Hello Stage 32 community! I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year. I have a question—I'm about to pitch my screenplay for the first time and would love to hear your opinions on my log-line. Here it is. Thanks!
"In early 2000s Tehran, Iran, Shirin, a gifted artist stifled by societal norms, enters a forbidden romance with her mentor, the formidable Miss Ghazaleh. Simultaneously, she navigates an arranged marriage to Ali, a privileged doctor. Amidst the chaos of a premature birth to her daughter, Stareh, and the subsequent hurdles, their interconnected lives spiral into a poignant clash of love, longing, and societal conventions, illuminating the tragic consequences of challenging the oppressive constraints imposed on women in the Middle East."Screenwriting : Opinions!!! by Nastaran Nouri
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2 people like this
Your project sounds intriguing, Nastaran Nouri. It's a film I'd put on my watch list. I'd recommend boiling down your logline to the protagonist's main goal and the most important barrier to achieving it, something like, "In modern post-revolution Tehran, gifted artist Shirin falls in love with her mentor Ghazelah, setting up a clash between tradition and modernity as she decides between an arranged marriage or execution for being herself." Obviously, you can do better, but perhaps you can see where I'm going. Good luck!
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This is incredibly insightful, Joseph Follansbee . I'll make good use of it. Thank you!
3 people like this
Try starting with the protagonist and don't use names. i.e. A gifted artist enters a forbidden same-sex (or whatever term you like) with her mentor as she navigates an arranged marriage to privileged doctor....set in the Middle East. hope this helps. It's a great story!
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Interesting concept, Nastaran Nouri. I think your logline has too much information. A logline is usually one or two sentences (one sentence is better). Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
Hope the pitch goes great!
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Thank you for your assistance Brenda Lee Lau . Much appreciated!
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You're absolutely right Maurice Vaughan , and I appreciate your help. I did some online research, and it does indicate that a logline is typically one paragraph. This insight is very helpful, thank you! Out of curiosity, do you know of any articles that could be helpful for someone interested in reading the first ten pages of my screenplay? I'm aiming to polish it further and have it ready to go.
2 people like this
You're welcome, Nastaran Nouri. Stage 32 has a First 10 Pages Review: www.stage32.com/scriptservices/coverage/buy?id=20
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This isn't a log line it's a synopsis. Save it, however, for those who request a short synopsis. A log line is, as Maurice pointed out, typically 1-2 sentences.
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Hi Nastaran Nouri - I highly recommend Chris Lockhart's Stage 32 webinar on writing loglines. Chris is a Story Editor at William Morris Endeavor and has curated projects for A-list actors such as Denzel Washington, Liam Neeson, Matt Damon, Rachel McAdams, etc. This is his area of expertise. Here's a ;ink so you can check it out: https://www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-...
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Thank you Jenean McBrearty . I am definitely revising mine.
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Thank you Sam Sokolow for providing this info! Much appreciated.
3 people like this
little long I agree but sounds interesting, and I think interesting is good, but that's just my opinion. Keep in mind that opinions do shape this market either us here or those who can help get us where we want to be.
4 people like this
Its gotta be shorter and less detailed... something along the lines of... When a gifted artist in early 2000s Iran enters a forbidden love triangle with her mentor and her arranged husband, she is forced to face the tragic consequences and constraints of an oppressive and misogynist society.
2 people like this
I agree Angel Luis Martinez Jr. I believe it's important to stay true to your voice while also aligning with industry standards. Which can be tricky at times.
3 people like this
This is actually great—short, direct, and simple. Thank you Danny Manus .