Hey guys, I recently just directed my first horror short film. Would love to get your guys' opinions and some advice on what I could do to make my stuff better! Thanks!
Short film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GilHxOLSsVQ&t=1s
Hey guys, I recently just directed my first horror short film. Would love to get your guys' opinions and some advice on what I could do to make my stuff better! Thanks!
Short film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GilHxOLSsVQ&t=1s
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Hi good twist at end “Sorry for the mess.” Maybe condense emotional beats & changes of status quo by shortening all scenes for a more bish bash bosh effect but not a criticism just something I would personally do.
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A thing I dig is the natural sound in film with no background inane music & your style of directing seems to stem from the characters own mind.
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Pretty cool Jack
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Could just be the speakers in my iPad, which is where I watch Youtube, but the “drill like” noise, was so distracting and nearly painful.
There is only one line I would drop “you killed her”. We see a person covered in blood holding a hammer, that can give us a little mystery. Don’t ruin it. Let that question be solved with the body in the bath. I would also get to the body sooner, we all know what is going to be at the end of the falling shot, but that is more just my taste. This is your film, I would have changed that shot, but we are different people, so different styles.
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Congrats again on your short (I commented in the cinematography lounge already). I enjoyed the film. Something not being where it should be unsettles the protagonist and builds the viewer's expectation. The group coming over created another obstacle, was overcome in a way I had not anticipated. Agree with Debbie about the no background music comment and Craig's comment about the 'buzzing' noise near the end, it was a bit sharp. I'm always mindful commenting on someone's work whether film or script (making any film is an achievement in itself), because as Craig says, it's your film and perspectives will differ especially as it's easier looking in from the outside. I remember watching the original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre', one of the victims pretty much got dispatched with one hammer blow without any warning and I was not expecting it. From a pacing perspective, one hammer blow without warning, deliver the punchline (possibly could have ended the film there), cut to Andre smoking outside, door opens, he turns, one hammer blow, the character drives off in his car. Look forward to your next short!
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Jack as a filmmaker storyteller myself. I understand difficulties that come up well before production starts . Finding the right cast and crew to help with production, is a herculean task for starters. A huge shot out to the cast and crew of "Sorry for the Mess". Shout out to all the performers, One seriously great job is in the opening scene. It immediately captivated my attention. If the secret sauce is in "show don't tell" I believe you nailed it with the introduction of the body collector. I also liked how you used the property manager to provide insight to what might have happened moments earlier. It also validated for me the audience, that this was happening in the present moment.
If criticism is an ingredient to perfection you must have gotten lots of it. But you did asked and I 'm happy to help.. The ending for me provided more information and I'm sorry to use the word cliche. In my minds eye the line of the title should have been given by the girl but to the body collector who was waiting. At any event If criticism is an ingredient to perfection you must have gotten lots of it. But you did ask and I am happy to help. Adjust the volume to the sound effects and get continuity in the lighting. But overall great job I'll look forward to seeing your next project you found a fan.
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Hey Jack I really liked this. Some great shots and the opening scene with Tommy is powerful. I love the pan from Tommy leaving the bathroom to the boys and back round to the door to see Tommy re-enter.
It looked like Andre’s body was gone after the close up of the rear car lights before she drives off. So I’d say keep a close eye on continuity.
Well done. It’s very good.
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Jack's other films are here: https://www.youtube.com/@jackmurphyfilms/videos