. I look at it like the Bill Burr skit on "No means NO." There are times you have to place context on your dialogue. If you just leave it up to the reader they may completely change the context of what you meant it to be. Be smart about it... In all my reviews I have had only one reviewer tell me that I use parentheticals too much. Watch this...this is the best...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtqhIry_bwE
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Curt Samlaska I wish I could like this post 42 more times just for the Bill Burr clip. Love it! I'm guilty of over parantheticalizing but this is exactly why i.e. When I wrote it Edward Norton was playing it out in my head, who knows who they've got in their head. Bill Burr? I get both arguments though. Nobody wants to be tripping over direction that cuts into the flow of the script and you still want to make sure it gets the inflection it needs. Tough balance.
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I used to put a lot of parentheticals in my scripts too. Now I hardly use them. The thing (for me) is: if you try to explain the situation in your writing without parentheticals, the writing gets better.
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There are 350 sets of parentheticals in The Bourne Identity script. Let's say 90% of those are (More) (Cont'd) and every time he speaks in another language that's still potentially 35 acceptable uses. I think 15 will work.
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My personal opinion only: Telling an actor how to act is uncalled for and just plain rude. Avoid putting action in parentheticals (you have action lines for that). When I have multiple characters in a scene and want to guide the dialog to a particular character, I sometimes use that in parentheticals as, (to Agnes) or (to Sarge). Otherwise I rarely use them.
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Doug is spot on. That is the appropriate use. The other thing to consider is that when you use them you are adding to your dialogue which eats up the page and makes the dialogue feel and look more excessive than it is. Film is visual over verbal first and foremost.
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I too agree with Doug. As a screenwriter I don't like people telling me how to do my job and actors don't appreciate it when a screenwriter tries to tell them how to do their job.
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I understand what you're all saying -- both as an actor and a screenwriter. My feeling is that the actor can do what they like with the line, scene and character - however --and you may disagree -- when attempting to sell your screenplay, it helps the potential producer see more of an overall picture. What do you think?
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You're right, Randy. The parentheticals, action lines, dialogue, etc. It's about painting a picture for the reader/potential producer/potential buyer.
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I just recently got this comment in my coverage, and I never have had anyone else who covered the same script before say anything about my parentheticals, so I was a bit surprised. From what I have noticed during my writer's journey is style preference varies reader to reader. So, I would keep it as a suggestion to take a second look at and maybe do some tweaking. If you get the same comment from multiple readers that is when I would take it as something that could use correcting.
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Parentheticals should be kept to a minimum.
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(I agree)
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Randy Schein. I think most producers know how to read a screenplay without the screenwriter telling them how the character's dialogue is being said. I use them sparingly because a lot of Readers were taught that is how they should be used. The Readers seem to be the biggest pain in the ass when it comes to stuff like this. Anyway, that's just my own personal opinion.
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Parentheticals are meant to be how a line of dialogue is said if it's not obvious, or to who it's said if not obvious. If actions are important, they should go in the action/description paragraphs.
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Haha Mark
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If your actions are tight, parentheticals are not needed. Show don't tell.
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I have a couple unconventional examples where parentheticals might be useful.
I made a nano-budget animated short and I hired the voiceover artists off of Fiverr. In that kind of setting, you don't get a chance to interactively give direction -- the artist reads the page, records in their home studio and sends you the finished recording. I found a generous sprinkling of directorial parentheticals did wonders for clarifying what a certain beat was about. And since Fiverr artists could be based in other countries or cultures, there is a lot of room for misunderstanding about whether a line is supposed to be (for example) sarcastic and parentheticals really made a difference.
I participate in a table read group where we read early drafts of scripts aloud for feedback. Since parentheticals are not read aloud during table reads, for this setting I have started converting short actions ("Bill spits out his water") into parentheticals, especially during dialog sequences, because I want to hear the rhythm of the dialog without it being interrupted by the narrator announcing the action. Not sure if it's common practice (or perhaps a bad idea) to adapt scripts for a table read, but I've found it helpful.
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It's a combination of what Dan says and SOME OFFICIAL MISUSE of DESCRIBING ACTION within PARENTHETICALS that seems to work; it's what I would call 'don't BREAK the TEMPO/MOMENTUM.'
Taken from The Bourne Identity:
SAILOR#2
-- He's dead, you think he cares? --
SAILOR#1
-- So have some respect -- it's a --
(stopping as--)
THE BODY MOVES! convulsing --
coughing up sea water -- the
Sailors -- freaked -- jumping back -
- standing there, as --
THE MAN begins to breathe.
(On the Next page)
GIANCARLO
-- It's there -- hang on -- it's
here somewhere -- give me a minute -
- get some blankets -- get some
blankets on him --
(finding the kit--)
-- here we go -- here it is
GIANCARLO with an old trunk -- just getting it open, as
THE CAPTAIN
Giancarlo.
(Giancarlo turns back--)
We pick him up? Okay, we have to
pick him up. But that's as far as
it goes.
(Compared to)
SAILOR#1
So have some respect -- it's a --
Stopping as--
THE BODY MOVES! -- convulsing --
coughing up sea water --
The Sailors -- freaked -- jumping back-
- standing there, as --
THE MAN begins to breathe.
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What would Spock say? The definition of minimum is: The least or smallest amount or quantity possible, attainable, or required. So, what is smallest amount, attainable or required? It is all subjective. There is no specific answer and the number or amount acceptable varies between...based on this thread...everybody.
I am creating a spec script that I hope to entice producers, directors and actors to want to adapt into a feature film. I am selling my story...I am telling a story. In order for me to seal the deal, I believe I have to do the best job I can to create a storyline that provides depth and vision that the reader appreciates and sees my vision as well as their own.
I will provide an example. In my screenplay Jingle Bell Rock I have this line: "Tell me something I don't know." You could argue that the context of how this is acted is based on the dialogue leading up to this line, but honestly, it's not always the case. How is this line to be acted: Meekly, angrily, softly, exasperated, loudly, frustrated, matter of fact, etc.? This is early in the script and the interaction is between Jen and her mother Nancy. With one parenthetical (exasperated) I not only defined Jen's emotional state but I also established the close relationship between Jen and Nancy and how honest they can be with each other. As a spec script, I want to tell my story. I don't want to leave everything up to the interpretation of the reader...my story. Once you purchase the rights, then it's your story and you can adapt it as needed...into a production script.
This brings us back to Bill Burr and "No means NO." Tell the best story you can. I'm sure all of you have experienced the tremendous variations from reader to reader on your work. I refer to them as "They got it," or "They didn't get it." There are rules in creating a spec script for sure, but this parentheticals issue I believe is an unanswerable question. We all want the same thing...to have our work created into a fabulous feature film. I would rather the reader say "Wow, that was a great and well told story," than "Wow, that was an excellently formatted script." If you tell a fantastic story that grabs the reader by the (fill in the blank) the formatting becomes secondary.
Oh, I almost forgot. Live long and prosper...
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Curt Samlaska You're summing this up brilliantly. Thank you so much for the advice, my friend.